Giving birth is a stressful experience, so it’s no surprise that many families spat when it comes down to the due date. And one new mum has set the internet alight after posting to Reddit’s Am I The Arsehole thread with her delivery room conflict. Essentially, she wanted to know whether she was in the wrong for telling her mother-in-law (MIL) to get lost after she repeatedly advised her son to go home and get some rest rather than stay with her and their baby as they recovered.
The original poster, who had been with her husband for six years, explained: ‘I had a high-risk pregnancy and my labour was also very dangerous and I had to spend two days in ICU afterwards… Once I came out of the ICU and was put into a regular room my husband would never leave my side… My MIL kept insisting my husband goes home because he deserves rest. My husband explained why he wouldn't go home…She kept pressuring him again and again.
‘Then she said something that drove me over the edge,’ the original poster continued as she told of how her mother in law advised her son to go home because his wife was lying comfortably in a hospital bed while he was on the couch: ‘“ I want my son to be comfortable,”’ she allegedly insisted, which was the final straw.
‘“I had a traumatic and high-risk pregnancy and you’re worried because my husband wants to stay by my side and be uncomfortable in a couch for what? 4-5 days?”’ she told her MIL. ‘“Mind your f***ing business and leave my room. You’re making me uncomfortable.”’ Ouch.
Predictably, the woman’s mother in lawwas furious at her son for not defending her in the fight and his aunts and cousins later said that his wife was an arsehole for ‘daring to speak’ to his mother like that. But after an exhausting 14-hour labour, your patience for having relatives stick their nose in where it wasn’t wanted would undeniably be pushed to its limit. It goes without saying that telling a family member to f-off is never ideal…but when her son had already told her that he wanted to stay in hospital with his wife why wouldn’t the MIL have just listened?
According to the original poster, her husband’s mum had never approved of her and even drafted up a list of alternative women (mostly ex-girlfriends) that she approved of him marrying when they were together. ‘She treats my husband like an infant who has no mind of his own and claims I’m always manipulating him,’ the OP explained. ‘My MIL always expected me to act like a traditional 50s housewife. She said if having my job and doing housework is too exhausting for me then I should quit my job and care for my husband.’ Seriously problematic.
To return to the issue at hand, while there is a case for sending your partner home from hospital so they can rest and have the energy needed to support you after labour, it’s clear this isn’t what either half of the couple wanted and after such a traumatic birth it’s easy to see why you would want your husband nearby for support.
The woman's mother-in-law should have enough respect for her son and his wife as adults to navigate that decision for themselves and should listen to him when he tells her repeatedly what he wants to do. As the original poster said, he is a grown up and he can make his own choices, whether the mother in law agrees with them or not.