Why Are Night-Feeds Still Only A Women’s Business?

The attacks on Molly-Mae are further proof that society still considers a baby's sleep and feeding arrangements to be a mother's problem.

Molly-Mae feeding

by Rhiannon Evans |
Published on

Molly-Mae Hague has landed herself in hot water with some of her followers after revealing she's attempting to stop night-feeds with her daughter Bambi, who is 10 weeks old.

Wading into issues around sleep and feeding was always going to be controversial, and the comments didn't hold back.

While loads of Molly's fans sent her their love, others criticised her stance and said her words could make other mums feel under pressure when it came to both night feeds and breastfeeding.

In the video, Molly revealed she had stopped breastfeeding around six weeks and that Bambi had a bottle around 11pm and they were trying not to feed her until 7am. Regardless of what you think of that, why on social media or in headlines, is there no mention of Molly's partner and the baby's father, Tommy Fury?

Speaking on her vlog, Molly opened up about her personal experience, saying: 'Seven is her bedtime when she has her bottle and then she has another one at 11 and after 11pm is when we try and get our night's sleep. 'At the minute [it] is going a lot better - we're definitely getting more sleep. I say more sleep, I'm definitely getting four hours. Sometimes four or five a night.

'She's going from 11PM to 7AM with no milk, no feed but she's waking up all night and being like "Hello I want some milk" and I'm like "No you're not having it now". Because around this time is when they drop feeding in the night. Well it's different for every baby but with her we're trying to encourage that.'

The NHS websitecites three to six months for cutting down night feeds and recommends cutting night feeds altogether from six to 12months.

Twitter and YouTube commenters took aim at Molly-Mae on a variety of issues. But where is Tommy in all this?

The attacks on Molly-Mae, not matter how fair or not you may believe them to be, are further proof of the fact society still considers a baby's sleep and feeding arrangements to be a mother's problem.

Presumably Molly-Mae talked this through with Tommy, Bambi's father? Presumably he's around some of those nights? Presumably he has a working voicebox through which they might've discussed the way they're going to bring up their daughter and night-wean or sleep train her?

In the video itself, Molly-Mae says 'we're' getting more sleep, it's not just about her nights. There's always a role for a supportive father in the night - but especially if the baby is bottle-fed, or the parents have decided they want to comfort the baby in an alternative way to feeding.

Whether it's breast versus bottle, sleep training versus co-sleeping, vaginal versus c-section births, these debates rage on and are whipped up continually to absorb women only. And it starts with out language around parenting. If we are ever to see parity of any kind between the sexes, it will be when childcare is a unisex issue.

If you're that incensed, you could at least start with tagging both parents in your criticism.

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