For the most part, Mariah Carey is pretty predictable. No matter the weather, she'll never be too far from a pair of sunglasses, Christmas is her jam and lip syncing will probably happen in her live sets. But this time, she's gone and taken us by surprise. Following in the footsteps of Britney Spears, Mariah will be performing in Blackpool this year. Yes, Blackpool. For her only UK appearance in 2018.
Rogue, isn't it? Well, Mimi the Great is making her way to the northwest to headline Livewire Festival this year. Taking place at the Tower Festival Headland Arena over the August bank holiday weekend, the Livewire line up includes the likes of Boys II Men and Matt Goss.
As far as we can tell, Mariah has never visited the great seaside town of Blackpool before, and I think it's fair (albeit a little judgemental, but forgive me here) to assume that she doesn't know that much about it either. So, we thought it would be super helpful to draw up a little guide for the pop princess of the early 90s to best experience the home of Britain's favourite Eiffel Tower lookalike.
Ride the Pepsi Max Rollercoster
Because anyone who grew up in the northwest will know that a summer holiday wasn't legitimately a summer holiday if you didn't go and ride the Pepsi Max rollercoaster, aka The Big One. We reckon Mariah would thoroughly enjoy a not so leisurely trip to one of the UK's most revered(ish) theme parks on a hot and sticky bank holiday afternoon, no?
Meet Britain's most British celebs at Madame Tussauds
On an international scale, Blackpool's Madame Tussaudes is pretty niche. But for an education in Britain's A, B and C list celebrities, there's nowhere better for Mimi to visit. No, she won't be able to find a waxwork of herself to take a selfie besides, but the wax cast of Coronation Street, Keith Lemon and Joanna Lumley will all be there waiting for their photo op.
Do the obligatory bus tour
A great shout for when Blackpool gets hit with a bout of unwelcome August rain and a chance for Mariah to mingle with the locals and really get a sense of what Blackpool is about, you know? Or, better yet, get the tram.
Live the Strictly Come Dancing dream
Fun fact: Strictly Come Dancing often takes place at Blackpool's very own Tower Ballroom about mid-way in the series, which isn't far from where Mariah will be performing. This obviously means that a tour of the BBC famous ballroom only makes sense and seeing as the majority of Mariah's Las Vegas residency wardrobe looks like its come straight from the ballroom dance floor, she's already half way to recreating a cheeky little routine from the nation's favourite telly competition. Hey, if Brighton is good enough for Bruno...
MORE: A Comprehensive Guide To Britney Spears' Instagram Evolution
Debrief Evolution of Britney Spears' Instagram
1 of 38Look! Look how cute and funny Britney was. We tried to be this girl, with the sharing of generic funny memes, but it didn't work. Britney was into it, though...
Caption: none
2 of 38One more time for the sharing of Insta-friendly mantras. Take note, the gospel of Britney Spears and the equivalent of posting a song lyric as your Facebook status.
Caption: none
3 of 38Prom pictures never die. Here's your proof courtesy of Britney and Las Vegas show bae.
Caption: 'Last show of the week with @samasghari
4 of 38Remember we mentioned stock imagery? Here's a random horse (no, not unicorn) galloping in the abyss. Don't question it, go with it.
Caption: none
5 of 38When was the last time you saw anyone pose with their bottoms scrunched so low? Other than Britney's Instagram?
Caption: 'What's better than sweats and a tshirt? :)'
6 of 38Let's not forget that Britney is a mum of two. Here are her kids, they pop up quite a bit.
Caption: 'Dinner in Hawaii. Literally the best!'
7 of 38This was a regram because Britney was excited about the arrival of Spring. It was nice, if not a little rogue.
Caption: 'Spring is here!!!'
8 of 38No, I don't think that Britney was out strolling in a meadow and decided to pause and the time to take and edit this picture either. But you know, stock photography is there and someone's gotta use it...
Caption: 'Absolutely lovely'
9 of 38Hands up if you think this is homemade?
Caption: 'Ice creeeaaam all day long please heart emojis'
10 of 38Never forget that Britney Spears is an athlete. This isn't some random 'look at me at the gym' post. Oh no, this is a reminder that Britney Spears can still run, jump and split like she used to.
Caption: 'Back at the gym.... stretch and run all the way *hearts and bikini emojis'
11 of 38See here a joke that Britney pulled straight out of our school years. In case you needed another reminder that Britney is a 36 year old mum and finds this sort of thing lolz too.
Caption: notepad emoji, bow emoji, bag emoji
12 of 38#goals before Britney knew what #goals were
Caption: none
13 of 38Here we're starting to arrive at the 'watch me model my own clothes and be super happy about it' phase. We're here for it. And the dog.
Caption: <3
14 of 38This is how Britney likes to read on her visits to Asia, apparently. And no, no one else in the world was having nearly as much fun as Britney in this moment right here.
