Back in March, Rishi Sunak’s grey hoodie was the sweatshirt that launched a thousand ‘Dishy Rishi’ memes, when, to be honest, there was ENOUGH TO BE GOING ON WITH when it came to news content.
Not to get all ‘truther’ on you but WAKE UP SHEEPLE, because as we teeter on the edge of ‘March Mark Two (The Second Wave)’ and a huge jobs crisis, The Chancellor of the Exchequer Mr Sunak has instead popped out in a pair of grey jogging bottoms. On Monday, he posted the picture on Instagram with the thirsty caption: ‘Practising ahead of my keynote speech tomorrow at the Conservative Party Conference. #CPC20’
Should we be focussing on a million other things than Mr Sunak wearing grey sweatpants? Yes. But are we going to bite? Yes, yes we are. Just for the length of this article.
Because, as anyone with… a sex drive? knows, grey sweatpants or jogging bottoms have a lot of connotations, beyond just being comfy.
As this brilliant GQ piece explains, grey joggers are the ‘unofficial symbol of fall horniness’. As we dive into October, it’s now full-on Grey Sweatpants Season: the time when men jump into the most comfy trousers possible and somehow get hotter (HOW IS THAT F*CKING FAIR, but we don’t have time for that now).
Why? Well, you might have your own thoughts on why marl gets you going, but there’s one simple reason. And it’s phrased best by writer and podcaster Evan Ross Katz, in that piece: ‘Well, the obvious answer is because you can see the penis in the sweatpants. But actually, to me, that’s a little less appealing than when I just know something’s going on down there and there’s a little bit of movement. And it can be from a semi or just the balls swinging, but you’re like, Oh it’s awake down there; there’s activity down there.’
Ok, glad I didn’t have to say that in my own words and now we’re allllll up to date.
I asked Fashion News and Features Director Laura Jordan for her expert analysis on the grey sweatpants appeal in general. 'You know what I think the sex appeal of them is? The just-rolled-out-of-bed connotations,' she said. 'For some reason I always imagine they have picked them up off the floor and pulled them straight on – no underwear. They have to be grey – not sure why, I don’t make the rules.'
As Jennifer explains, for many of us grey sweatpants is just shorthand for hot. No matter who is wearing them. ‘It's a truth universally acknowledged (in my circles, at least) that a grown man in grey sweatpants is a very fine thing to behold,’ she says. ‘Forget the birthday suit or the tailored suit, the tracksuit is where a man really comes into his own. Anyone can pull off a thousand-pound tuxedo, but if you can master the fine art of wearing grey sweatpants without looking like you just rolled out of bed - you have my attention.’
But not everyone is happy about Rishi appropriating our special time. ‘I'd fancy most people in grey sweatpants but I draw the line at a Tory I'm afraid,’ Jo told me. ‘How dare he try and harness grey sweatpant energy? It's not for him. He's ruining grey sweatpant season for all of us.’›
There’s more to unpick though, than whether you think Mr Sunak is trying to geg in (unwanted) on a season many of us hold dear. This is also part of an image that is being built by the chancellor, to what end – decoy or a bigger future career plan – you can speculate yourself. There's a definite persona being built here, in the same way politicians like him (COUGH Boris Johnson) have done before. From the serving Nando's without a tie, to the grey hoodie to the 'accidentally' rude slogan, Eat Out To Help Out.
And this may or may not be a time to remind you that many people put Mr Sunak's personal wealth in the billions. As Jess Brammar put it on Twitter…
Anyway, many stories have also alluded to this idea that Mr Sunak (let’s not ‘Boris’ him) is being lined up as the next Conservative Party leader, an acceptable face of a new Conservative Party. Is this all part of that narrative? As Rachel told me: ‘The grey sweatpants are definitely about sending loads of messages – my initial thought was that he’s clearly trading on his relative ‘youth’ in the political circle but further, that he’s not ill, or older, like Boris Johnson and Donald Trump have been during this coronavirus crisis.’
READ MORE: The Internet Is Obsessed with Rishi Sunak's Accidentally Very Rude New Slogan...
There’s also one thing that really, really infuriates me. And yes, I AM going to bring this back to sexism… what on earth would happen if Priti Patel (sorry, it’s hard to think of female Conservative minister off the top of my head) had posted a picture of her working late night on one of her latest immigration plans (again, for another story), no make-up, in specs and a pink Juicy Couture tracksuit (indulge me, I couldn’t help it). Well, it’d be big news… and not at all favourable, I imagine.
And something that’s been nagging at me ever since Dominic Cummings entered Number 10 in more and more batshit combinations of clothing. It’s that it’s the ultimate power move, isn’t it? I don’t NEED to dress up. I’m here. I don’t need to make an impression. I don’t care what you think of me. And it’s the innate PRIVILEGE FLOUTING in that simple manoeuvre that bugs me. To dress like that, entering the hub of governmental power is a huge badge of privilege. You have to worry about what you wear, you have to fear first impressions – I’m above that. It’s the constant message when Mr Johnson gives speeches of national importance without brushing his hair – you’re not worth my effort. And, in some ways, Mr Sunak posting in grey sweatpants has that air. Granted, it’s not an official conference speech. For that he wore a suit and tie. As he should.
So, the Chancellor of the Exchequer posing in jogging bottoms matters. And, yes, it says a lot. And if you see that picture and are lit alight with lust, then fair enough – we have to take our pleasures where we can these days.
But Mr Sunak is now under fire by those in the arts, for his comments which seemed to suggest those losing their jobs, or not classed as being 'viable jobs' under his new Job Support Scheme, should simply retrain.
He told ITV: 'I can't pretend that everyone can do exactly the same job they were doing at the beginning of this crisis and that's why we've put a lot of our extra resource into trying to create new opportunities for people, so our kickstart scheme for example for young people who are most at risk of becoming unemployed, all the way up to the age of 24 ,are going to benefit from a fully funded job placement'.
It's a reminder that when you have the second-biggest job in UK politics, any posturing in marl is just a distraction - and an unwelcome one tbh.
So for me, I’d say, suit and tie next time please. I’d rather see the outline of some plans to save the economy (and help out those in the arts) that the outline of something else…