It's the one shining light at the end of this Netflix and homeschool-filled tunnel - the covid vaccine. So it's unsurprising by one of the biggest searches on the internet right now is 'when will I get the covid vaccine?'
There's the covid vaccine calculator everyone has shared (my result was slightly depressing, I can't think about that) and that's also high on everyone's google list too. Because, ultimately when we watch our 95th hour of Real Housewives Of We're Not Even Sure Where all we want to know is 'When will this be over?' And when we wake in the middle of the night worried about the health of our parents, grandparents and selves we want to know 'When will they be safe?' When we end ANOTHER ZOOM QUIZ, well, then we really need an end in sight.
And that all basically translates (given our current government omnishambles doing little to protect us) to when will I get the covid vaccine?
All of this, I'm hoping, will go some way to explaining why I, and others I've spoken to, are developing a kind of vaccine anxiety. NOT about getting it, but about when we might get it and whether it will continue to be handed out in a fair manner.
Because attached to the question of when will I get the covid vaccine, are a lot of other occurs-to-you-at-3am questions.
Like... Has the GP definitely not text my Nan about her covid vaccine appointment, and she's missed it? Will my brother moving mean he slips through the gap? Will my friend who works for a nursing home get one as well as her residents? Will my 60-something parents fall into that gap where the government stop lockdown, and they're the oldest non-vaccinated group and so at risk again? How long will it be REALLY until some big company buys a load of vaccine and does all of their staff and half of my friends are 'safe' and half aren't? Am I at the back of a very long queue? Do I trust the government to roll this out properly? Do I trust them to administer second doses properly? And yes, when will I get the covid vaccine, sorry?
Look, everyone has a lot of 3am thoughts, right? And not all totally selfish.
It's not all about wondering when will I get the covid vaccine so I can go to the pub? (but I think it's ok to partly feel like that to be honest after nearly a year). Lots of it just all feels... agh, a bit scary and messy and potentially unfair and another thing to worry about.
Those anxieties are further exacerbated by stories like those that are starting to emerge such as those in The Telegraph, of rich people paying thousands to go on a month-long luxe jolly to Dubai to get the vaccine so they don't have to wait.
It's teeth-grindingly rage-inducing in both its unfairness (DOCTORS HAVEN'T HAD IT YET FFS AT LEAST GET IN LINE BEHING THEM) but also it's aching inevitability. Didn't we all fear it wouldn't be long before the government's plan to prioritise by age and vulnerability would be overrun by MONEY?
To me that raises alarm bells, why is a healthy young woman getting a vaccine when my shielding friends and older parents haven’t heard anything at all?
Sarah told me: 'I really hope people who are used to being able to buy their way to the front of the queue use some moral judgement and don’t try that with the vaccine. Someone tweeted recently that, if anything, poorer people should get it first, as they’re most likely to be working in higher risk jobs. And yet the sad reality is it’s likely to be the other way round. It always is. Richer people are probably far safer than everyone else as they have job and house security, so it’ll be so unfair if they manage to fast track themselves out of the pandemic at the expense of people with less money than them whose lives are more likely to be affected by covid.'
The Daily Mail also reports that NHS workers are 'frustrated' that admin staff are being offered the Covid-19 vaccine before frontline doctors and nurses and that hospitals and GP surgeries face delays to deliveries of the crucial jab.
Melissa says similar stories emerging from her friendship circle have made her feel panicked about whether the vaccine is being distributed in the right way.
'I have a friend who is being vaccinated because she works for a chemist, but she’s literally in the office all day, she’s not dealing with the public at all and she could easily work from home.' she said. 'Maybe it’s necessary to vaccinate all staff in the health industry to keep that sector running smoothly, but as far as I can tell, if she had to go off work with coronavirus, the company would not fall apart.
'To me that raises alarm bells, why is a healthy young woman getting a vaccine when my shielding friends and older parents haven’t heard anything at all? It makes me wonder who is missing out, how many people could end up in hospital or die because they aren’t getting the vaccine for another few weeks or months, while companies vaccinate their office-based staff?'
Meanwhile, rumours swirl online that some people are getting the jab if they're at the doctors and some appointments haven't been taken that day, because they vaccine needs to be used - these are unverified at the moment though it's important to note.
In the same way that some sat at home alone this Christmas, while others clearly broke rules by self-justifying and mumbling something about bubbles, 'Oh but it was safe because I...' how long until people start trying to jump the queue any way they can? 'Oh, of course your Nan should have it first, but I do need it because...'
But, while I'll continue to ask my 80-something Nan weekly if she's heard anything yet, it's important to say I'm not bothering the NHS with any of my anxiety. Even if I don't trust this government, I have to put faith in them and - as advised by text like all of us - not call up asking questions around when you might get the vaccine.
The Daily Mail says figures from Our World in Data show the UK has administered 0.74 doses for every 100 people in the population – more than double the next successful country, which is Israel at 0.35. We can only hope that progress is continued and keep ourselves safe in the meantime.
Because ultimately, finding out when will I get the covid vaccine - and others jumping the queue - is out of my hands. But keeping myself and others in my community safe from covid through hand-washing and social-distancing the best I can, is still within my control.