A man is askingReddit's Am I The Asshole forum, if is is an asshole because he doesn’t want his wife to name their son after her late first husband.
The OP claims his wife, who he’s been married to for eight years, is accusing him of being ‘petty’ and ‘jealous of a dead man’ for refusing the name as even a middle name, but on the contrary: OP says ‘His picture is on the wall of our family pictures, we visit his grave together sometimes, his parents still come over to visit my wife sometimes.
‘She still has her wedding ring from their wedding (she doesn't wear it though), and wears a necklace he bought her. I am okay with all of it.’
While he says he’s understanding of some of her ‘super valid’ reasons, not naming their son ‘Thomas’, the name of her late husband, is something he feels strongly about.
‘She likes other names too: Daniel, Chris, James,... I like them all, I will love my son with any name. I just don't want to name him after her late first husband.’
But Reddit wasn’t convinced of this man’s culpability, instead suggesting that the wife wasn’t over her first husband.
‘NTA - I am a widow. Your wife didn’t finish grieving her husband,’ says the top rated post. ‘She married you before she finished putting her first husband behind her. She is still grieving and hasn’t moved on. This is why his picture is up, this is why she still wants to visit the grave… she isn’t finished grieving the loss.’
Not mincing her words, she continued to write, ‘you are playing second fiddle to a ghost’ and that ‘it seems to me that she wishes her late husband was the father of her son, and not you.’
Ouch.
Others agreed, with another reply reading, ‘Yep. It's entirely perverse. She can honor her late husband by continuing to raise her and her late husband's daughter.
‘OP, she doesn't respect you. NTA.’
Others argued that keeping her husband’s memory alive was necessary given he was father of her daughter, with someone writing, ‘All the "signs" she mentioned are completely normal things and not indicators of how hung up his wife is on her first husband.’
One more pointed about that it would be more appropriate move for their daughter to make.
‘Thomas could potentially be a great name for Thomas’s daughter to give to her future son,’ they said. ‘Or not! Totally her (and her future partner’s) call. But that could be totally reasonable and a wonderful gesture that her mother would surely appreciate.
‘This… isn’t that.’