Caption: 'Having such a good time on this Asia tour! woohoo!!!!'
15 of 38SO HERE FOR THIS LOOK AREN'T YOU? Also that's her little sister Jaime Lyn Spears in the photo with her
Caption: 'Blast from the past wink emojis'
16 of 38I like to think that Britney's mum took this photo.
Caption: 'My favourite dress'
17 of 38That time Britney brought back the duck face whether anyone asked for it all not
Caption: 'On days where I don't get primped and made up for my show, this is the real unglammed me... so nice to meet all of you! I call this my morning coffee at home look #NoMakeupMonday if you don't count the leftover mascara under my right eye... laugh face emoji'
18 of 38Here come the filters. You'll soon see that Britney is a big fan of the 'shocked face' pose.
Caption: lots of emojis. Namely the bikini, the buttefuly, the bow, the purse, the dancing bunny girls and a confetti canon.
19 of 38Oh the famous Britney abs. A special shout out goes to the belly button ring that my parents wouldn't let me get.
Caption: five high heel emojis and six lipstick emojis
20 of 38This is the moment that the world took the time to take a proper look at Britney's Instagram. The time that she painted a mastetpiece (which was later sold) in a crop and short shorts.
Caption: 'Sometimes you just gotta play!!!!! all the emojis'
21 of 38And a fleeting glimpse of Princess Brit in her element: on stage, in Las Vegas, wearing a school tie.
Caption: 'Back on stage tonight! See ya soon!!!'
22 of 38If you're the sort of person who stresses about writing the perfect caption to go with your perfect picture, it's cool. Britney is here to show you that they can be completely disconnected and still rake in the likes.
Caption: 'Love is blind'
23 of 38We'll allow these intermittent 'look how happy I am with my significant other' picture because as far as celebrities go, Britney doesn't piss everyone off with the typical consistent happy people gloating.
'So in love with this puppy fox emoji @samasghari *pumpkin and ghost emojis'
24 of 38The commitment to the fun social mantras is strong.
Caption: 'I'm gonna marry chocolate'
25 of 38Another video entry worth revisiting, with a complicated backstory. But basically classic Brit singing in classic Brit voice wearing a LBD.
Caption: 'I was really inspired yesterday by @madonna's post. She's right... silence=death! These words really stuck with me, because they are so true. I've always wanted to do a performance like this... singing in a pretty little black dress, with a simple 360, one take shot! I figured since it was my birthday, why not go for it?! so boom. When the clock struck 12:00, I did it!!! Thank you all for the beautiful birthday wishes, and for letting me do what I love. I appreciate you more than you will ever know!!!'
26 of 38Now, Britney doesn't often dabble in the political world, but when she does, she'll dress for the occasion.
Caption: 'We are all Dreamers sparkle emoji Tell Congress to pass the #DreamAct'
27 of 38Evolution of Britney Spears' Instagram
Caption: 'Enjoying the holiday break!'
28 of 38What, you don't look like that when sunning yourself on the beach? Me neither but it's okay because, Britney.
Caption: hat emoji, bow emoji
29 of 38Britney. Queen of minimally stressful gym selfies.
Caption: 'I love cardio and sweating, but over doing anything just isn't goo. It's been nice working out a little less these last few weeks and enjoying time off with my children!!!'
30 of 38If only we all had grand double French doors and a wind machine on standby to recreate these home photoshoots. If only.
Caption: bow emoji
31 of 38Told you Britney was all of us.
Caption: 'This was from our lil trip to see Aladdin. What a great show!!!'
32 of 38If you can locate this video on Britney's Insatgram, you'll have the pleasure of listening to her pretending to be a cat. A cat with a British accent.
Caption: cat emojis.
33 of 38Here's what is most likely the only time Britney has posted a picture of a landscape that she was physically at to shoot. Well done bbz.
Caption: 'Great day behind the lens!!!'
34 of 38Clothes shopping for Britney Spears would be really easy, to be fair.
Caption: 'Going out tonight!! Found my red dress!!!!! shoe emojis'
35 of 38This is almost definitely what sealed the deal in the KENZO negotiations.
Caption: 'Sometimes you're just trying to get out the door and go to your favourite restaurant when your girlfriend pulls out her phone... so naturally you got to strut like it's a runway show!!!'
36 of 38For the record, Britney celebrates St Patrick Day in white, off the shoulder bodycon dresses. No cheesy, offensive gimmick necessary.
Caption: hat emoji, two bunny girls emojis, a clover emoji and a white dove
37 of 38One more cheeky Instagram proverb to tease us with before the big reveal of the new, reinvented Fashion Britney.
Caption: coffee emojis
38 of 38And now, Kenzo Britney serving those Pepsi ad meets Beyoncé 'Crazy In Love' vibes.
Caption: 'La Collection Memento No2 from @KENZO'
Follow Jazmin on Instagram @JazKopotsha