‘In that park, it was the first step to repairing the fragments of quite a broken woman’

Starting a conversation about learning to dance - starting with family kitchen discos and culminating in a performance at a birthday party – seems like it would be all chats of hip pops, head flips and belly laughs. And to some extent, it is.

But, unexpectedly, half way through our conversation about rediscovering joy through movement, the conversation flips. ‘It's a bit emotional talking about it,’ admits Anna Whitehouse – the founder of Mother Pukka, campaigner for flexible working, author and radio presenter.

If that busy work bio sounds enough to keep you running around, throw in two children as well, and you might start to realise why even just an hour a week learning to dance brings Anna such joy. Re-introducing movement during lockdown, Anna set herself an hour a week in her local park to build her strength and with it, found her confidence and love of dance.

‘I used to be really sporty, played hockey at a really high level,’ says Anna when asked about her history with movement and play. ‘It was always about chasing a ball. So sport had to have purpose, or something to chase… like a golden retriever to a tennis ball was really how I exercised.’

But like many of us, at University, Anna started to lose movement and exercise, coming back to it in various forms throughout in dribs and drabs. Until the birth of her second child made her realise she had to make a change.

‘I regained a sense of what exercise was and what it would do after my second child when I remember, I couldn't pick up the buggy, getting from the bottom of Bank station in London to the top. And nobody was helping me and I thought, ‘If I'm not physically capable of walking up these stairs with my daughter and a pram then I need to get to a point where I'm stronger.’ So suddenly that became ‘the ball’ almost - that ability to be strong as a mother physically strong and I think in turn mentally strong.

‘And I think I really underestimated the link between the physical and the mental. And that really hit me quite hard - letting the physical sort of go, through time and lack of it, and sandwiches to cut crusts off and husbands to argue over the dishwasher with and deadlines to hit… all of these very valid reasons why exercise and looking after yourself come right at the bottom. But I realized that the link between the physical and the mental was so strong, that I didn't have a choice but to really start moving. And that's really where it began.’

For anyone wondering about taking those steps back into movement, for Anna it started slowly – but joyfully.

‘It started when we used to have kitchen disco Fridays,’ remembers Anna. ‘And it was when I was really not in a great place, like I was quite postnatally depressed and feeling really out of control. And I remember thinking I was out of breath, within about five beats of Taylor Swift, Shake It Off. And so I started there, really, because I want to be able to dance to the song with my kids without feeling out of breath.’

With the seeds planted, Anna decided to give dancing a shot… even though it was not her natural home and it required pushing through a lot of comfort barriers.

‘I'd always thought I was a terrible dancer,’ she says. ‘And I categorically was - like I've seen myself move. I think it was almost like a personal challenge – if I'm raising these girls to tell them they can do anything and be anything and I'm here doubting myself in my own kitchen dancing with a toddler, come on, you've got to get over that. So I thought, well, why not learn to dance? I'm in the middle of a pandemic. I don't have time to breathe. I'm writing a novel with my husband. We don't even have downtime.

Persuading everyone to try something new then, from her late and halting start to the sport that’s ultimately changed her life, is always part of Nes’ message. ‘I'm still learning today, she says. ‘And I've been doing it for 12 years learning every single session.’ She adds: ‘I think sport can have such a profound effect on your life. And I don't think it's too late to start when you're an adult. It really will change your life and give you confidence, like nothing else. I just believe sport is just the most powerful thing for what it can do to you and the lessons you can learn through it. Sport reminds you that actually there's a better version of you on the other side, you've just got to push through. I do believe it's for everyone.’

‘That’s when I found DanceBox, which was run by a lady called Illana. I wasn't brave enough to do a class session. I messaged her and said, “Would you be open to sort meeting in a park and doing one on ones?” I decided to invest the money that I was putting into a gym, which I wasn't using, into weekly classes.

‘The whole three lockdowns every week come rain or shine in a park, the kids came with me and they would see me get better and better. We just danced and choreographed a routine, to Lizzo’s Good As Hell. And I was embarrassed. I look like a flailing octopus. It was a humiliating experience really for the first of two months where I was continually doubting myself. But there was a breakthrough moment where I got the routine. And I started crying. I just thought, “This is so fun. And I'm not doing this for anyone but me and to show my kids that you can do what you want to do.”’

As ever though, Anna says it’s important that people find their own joy, the movement that for them, adds to their life. But cautions people to keep in mind that it might not always be found where you expect it.

‘I'm not saying flailing about like Mr. Tickle in a public display is for everyone,’ laughs Anna. ‘Dance was the complete opposite of what I imagined. I was like, get me onto a netball team or get me onto a hockey pitch. But actually, it was the very thing I needed. And I think it's in trusting your own instincts and challenging yourself. Because then you will have the biggest gains I think at the end of it.’

From the outside, to many it would’ve just looked like someone simply taking dance classes, but to Anna it meant a lot more – and it was a journey which culminated in her dancing the night away at her 40th birthday party earlier this summer.

‘I haven't done anything for myself for, I think, the best part of seven, eight years, since having kids,’ Anna admits, getting emotional. ‘It's a bit emotional talking about it. In that park, I was just repairing, I think, quite a lot of the damage that having two kids and trying to work and trying to keep yourself together… I think it was the first step and the

first move towards repairing the fragments of quite a broken woman. And I'm quite open about saying that. And so while it looks like a dance class, or a moment at a birthday, it was, I think, me week by week, move by move, rebuilding myself on a very basic, quite primal level. And every time I hear Good As Hell, it fills me with not just joy, but recognition that I am here again, I feel myself.’

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