The Lockdown Timewarp: Why Am I So Busy And Where Has My Day Gone, Please?

Last week, ready for many an evening in, I finally opened the complete West Wing boxset I’d acquired at the beginning of my maternity leave in 2018 – and still hadn’t got around to opening. This, I was sure, was finally the time.

Except it wasn’t… because, like lots of people I’ve spoken to this week, time has not only lost all meaning, but also seems to be in short supply. The Lockdown Timewarp is a strange place to be, where we're trying to do everything, we should have the time to do it, but it feels like nothing gets done.

Like, to be honest, this piece, which was due yesterday.

I started work early, didn’t really take lunch and still had emails to sort out after 6pm. I just… still didn’t manage to find the time. I know I was supposed to take a mandated break and go for a walk, or do a yoga class, or… something else according to the internet, but I didn’t. Then we put our son to bed (I’d been up since 6am with him), had some dinner (and wine), then attempted to start Tiger King (because everyone else is, it seems) and promptly fell asleep half way through episode one. (No shade to Tiger King here btw, it seems great).

I was awake for 16 hours. No commute – saving two hours. No social plans – that’s a whole evening. Not even really any time deciding what to eat, because it’s what’s in the house. Where had the time gone – or as my colleague said, when we spoke about this piece, ‘What even is time right now?’

Another friend was perhaps less cerebral in her summary: ‘Where is everyone else getting the time to make sourdough and put it on Instagram?’ she wrote to me in a dashed off WhatsApp.

It reminds me of that feeling I had on maternity leave where the days seemed short, but also long. But, like, times a million. And also in the sense that I'd heard of these people who write BOOKS on their maternity leave, but that I often returned home without anything I needed, because I could barely write a shopping list.

So much content (of course lots of good content, that you can find on this very website) and messaging from the government and charities has been about the importance of keeping busy and staving off boredom. But many of us feel at odds to that. That the ‘silver lining’ to lockdown we’d been promised – finished box sets, tidied drawers, yoga headstands conquered (though I’d settle for a shoulder stand) and, yes, sourdough to be baked – hasn’t really emerged.

As with everything in life, it of course depends on your circumstances. For many with children at home, the time is now swallowed up by them – whether that’s in providing entertainment, or having to care for them (alone or in shifts with a partner) during the day, so you have to finish off your work in the evenings. It’s also making the meals that used to be provided at schools and childcare – and the tidying up that having children at home 24/7 involves when your toddler’s favourite thing to do is run around shouting ‘wheeeeeeeeey!’ while throwing things. You might have some time after bedtime. That is, of course, if you can get them to sleep, if they’ve not been tired out enough, or are wired on the TV and sweets you bribed them with to get three emails done.

And it is dependent on people’s workloads. Obviously, many people have been left unemployed or had contracts cancelled, or freelance work stopped because of this crisis – so in many ways the ‘Agh where is the TIME!’ is very much a first-world problem humble brag. And of course for key workers, out there on the frontline (whether that be an ICU or a supermarket checkout) they really don’t have any time, for far more valid reasons.

But the pressure, for most of us, carrying out our day jobs at home, is still real. And the idea that some people are getting loads done (whether that be Netflix or an art project) seems baffling. One friend told me, ‘I’m finding it really hard to concentrate and actually do stuff – I feel like I’m in a real hole trying to be productive.’

Another added that workloads seem to have doubled. ‘There was a part of me that was thinking, “Oh brilliant, I’ll finally be able to get to a zero inbox and get ahead on my admin”. So how am I finding working from home to be so much busier than my usual day-to-day in the office? And seriously, where does the time go? Whether it’s the added anxiety to prove you’re still pulling your weight when your colleagues can’t see you ferociously tapping away at your keyboard, or the fact that there are so many lines of communication to field – from Microsoft Teams to WhatsApp, calls and your seemingly never ending inbox - it feels like it’s all adding up. That said, I’m hopeful this is just an adjustment phase…

And the calls… the calls continue outside of work. Friends we’d usually only manage to meet up with four times a year after 75 Doodles, we’re now having daily houseparties with. The WhatsApp chats are off the chart, whether it’s friends all checking in on each other (obviously a good, important thing) or local area/street/building WhatsApps seeing is anyone needs help (again: good thing) or that ONE person in your phone who sends 84 coronavirus memes and videos to their whole phonebook daily (I’ll let you make your own mind up on that one). Is anyone else charging their phone constantly?

‘Funnily enough, we're forgetting we don't have more time really because we're more relaxed about our day,’ says Performance Coach and Business Psychologist, Sue Firth. ‘So, where we got up, got dressed and commuted to work we've dropped all that. Therefore when we wake up we might not feel under pressure to get up. This creates a less structured, less disciplined day and our mind wanders.’

And when it comes to utilising the time we have, she adds that the environment we’re in could be adding to our inability to be productive. ‘The principal problem I think is our homes are somewhere we have deliberately structured to be a place of rest, relaxation and down time so to suddenly try and gear up so that we 'use' them differently feels alien and strange,’ she says. ‘I also got up at a perfectly reasonable time this morning but having my daughter around (even though she's 22), totally messed up my structure and my day. She's not disruptive but I expect to stop and have coffee with her, so does she. I also have to liaise all the time. The surroundings are not what we expect and this takes some time to settle in to.

‘I honestly thought I would find this easy because I work from home but I'm not used to the distractions. This is the issue. We all thought work was distracting and therefore home would be quiet but it isn't, especially if you now have young children at home you have to homeschool!’

Counselling Directory member Beverley Hills suggests timetabling your day, making things into blocks of time will increase your sense of achievement. She added, ‘It’s important to understand not only are you in charge of your own anxieties but also how to recover from them. One of the ways we do this is by raising our own feel-good chemicals in our brain. We can do this by engaging with the activities and people we love, releasing serotonin which contributes to wellbeing and happiness and dopamine levels which plays a role in how we feel pleasure.’

Sue also encourages timetabling and making a plan to help with the days. ‘If you are looking after children or you live with someone have a sensible conversation and liaise about what you need. Structure the day to share this responsibility so that you can get things done and still feel productive,’ she says, adding: ‘Play to your strengths if you can. If you know you're creative in the morning make sure that's the timetabled slot for that task. Batch tasks together of the same type. Try to push it so that you start sensibly - say at 10am then work hard for an hour. It's better to feel you've completed something than let things drift and waste time.

I’m off to do my timetable… Any. Minute. Now…