My daughter is two. She has taken to telling anyone who will listen that ‘Mummy and Mama love each other’. It’s very sweet, but when she says it loudly in a shop or the playground, it outs us as a family in a way that she has no concept of. Having two mums is completely normal as far as our toddler is concerned. She’s too young to have yet experienced anyone make her believe otherwise.
I was pleased to see that CBBC, the BBC channel aimed at children between six and 12, recently aired its first gay kiss on the teen dance drama The Next Step. As snogs go, it was appropriately PG, but it represented a turning point in the network’s impressive efforts to improve diversity. Yet the news of the more than 100 complaints it attracted left me feeling deflated and worried that one day soon my daughter might come across the kind of bigoted parents (because it is the parents, not their children) who are ‘shocked, saddened and appalled’ by two women kissing.
‘This is an important part of our mission to make sure that every child feels like they belong, that they are safe and they can be who they want to be,’ was Children’s BBC’s pitch-perfect response to the complaints. And indeed CBBC as well as CBeebies, the channel for younger children, are brilliant at representing families of different races and including differently abled people. But, like so much in the way of children’s entertainment, they still have a long way to go in their depiction of gay people.
We have found several picture books that feature families that look like ours, and my daughter loves them. They help her connect with the scenarios and experiences explored in the book and she relates to them in a meaningful way. But the majority of the books we read to her focus on kids who have a ‘Mum’ and a ‘Dad’. When it’s an animal family I often change the gender of the second parent as I’m reading and Daddy monkey becomes the other mother. It’s frustrating, though, that in the average picture book, human Dad is dismissive, reading a newspaper, telling the child not to do something or coming home late and wondering why a tiger has drunk all of his beer. (Indeed dads, gay and straight, could also be campaigning for more diverse representation in children’s media.) My friend Stu, who has three adopted kids with his husband, refuses to let his four-year-old watch Peppa Pig because Daddy Pig is often depicted as incompetent. I prefer Hey Duggee, a cartoon where a crocodile has an elephant as a mum, a mouse is brought up by a single dad and the grandparents are all bad-asses.
Gay parents can self-select and censor in the ways I’ve described, but once children are of school age it’s harder to control what they will be exposed to, and how they will feel if they rarely see people like them or their parents.
When I was young it was inconceivable that a children’s programme or book would reference anything other than the most traditional of families and straight relationships, though we are talking about the early 80s when a wooden spoon who travelled in a tin of beans to a button moon was the extent of my formative TV-watching experience. We’ve come a long way since then – one of the main characters in the CBBC drama Jamie Johnson came out as gay this season, while Will Young read the book Two Dads as part of its bedtime story series, but in each instance it was seen as exceptional enough to make the news, and ‘controversial’ enough to warrant moral uproar.
We’ve interviewed a number of children with gay parents on Some Families, the LGBTQ+ parenting podcast that I co-host, and each one told us in a different way that they felt nothing but love and pride for their family. But it shouldn’t just be up to queer parents and queer kids to do the work in seeking out diverse representation. Yes, we need more books and more TV shows depicting people like us, but in the meantime talking to our children about same-sex relationships and families is all of our responsibility. My daughter recently informed me that ‘Some Daddies have Two Mummies’, and I figured, my work as a parent was done.
Lotte Jeffs co-hosts the__ Some Familiespodcast.
READ MORE: 30 Unique Gift Ideas For New Mums - Starting From £5.99
SHOP: What To Buy Mum's & Kid's Right Now
1 of 30Revive and Reset Edit from Aromatherapy Associates, £33
Sleepless nights make for very sleepy new parents but fear not, help is at hand. Infused with invigorating and naturally reviving essential oils, this set aims to awaken the mind and body first thing in the morning (just in time for that wake-up call) and give new parents that pick me up they seriously require.
2 of 30Customised Storm Cloud Banner from NoodledollNelly, £18
Bring the outdoors inside with this super cute nod to Bowie. And with 36 colours to choose from, you can coordinate this handmade cloud banner perfectly with the new arrival's nursery. What's not to like?!
3 of 30Toffolossus Biscuits, Pistachio and Clotted Cream Biscuits and Rose Biscuits from Fortnum & Mason, £17.50 and £12.95
I don't know about anyone else, but we cannot stop snacking in lock down - why not provide a friend with the most boujie snack of them all? From Fortnum and Mason no less
4 of 30Jessie The Jellyfish by Laurie Newman and Sophie Cregan, £6.99
Teach your little one about keeping our waters clean and plastic free, with this colourful and engaging children's book. This is the story of a lonely jellyfish. With no friends to be found on the reef, Jessie makes friends with a floating plastic bag. But can the sea be cleaned up in time so Jessie's friends can return to party and play?
5 of 30Personalised Baby Milestone Cards from Made By Ellis, £14.95
Milestone cards are a must for capturing all those first precious moments and this pack of 24 sweet pastel coloured illustrations is just the ticket. Additionally, this set is made that bit more special with a personalised case which new parents will love for years to come.
6 of 30ESSENTIAL Tots Organic Cotton Striped Socks Set from Tootsa, £14
We love anything with a face on it, so these 100% organic cotton socks tick all the boxes. Imagine all the photo ops they will create. And as an added bonus, they come with a mini cotton drawstring bag with… yep you've guessed it… a cute face on.
7 of 30Baby board book Selection from Little People BIG DREAMS, £5.99 each
This inspiring collection of board books is a must for little people. From Rosa Parks to Coco Chanel, this brilliant curated selection of role models is exactly what we should be teaching the new generation about - An important home-schooling lesson we think.
8 of 30Buster Dog Toy from Meri Meri, £23
It's hard to believe that soft toys could get any cuter than Buster the long-legged dog. Crafted from knitted organic cotton, Buster will be a gift for life. If anyone can prize him out of our fingers, that is.
