Dreaming About Your Ex Is 25 Times More Common In Lockdown

‘I’ve had two dreams about the same ex this week alone,’ says Gina, 24. ‘They were both such happy dreams. We were back together again and being our usual selves - laughing and joking around. It felt so real, like nothing had ever changed. When I woke up I was quite startled… Why was I dreaming about him when I’m certain I don’t want to be with him? But also, I was a little upset, because it reminded me of the good times.’

Gina is not alone. According to digital marketing agency AGY47, Brits are 25 times more likely to dream about an ex in lockdown. How do they know this? Because Google searches for ‘why am I dreaming about my ex’ have increased by a staggering 2,450% since the UK lockdown measures were announced on 23 March – compared to this time last year.

But the dreams are not always as heart-warming as Gina’s. Laura, for example, describes hers better as nightmares. ‘I’m haunted by dreams about my most recent ex-boyfriend,’ she says. ‘I mean nightmares, really. I wake up every damn day thinking about him. In my non-expert opinion, it’s because I’m feeling lonely at the minute since I’m in lockdown alone.’

But what about the expert opinion, what can dreaming about our exes all of a sudden possibly mean? According to dream expert Lauri Loewenberg, it depends on whether you’re single or in a relationship…

‘Lockdown is forcing us to spend way more time with our current partners than we are used to,’ she tells Grazia. ‘What we perceive as negative or less than appealing traits in our current partner can be amplified right now. The subconscious brain starts comparing qualities and faults between our current and ex-partner. This can help us see that we have upgraded or that we are seemingly in the exact same relationship but [with a] different person.

‘For those that are single, lockdown is making it much harder to find a partner so the subconscious brain resorts to previous ones,’ Lauri continues. ‘Not only to compensate for loneliness but also to evaluate that which we liked in the ex and that which we didn't, so when it is time to get back out there, we are well prepared to find the right one.’

But it’s not just in lockdown; ex dreams are the top five most common dreams in general according to Lauri’s extensive research. Particularly, those that left a big imprint on our lives.

‘The ex we dream about the most is our first love, or the one where there was the most passion,’ she says. ‘They will show up in our dreams when we are in a dry spell or our current relationship has become a little too routine and hum-drum. That ex is a reminder from our subconscious that it is time to spice things up, bring the passion back into our life or our current relationship.

‘The second most common ex is the abusive ex or the one that did us wrong,’ Lauri adds. ‘They left a scar on our psyche and whenever something is happening in our current life that makes us feel the way that ex did – for example rejected, ugly, no good, untrusting - we will dream of the abusive or crappy ex because we haven't been able to let go of or fully heal from those feelings.’

And in lockdown, those dreams can only get more vivid thanks to all the extra sleep we’re getting (and you thought that would be a good thing, huh?). ‘We are dreaming more while in lockdown because most of us don't have to get up as early in order to get ready and go to work,’ Lauri says. ‘That extra time in bed in the morning allows us to reach that last cycle of REM dream sleep. We have REM dream sleep every 90 minutes throughout the night but don't normally reach the last cycle of dreaming because of our alarm clocks. That last cycle of REM is the longest of all the previous ones and can be up to 45 minutes long. So yes, our dreams lately are more vivid and longer than we are used to.’

Well, at least in doesn’t necessarily mean you’re still in love with your ex – that’s some good news, right?

Read More: Stories about life and love in lockdown...