A winning blend of couture and rich-people drama, Netflix’s Bling Empire is the luxe retreat from Lockdown 3 we all need. Yet, thanks to Andrew Gray, otherwise known for his role in Power Rangers Megaforce, the show also contains an unsettling dose of realism. In Bling Empire’s first episode, Andrew is shown verbally abusing his partner, the self-made millionaire Kelly Mi Li, for daring to go shopping without first informing him. An excerpt of this aggressive episode is included in the shows official trailer, indicating the show’s producers interpretation of Andrew’s abusive behaviour as an opportunity to attract more viewers.
When reflecting on his abusive behaviour towards Kelly, Andrew admits that he ‘exploded like a volcano’, and that he’s ‘still learning’, before apologising and crying into her neck. While his apology appears genuine, his actions appear to reflect a pattern of control: becoming aggressive at Kelly for leaving without his permission and intimidating her by shouting and swearing down the phone. It’s also known as ‘coercive control.’ And you can trace it all the way back to Noughties reality TV.
An excerpt of this aggressive episode is included in the shows official trailer, indicating the show’s producers interpretation of Andrew’s abusive behaviour as an opportunity to attract more viewers.
If The Hills (first aired in 2006) created the blueprint for reality TV, then its chief man-child Spencer Pratt created the blueprint for the walking red flag. Entering the show on its third series, his narcissistic, aggressive behaviour quickly drove a wedge between his girlfriend, Heidi Montag, and her long-term friend, Lauren Conrad. Spencer later claimed that it was always his intention to be the show’s villain, telling The Daily Beast that the infamous scene where he left Heidi, now his wife, on the roadside was entirely scripted and filmed multiple times. The season premiere, which showcased the messy situation between Spencer, Lauren and Heidi, reportedly averaged over 3.6 million viewers, up 44% from the season two premiere. The reality TV precedent was set: the more villainy, the more views.
It is this precedent that (up until now) has enabled reality TV personalities like Stephen Bear to thrive. Stephen was arrested at Heathrow airport on 15 January on suspicion of ‘disclosing private photographs or films without consent’ (he was released on bail until 10 February). He has enjoyed a decade-long string of reality TV appearances, causing controversy on each with his misogynistic conduct towards multiple women.
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A stint in Celebs Go Dating particularly highlighted his dangerous attitude; his behaviour included compulsively lying to women; abandoning or not turning up to dates; aggressively grabbing and kissing women without asking; pouring wine and tiramisu over a woman; asking a group of women “are all your minges shaved?”; pretending to “play the bongos” on a woman’s breasts, and asking twins for a threesome. While Stephen was eventually booted out of the Celebs Go Dating agency (mainly for lying about dating Charlotte Crosby and only partly due to his disrespectful behaviour), his ‘Best Bits’ are compiled into a neat little video on E4’s YouTube channel, currently with around 2.4M hits and plenty of advertising to skip through before you get to the juicy stuff. E4 clearly couldn’t condone his behaviour – so how are they still profiting from it?
Reality TV bosses avoid addressing potentially abusive situations by remarketing the perpetrators as ‘bad boys.’ Ask any die-hard Made In Chelsea fan for the most memorable line of the entire franchise and they’ll be immediately transported to the Thames, where Spencer Matthews, affectionately known as the show’s ‘bad-boy’, told Louise Thompson ‘It’s f*cking hard for me to respect you when you allow me to cheat on you.’ If you’re wondering how to explain gaslighting to someone, look no further.
See also Scott Disick, a perennial egotist (the guy literally refers to himself as Lord Disick) with a record of explosive outbursts, usually aimed at his on/off partner, Kourtney Kardashian. Despite this, his character has been lovingly remoulded as the straight-talking, ‘savage’ member of the Kardashian-Jenner empire. Hayu (Keeping Up With The Kardashians main streaming service) continually releases YouTube videos of Scott, humanising his questionable behaviour: from ‘Scott Disick's Most Over the Top Moments’ to ‘Scott Being SAVAGE For 10 Minutes.’ Where’s the one where ‘Scott Verbally Abuses His Wife For Literally Twenty Seasons?’
Throughout his reality TV career, Stephen Bear’s blatant misogyny has been repackaged as cheeky-chappy Essex bad-boy banter. Not only does this do a disservice to Essex boys, it also demonstrates the danger of repeatedly casting potentially abusive men as love interests on reality TV. While perpetrators must always be held responsible for their actions, there must also be accountability on behalf of the TV producers who egg them on in pursuit of ratings. If toxic relationships continue to be normalised for the sake of good telly, it’s perhaps inevitable that this behaviour will eventually seep from reality TV to plain old reality.
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