What’s that saying you see bandied around Instagram and Pinterest a lot, usually in a curly font on a sugary pink background? 'You can’t pour from an empty cup'. Well since the UK locked down and schools closed in March, my cup has been emptied and dropped on the floor repeatedly until a large crack has formed down one side.
Like many parents, I’ve been juggling a lot. I’ve had my nine-year-old at home for the past five months, and between me and my husband, we’ve been attempting (not always successfully) to home schoolher while I work full time and while he looks after the demands of our twin toddlers. Add to this the small matter of dealing with the hourly news cycle of the pandemic and it’s been truly exhausting.
So when I hear that only two-thirds of parents intend to send their kids back to schoolwhen they re-open in England next month, my mind boggles.
In contrast, I’m counting down the days. If I had a wall calendar, I’d be crossing off the days with a red felt-tip pen, like an over-excited four-year-old waiting for Christmas Day. I’m so prepared for this ‘Back to school’ season, I had my daughter’s new uniform bought and her pencils neatly sharpened in early July.
This week, Prime Minister Boris Johnson has said that 'it is far more damaging for a child's development and their health and wellbeing to be away from school any longer.' And he’s right, of course, but I’d argue that it’s not just kids’ mental health and wellbeing that’s at stake here - it’s parents’ too. As a family, we’ve been dealing with anxiety, sleep disruption, night terrors, fear, grief, exhaustion, low moods, stress, and many (many) arguments over everything from screen time to long division.
My cup is well and truly empty, and I will admit to you - right here, right now - as a result, I’m not as good a parent as I usually am. I’m far more likely to snap at the wet towel that’s been left on the bathroom floor again. If my daughter asks for an ice cream from the freezer, I ignore the fact she had Smarties after lunch and say yes to avoid a row. I’ve even turned a blind eye to her playing Minecraft for the fifth straight hour because, well, if it allows me to meet my work deadline in peace…
So for me, schools fully re-opening in September marks the next step in reclaiming a bit of normality for our family.
But I think we can probably all agree that Covid-parenting is a different kettle of fish to regular parenting. It’s much more about muddling along than trying to hit parenting goals and the chat amongst parents seems to be in the spirit of just doing the best we can. No judgement here.
So for me, schools fully re-opening in September marks the next step in reclaiming a bit of normality for our family. My daughter is thrilled at the prospect of seeing her friends – albeit in a socially distanced way – and being part of the school community again. I’m thrilled that we’ll have a bit of healthy space from each other, once more. I’ll never moan again about how short the school day seems - those six hours that the kids are in school every day now represent a golden opportunity to get work and life admin done in peace. And I know the quality of my parenting is only going to increase, so I feel zero guilt about the sheer joy I’m feeling.
Of course, the return to school is not risk-free, and chatting to friends, I understand their concerns about children spreading the virus, not socially-distancing as well as they could, teachers spreading it between each other, parents at the school gate mixing with each other and general mistrust of the government advice and guidelines.
But as we know, raising children is never risk-free and so much of being a parent is about risk-assessment and weighing up possible outcomes in different scenarios. When I think back to my eldest starting nursery, I just couldn’t get my head around not being with her all day – someone else soothing her when she was upset and feeding her lunch. 'But what if she is thirsty and they don’t realise because they don’t know the special noise she makes when she wants a drink?' I panicked. I put my worries to one side and focused on the bigger picture, which was simply: we needed childcare and it would probably be FINE. Which it was.
Sometimes you need to take a leap of faith and hope for the best.
I’m applying the same logic to this situation – a situation that admittedly none of us know how it will pan out – but for now, I’m putting my faith into the system and feel reassured by the Public Health England study that has found kids are more likely to get covid-19 at home than at school.
So I’ll see you at the school gates (a few metres away, wearing masks). You’ll recognise me because I’ll be the deliriously happy one racing home to enjoy a whole six hours of getting stuff done.