According to research gathered by the mental health charity Relate, millennials and Gen Z are in the middle of a ‘milestone anxiety’ crisis. With the pandemic essentially setting us back two years whether in our careers or our quests to find love, fears of being ‘behind’ on the road to accomplishment and contentment have been exacerbated for many.
From my experience in my own social circles, there are two camps of people: the ones getting engaged and buying houses, or the ones still renting, living with housemates and dating like it’s going out of style. But is either lifestyle anymore worthy than the other? One person’s thriving monstera is another’s bouncing bundle of joy, success is relative and any excuse for a celebration in my books.
Because while getting engaged, buying a house or getting promoted are all cause for a big pat on the back and a gathering of friends and family to validate your achievements, it’s nobody’s daily reality. US president Teddy Roosevelt once said that comparison is the thief of joy, and all of us can relate to how soul-destroying, how confidence-crushing it is to feel that everyone around you is making giant strides in their life when your biggest win lately has been keeping your houseplant alive for six months.
So good news, then, that a major Italian restaurant chain is not only encouraging you to take joy from the little things but offering free food and drinks as an (even better) incentive. ASK Italian are offering a free round of cocktails throughout October for any single celebrating deleting their dating apps; other ‘modern milestones’ like leaving a toxic job, reuniting with old friends or reaching a million views on TikTok will also bag you some desserts or a drink, and yes: even keeping that houseplant alive is cause for celebration.
And the data backs it up: in September, searches around ‘ways to leave’ a job or relationship were up 67% from last year, with a a 58% positive sentiment to advice around the subject; ‘dating’ burnout’ is definitely a thing, with over 100% increase in search year on year, and being a ‘plant parent’ (up 200%) is a legitimate life choice. And that’s not all; in their 2022 predictions for the year ahead, Pinterest suggested it would be the year of celebrating life’s small wins and modern milestones, with trending searches on the platform including ‘break up cake’, ‘adopt a pet birthday party ideas’ and ‘divorce party ideas’.
It’s 2022, and we know by now that marriage, kids, and a semi-detached in suburbia is far from a one-size-fits all dream for a lot of us; in fact, none of those things feature in my future plans at all. For now, I’m more than fulfilled doing a job I love, living alone in a flat I feel at home in and prioritising socialising and self-care above grander responsibilities like, you know, keeping a small human alive. In fact, the life I’m living now is the one my 17-year-old-self manifested (and worked bloody hard to get), and if that’s not worth a nice meal out, then I don’t know what is.
To me, my achievements have been cumulative: they haven’t come out of nowhere, hitting me in the face with the velocity of a small car. They didn’t come in a ring box, or in the deeds to a house. They were so hard won and incremental that, over the last few years, they’ve been easy to miss. It’s been easy to tell myself I haven’t got anything going for me if, when I’m feeling particularly sorry for myself, ‘anything’ has meant milestones that I’d had no intention crossing off in the first place.
We know that practicing gratitude can improve mental health and increase happiness by boosting both dopamine and serotonin as well as self-esteem. That’s not to say, obviously, that you shouldn’t strive for more - side note: a puppy/kitten and a flat I can paint whichever colour I like are still very much on my to-do list - but to combat milestone anxiety, it seems like all you need is a shift in perspective (and a free whiskey sour won’t hurt).