9 of 30Watercolour Muslin Gift Set from Nubie, £18.50
These 100% cotton muslin squares will be in constant use – from mopping up spills, to burping, to lining the changing mat… We guarantee they will be the hardest working gift she's given.
10 of 30Mint Name Knit Sign from Little Cloud, from £12.50
This super affordable handmade sign can be personalised with your favourite colour and the new arrival's name. It will brighten up the room no end.
11 of 30Pop Up Book Selection from Thames and Hudson, £8.95 each
Pop up books are excellent for keeping tiny fingers and minds busy. We recommend this brilliantly funny range for babies and toddlers. They are so cleverly crafted they will even keep grownups entertained.
12 of 30Liewood Wooden Bear Teether Rattle from Molly Meg, £16
For the chicer new parents in your life: this minimalist Danish teether is made from 100% sustainable beech wood and doubles as a gentle rattle. And it's super easily cleaned with a wipe from a damp cloth.
13 of 30Sleep and Stress Collection from This Works, from £15
We would have included the entire This Works inventory if we could have fitted it in one shot. From Power Nap pillow spray to aid a productive snooze, to Baby Sleep pillow spray to get some solid hours in, to Stress Check beauty essentials to nourish the tiredest skin, this collection is God-send at this time.
14 of 30A3 Confetti Alphabet Chart Children's Print from Wonder and Rah, £25
Why not start home-schooling a little earlier? Help the little one learn their ABCs in the chicest way possible. The combination of colour-pops and type should please even the pickiest of interiors enthusiasts.
15 of 30All The Things I Wish For You from Papier, £18.99
Thoughtful personalised gifts always go down well, and this book is one of the best we've found. The illustrations are cute without being twee and seeing their name in print across the pages will mean this book will remain a firm favourite for years to come.
16 of 30Baby and Kids range from Dr Barbara Sturm, from £30
If you know a small person who only deserves the very best then Dr Barbara Sturm's baby and kids range is for you. The formulations will soothe even the most sensitive of baby skins (we can attest to this) and provide a barrier against the elements, stopping the irritation happening before it starts.
17 of 30Woolen Grey Chunky Knitted Baby Hat from The Bonnie Mob, WAS £31.95, NOW £14
There's nothing sweeter than a baby in a bobble hat. Especially this particular bobble hat in a chic gender-neutral grey. And don't forget to tie the ties tightly in order to keep it fixed on their little heads and off the pavement.
18 of 30Ro Scented Candle from Scandinavisk, £18
We are huge fans of the Skandinavisk candle. They not only ooze scandi-chic with their minimalistic glass votives, but also smell divine. Most importantly they are made of a non-toxic blend of perfume and sustainably-sourced vegetable waxes which are perfect for a little one's nose.
19 of 30Ferm LIVING Safari Lion Cushion from Cloudberry Living, £49
We would be lion if we said this wasn't the cutest big cat we have ever laid eyes on. He's super soft and babies will love playing with his tassels. Think of the joy he will spark every time you catch a glimpse of that little face.
20 of 30Monkey Comforter from The White Company, £16
This ridiculously soft velour monkey comforter will be irresistible to babies and parents alike. We love how easily the gender-neutral soft brown will slide into any colour scheme.
21 of 30Moulin Roty Light Grey Les Mustaches Fernand Slippers, £20
Have you ever seen a more perfect pair of baby booties? The French brand Moulin Roty fairytale aesthetic is a go-to for us and these cat booties do not disappoint.
22 of 30Rainbow Wall Decoration from Bobby Rabbit, £18
Simply crafted with wire and wool, this minimalist rainbow will brighten up the nursery no end… come rain or/and sun.
23 of 30Bowie Bears Print from Eightbear, £18
Step away from the twee and embrace the cool. For Bowie and/or bear enthusiasts, this affordable print mixes cute illustration with Ziggy Stardust vibes. It's a complete winner in our eyes.
24 of 30White Cloud and Star Little Lights, and Cloud Minis from A Lovely Little Company, £12.95 each and £3.95 per pack of 3
These softly glowing night-lights make the perfect gift. They are not only helpful for a baby getting used to sleeping on their own, but safe too as they use LED bulbs that won't ever get hot. And look at their little faces. We suggest accessorising with the mini clouds for maximum cuteness.
25 of 30Mother and Baby Organic Collection from Neals Yard Remedies, £45
Give mum and baby the perfect start with this organic collection which will help support them through the first few months. Gentle cleansers, balms and oils will leave the pair of them super soft and soothed.
26 of 30Tea & Tequila, DAISY SAMBA SKIRT, £100
There's nothing more welcoming to a new mother than comfortable clothing. Take this skirt for example, it's 100% cotton and is fitted with an elastic waist band – light and breathable for the summer. Plus, there's a matching dress available for when your little girl gets a bit older.
27 of 30Deeba London, MICAH EYE MASK, £35
Every new mother needs her beauty sleep, so when she does manage to find those moments of rest, treat her to this pure silk sleep mask.
28 of 30AURUM + GREY, CONNECT NAME NECKLACE, £160
Available in up to 10 letters, choose your newborns name, or simply their initials. And someday, they can wear it themselves.
29 of 30SnüzCloud Sleep Aid, John Lewis, £29.95
Treat the new mum in your life to this - the most useful gift ever. With two light options, and four sound options, this calming, super-soft cloud will help soothe their baby to sleep. And it really doesn't get better than that...
30 of 30Skip Hop Light Up Bath Toy, Jojo Maman Bebe, £8
This is the perfect distraction for a new baby (actually any baby or child) during bath time. Just pop this little guy in the bath and he will automatically light up with multiple colours-leaving Mum or Dad to wash that hair with a lot less fuss.