Model Peta Todd is a mother to four children – Finnbar, 14, Delilah, eight, Frey, five and Casper, two. The mother, who is married to Olympic cyclist Mark Cavendish, recently appeared on the Superdrug Healthful Podcast to discuss talking to children about puberty. Here’s some of what she shared about what she’s learned.
On the upsides and downsides of children being about to find out more for themselves online…
Now, you [can] YouTube it, there’s so much there, which is kind of a blessing and curse because you can bypass a parent or someone that actually knows you - cares about you, can put any kind of context to something - and you can have a step-by-step, very matter of fact [video] that will tell you how to do… It can tell you how to do it but it won’t necessarily help with feeling embarrassed, it couldn’t put your mind at ease.
On teaching her son about periods…
I was 19 when I had Finn, and we kind of grew up together, so we’re really close and I’ve always been really open with him. I remember from him being quite young, he would come into the toilet with me and if I was on my period he would ask “What’s that?”. And I would be like well this is this and most ladies, this happens and it’s every month and whatever else. Actually I feel like it’s just as important to teach my boys about periods and women’s bodies as it is to teach my girl about that side of it, because I’d like to raise a man who’s aware and kind of understanding of all that goes along with that.
On how her children coped with her sibling transitioning…
My sibling has now transitioned and lives as Faye, and they are nine years younger than me, so my children grew up knowing Uncle Rory… As it went on they found it really difficult to speak to my mum who’s obviously in that generation, it was going to be something, it blew her mind completely, and she really wanted to kind of understand everything. Whereas I would be kind of quite open to say ‘Listen, excuse my ignorance if I say something the wrong way but tell me, talk to me about this, let me know so that I can know how to navigate’, and as well with the kids, [say] ‘They’re not going to care, they love you regardless. But especially the younger ones, they’ve known you as Rory so you’re going to have to realise that overnight, you know, you want to be known as a different name, they’re not going to just remember that and overnight they’re going to be able to get that right every single time’ and they were like ‘That’s fine’.
Frey has additional needs, who’s five, he didn’t speak till a lot later, his communication and speaking skills aren’t quite age appropriate so he really struggles to kind of get his head around that. But Finnbar, he was like 10, 11 at the time and he was like ‘Yeah cool, no problem’. And he was probably the first person that consistently would always get the name change right, would ask questions but it wasn’t a big deal. And the same with Delilah, it was just not a big thing. Would comment that she really liked what Faye was wearing or this that and [they] found their own way to this new relationship… so I’ve got high hopes for our kids on that front.
On letting your kids know you’re human…
If you can kind of find that light side of it just let them know that, look, we’ve all had to go through this bit. The age that we are… I remember as a kid when things were embarrassing or when I’d have to say something and I thought I was gonna be in trouble… you’ve gotta just, you know like bite the bullet a little bit and nine times out of 10 it’s not actually gonna be as bad as you think. I think just show that human side of yourself as a parent which is that you don’t have all the answers just because you’re a parent, you still make mistakes, you still feel embarrassed the same as anybody else, you are all in it together. I think that kind of sharing as much as you can, sharing and openness about emotions good and bad kind of just brings it down to that kind of everyone level playing field, but just make it as light-hearted.
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