Around this time of year, I always sit down to watch a few Christmas films with my three children who are 13, 10 and eight. One of our absolute favourites is a classic from my own childhood, Home Alone, where eight-year-old Kevin McAllister gets accidentally left home alone while his family jet off to Paris for the Christmas holidays.
The thought of leaving my eight-year-old alone in the house fills me with dread: she can hardly make her own breakfast without an intervention. My eldest, however, who will be 14 in February, keeps telling me he would be happy to be home alone and seems keen to have that independence and responsibility.
Which is probably just as well as 14 seems to be the age where parents begin to feel they can give children a little more leeway too.
Actress Helena Bonham-Carter recently told The Sunday Times that parenting is about “slowly getting your freedom and time back: 14 is the best moment, because you can leave them alone in the house.”
Earlier this year, however, a single mother of five in the American state of Georgia was prosecuted after leaving her 14-year-old daughter to babysit her younger children. Melissa Henderson, who had to return to work in May 2020 when her children’s day care centre was still closed due to Covid, was charged with ‘criminal reckless conduct’ after she left her younger children under the care of her 14-year-old. The case is ongoing, but Henderson could face a maximum penalty of one year in prison and a fine of $1,000 if she is convicted.
Henderson’s lawyer, David DeLugas, has argued, however, that Georgia's own child protection guidelines say children can babysit at the age of 13 with a parent's permission.
In the US, the Child Welfare Information Gateway stipulates that only three states currently have laws specifying a minimum age for leaving a child home alone: Illinois, 14 years old; Maryland, eight years old and Oregon, ten years old. They advise checking the individual state guidelines.
Here in the UK, there is no specific law around when you can leave your child at home on their own and government guidelines advise parents to “use your judgement on how mature your child is before you decide to leave them alone, for example at home or in a car.”
The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children advises, however, that children under 12 are not mature enough to be left alone for a long period of time and that children under 16 should not be left alone overnight.
The charity received over 6,000 calls and queries about children being left without adult supervision between 2020 and 2021 with calls peaking over the six week summer holiday. Over the last four years, the NSPCC estimates they have been contacted more than 21,000 times, with nearly half of the contacts taking place when children are left alone during the summer months.
Psychotherapist and teen parenting coach Yasmin Shaheen-Zaffar, says the decision should be based on the maturity and personality of the child and the relationship a parent has with them. ‘Also, whether the child has physical disabilities or learning differences, which my impact their executive functioning skills such as impulsivity,’ she notes.
Their relationship with their siblings should also be taken into consideration, says Shaheen-Zaffar. ‘If you have a family situation where siblings regularly end up “rough and tumbling” or arguing it may not be such a good idea to leave then unsupervised.’
Catherine Hallissey, chartered psychologist and parenting specialist says it’s less to do with age and more to do with maturity. ‘As all children mature at different rates, it’s important to think in terms of independence and safety skills rather than age,’ she says.
Building up slowly by, for example, leaving them while you pop out to buy some milk or walk the dog, can also be a good way to grow confidence. ‘Like most skills, the independence skills required to stay home alone safely develop over time so it’s a good idea to gradually work on this with your child, ensuring safety and comfort along the way,’ Hallissey advises. ‘Learning to be independent is a key life skill so it’s really beneficial to gradually develop the ability to stay home alone, giving increasing independence and responsibility over time.’
Giving them some practical guidelines, for example, not lighting candles or leaving any fires on, not inviting friends over and also some pointers on what to do in an emergency and who to call, is also important.
‘State what time you’ll be back and check in regularly. Make sure you’re contactable at all times,’ Hallissey says. ‘Talk through any fears and worries as they come up and problem-solve possible situations that may arise.’
Ultimately, it is about using your judgement but giving them some independence, which can be a positive thing for both you and your child. 'Many teenagers like the responsibility, the peace and quiet and just being left to their own devices. It can leave them feeling proud and it can help them to learn emergency skills also,' Shaheen-Zaffar says.