Earlier this week, Rihanna admitted she struggles with balancing work and her personal life. Posting an apology to her friends and family on Instagram, she asked for forgiveness for not contacting them – saying ‘I’m working on that ish called balance. Brb.’
It’s a familiar sentiment for many of us. Work can be overwhelming and all-consuming, no matter how successful you are. In fact, according to TRU’s national friendship survey, 90% of people want to spend more quality time with friends but feel they are too busy.
So much so, that finding balance between work and life has become something of a social trend. We invest in #selfcare, put on face masks and take a bath after a hard day versus going for drinks with colleagues. But so rarely do we actually examine the crux of our work/life problem.
Growing up, many of us are taught that having a successful career will fulfil your life’s purpose. As women, we might also be told to raise families and prioritise children – but we still face the pressure to make a success of your work life, if anything to combat the previous century's pressure to be the perfect housewife.
Of course, this massively depends on how privileged your family is. My mum grew up working class and worked her way from a council estate to owning a five bedroom house in the suburbs of Liverpool. As a child of someone who has moved up the class system, who understands that money can actually buy happiness when it comes to having more resources for your children and less financial stress, you are taught specific values about how to prioritise your life.
I was raised to work hard and succeed because of her words, but I also learnt from watching her actions that prioritising your career above all else can cause you untold harm.
My mum worked for 40 years in a job she never imagined doing for her whole life. Her ability to move up the ladder made her enjoy it. She was the best at her job and being the best was important for her to provide for her family. But being the best also meant she had to prioritise success in her career over all else, including her happiness. As a result, I watched her come home every day complaining about her job, face untold pressure to perform, and ultimately, develop health issues because of the stress.
I was raised to work hard and succeed because of her words, but I also learnt from watching her actions that prioritising your career above all else can cause you untold harm. As a result, I developed the opinion that your career must not only be something you love, but it mustn’t be all you have.
Regardless of upbringing, Western society idolises people who have successful careers. Whether it’s actors at the peak of their game, entrepreneurs in documentaries or billionaires on reality TV. We watch them as children and learn that being considered the best at a particular skill or job is important to make you feel valued or give you a legacy.
It’s okay if you don’t want to be a CEO or have a side hustle or be ‘the best’. If your career doesn’t make you feel joy every single day, it’s okay to incorporate other things into your day that will. Or, to plan your life around things that do bring you joy. Maybe you take that sabbatical and travel, maybe you ask for flexible working hours for that hobby, maybe you quit and find a job that doesn't make people think 'wow, they're successful' but actually gives you purpose. We all have to work, yes - but we don't all have to fight and struggle and stress ourselves out every day trying to climb the ladder of being 'the best'.
There are so many different ways to live. We’re taught one path: to go to university, get a job, buy a house, get married and start a family all the while being promoted year on year. But if you do all of those things out of this obligation to fit the norm, and they don’t actually bring you joy or add value to your life, will you be as fulfilled as you expect?
And when it comes to your career, it's important to ask yourself - how much success is enough for you to feel fulfilled? Do you really want what comes with that promotion? Will you actually enjoy that CEO position? Will being 'the best' actually add value to your life?
It’s important to sit back and recognise what things we personally value in our lives – not just the things we’re told to - and to run towards those things even if it means we don’t get that promotion or reach that goal. As long as you have truly felt happiness every day, surely that’s all that matters in the end.
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