Yesterday, I decided to post something on Instagram I was really nervous about. 10 weeks after having our first child, Sienna, I was ready to share my raw and unedited post-partum body. I contemplated over posting it, worried about how nasty comments might make me feel and what people would say, but in the end I took the plunge - and the reaction has been overwhelming.
In the weeks after giving birth to Sienna, I was struggling with my body image. Having always felt pretty confident in my own skin it was such a shock seeing my body after birth. I had this newfound respect for what my body had done, growing a tiny human inside it, and yet at the same time, seeing myself look so different made me really upset. I was in personal conflict and overwhelmed, I felt like I shouldn’t care and that during those precious first weeks I only wanted to focus on Sienna but those feelings kept creeping in.
After posting my Instagram picture, the sheer number of emotional messages from others made me release, that most mothers struggle with this. We spend so much of our lives concerned with how our bodies look, and then when you get pregnant and you see just what your body can do, you have an entire new found respect for it. However, once the baby arrives those old pressures and pulls are still there. We shouldn’t really care about being in shape during that time but old habits die hard and I have found I need to take a different perspective during this new and nurturing time in my life.
When I was pregnant so many people told me I would ‘bounce back in no time’. They were well-intentioned, meant to make me feel better about the extra weight I had gained in pregnancy – that I admit, was more than my doctor advised. Being told you’ll ‘bounce back’ to your pre-baby physical form, especially in your first pregnancy when I had no idea how my body would react, only sets you up for disappointment. I couldn’t manage my own expectations never mind anyone else’s.
To be honest I didn’t really care about rushing to ‘bounce back’, that wasn’t my goal. My body was performing a miracle, of course it was going to change. If anything, I wanted to treat my body with more kindness. I loved eating what I wanted during pregnancy, and even though I’ve struggled with my body image since giving birth, I’m holding onto that respect I have for what my body has been through and I want to be gentle with myself.
I’ve compared myself to friends and how they looked post-baby.
That’s what I wanted to get across with that image, that women shouldn’t be subject to this intense pressure to look the way they did pre-baby after giving birth. It’s certainly the reason I felt so uncomfortable in my own skin recently. I’ll admit, I’ve compared myself to other women, to friends even, and how they looked post-baby. ‘How come they could fit into their jeans so quickly and I can’t?’ I thought.
I’m also in quite a unique position of course, being in the public eye. Not everyone leaves the hospital after a c-section, to paparazzi waiting to get the first pictures of them and their new born baby. I wanted my first days with her to be a special memory and although I very grateful for the life I have, pictures of me post-surgery all over the papers wasn’t quite what I had in mind. Even without the commentary and the trolling the ‘bounce back’ subject did get to me in those first weeks post-pregnancy. Knowing that most mums feel like this and talking about it openly has made me feel a lot better about myself and I finally feel like I’m taking the pressure off.
I’ve had so many messages of support and mums messaging about their own body-image struggles. It’s wonderful that those brave women felt safe in sharing their own journeys with their bodies and it’s a conversation I want to continue. I want to get rid of the shame, the stigma and the pressure that we all fit into certain stereotypes (and clothes) especially after pregnancy. When you use Instagram in this positive way, there is so much support and a sense of community.
I’m still finding it a challenge to come to terms with how my body has changed, but I’m in no rush to look the way I did before I had a baby. I have a new shape, new curves and new boobs which I’m loving, and while it’s still a struggle, I’m accepting my body more and more every day kangaroo pouch and all!
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