If you found yourself tearing up as you scrolled Twitter this morning it was most likely thanks to an adorable wedding video currently going viral. In the 30-second clip shared by Rex Chapman, a bride is seen about to toss her bouquet when she turns to her awaiting bridesmaids, walks towards one and hands it to her. The bridesmaids partner is behind her on one knee, waiting to propose himself.
The clip has over 200,000 likes, with many obsessing over the adorable gesture of love. But with over 4,000 replies too, you can bet all the comments aren’t as supportive. Because, nothing divides the internet like the dos and don’ts of attending someone else’s wedding.
‘Isn’t it kind of weird to propose at your friend’s wedding,’ one social media user responded to thousands of likes. ‘The nerve to take another woman's Day and make it about them. What is this guy thinking,’ another added.
‘Why are people acting like this was an upstage?’ someone else retorted back. ‘The bride was CLEARLY in on it. If she didn't have a problem with it why do you? We don't know who these people are to each other, but it is clear they are close knit, and all were involved in this surprise.’
It’s a contentious topic, it seems, with strong opinions on either side. In this instance, the bride is an active participant in the proposal, clearly hoping to share in her friends happy moment. But it does get you thinking… if your friends partner asked if they could propose at your wedding, could you say no?
‘I’d definitely be uncomfortable if one of my guests asked me to do this,’ says 30year-old HR manager, Lucy. ‘Because then you’re in a situation where if want to say no, everyone will think you’re a raging bitch or a “bridezilla”. But there’s load of valid reasons you wouldn’t want someone else getting engaged at you’re wedding other than just wanting all the attention.’
Lucy points to the logistics of it all. Depending on what kind of proposal the guest would want, be it extravagant or tied to a certain time of day or having all your guests watch, it would likely impede on the timings of what is normally a meticulously planned event.
‘What if you end up running late and ruining their sunset proposal?’ she questions. ‘What if they want to have photographs done and everyone else is waiting to sit down to eat? What if there’s a big drama around it and it ends up ruining something else you have planned for your day? I just think there’s loads of stressful parts of a wedding that you want to get over so you can enjoy the night, and this would only add to that.’
For Lillian, a digital assistant from Oxfordshire, it’s not that complex, she just wouldn’t want the spotlight off her day. ‘If someone proposed at my wedding I would have them beheaded on the spot,’ she says. ‘It’s MY day. I want people to come away from it thinking, “What a lovely day” not “I can’t believe Gary proposed to Sue!” Maybe I’m finally living up to my stereotype of being an attention-seeking only child.’
Hannah Banks-Walker, a fashion editor from London, agrees. ‘I think it’s completely unacceptable,’ she says. But not just for the bride, for the person being proposed to Lillian also says it would be a nightmare. ‘I would be so embarrassed if I was the guest being proposed to when I was meant to be celebrating someone else’s day,’ she adds. ‘It’s just not a win-win situation.’
I think it would add to the joy and buzzy atmosphere of the day.
For other brides-to-be, it all depends on who’s getting proposed to and how it’s approached with the marrying couple.
‘I’m supposedly getting married next year, Covid dependent, and the thought of a friend doing that at my wedding doesn’t make me angry at all,’ says Anna, a writer from Leeds. ‘My first thought is that it’d be fun because it would add to the joy and buzzy atmosphere of the day but I guess it would all depend on how it happened.
‘If it was a really close friend and the groom ran it by my partner and I first, I reckon I’d absolutely love it. But if it was some distant cousin or a random friend who’s not even in my close circle I’d find it very odd. I wouldn’t be annoyed or offended, I’d just think they were weirdos.’
For Rhiannon too, it would be acceptable as long as it wasn’t a surprise to the couple too.
‘The bride in this clip is obviously in on the whole thing and I think that would be the best way around things,’ she says. ‘If you're really desperate to do it at another person's wedding, you should ask for permission.’
So there you have it, the rules on proposing at weddings according to Grazia readers. Essentially, ask first and only do it if the marrying couple is truly invested being a part of your love story. Otherwise, you may just get beheaded…
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