A concerned mother has turned to Reddit with a genuinely difficult predicament, and nobody can seem to agree on whether she’s The Asshole or not.
Normally on the infamousAm I The Asshole subreddit it’s pretty clear to tell who is in the wrong, but with this specific query there’s a lot of sympathy for both points of view.
‘When my daughter was young, we introduced her to gymnastics,’ wrote the woman. ‘She was totally hooked and kept asking for more and more lessons. We encouraged her, thinking she will eventually lose interest. Now she is 12, training 20 hours a week, spending weekends after weekends competing at high level competitions.
‘Problem is, she is 5'7 already and still growing. She is starting to have ambition for D1 scholarship, or even Olympics. That makes me very worried. Being 5'7 basically kills her chance of going to the Olympics. D1 gymnastics scholarship is already rare, the odds of her getting one with her height is even more rare.’
The original poster went on to explain that, after agreeing it with her husband, she sat her daughter down to tell her that gymnastics wasn’t going to work out.
‘Needless to say, she did not take that well,’ she said. ‘She cried and cried and cried, locking herself in her room, refusing to eat, saying maybe if she doesn't eat, she will become shorter. I told her over and over that I love her, and I just want the best for her, but she wouldn't have any of it. I tried to reason with her - telling her chasing a "dream" is a privilege, not a right. No use! My husband has now softened even though we used to have an agreement.’
She added, ‘Frankly, it breaks my heart to tell her to give up something she has worked so hard for. I told her I know she is a hard worker. She would get much better reward if she channels her hard work elsewhere, like in school, or another sport.’
Lots of people in the comment empathised with the mother, suggesting diving instead, which uses the ‘Same skills not the same height limitations,’ but others were less understanding.
‘You are taking away her passion instead of trying to come up with a compromise that still allows her to train and participate in what she loves,’ wrote one.
Others pointed out that some of OP’s daughter’s behaviour could indicate body dysmorphia or an eating disorder.
‘The comment about eating is especially scary because gymnastics is notorious for eating disorders,’ said one. ‘And has anyone coaching her given her the talk about the body type she needs to be to perform at an elite level? Or are they taking your money and encouraging her to be dangerous with her tricks instead of telling her like it is?’
‘The gym isn't for free, they can't get higher revenue if they start putting the wellbeing of the kids first... as much as it sucks wouldn't be a first for gymnastics, they're notorious for scummy coaches,’ agreed another.
Not everyone was lucky enough to have parents who supported their dreams growing up, or had the funds to facilitate them. OP faces a difficult decision in knowing when to draw the line, and as a mother who clearly wants to support their child's dreams no matter what, knowing how unlikely those dreams are to come true is clearly causing her a huge amount of anguish. At the end of the day, it's her hard-earned cash being spent, and the financial viability alone is reason enough to keep her foot down.