As Christmas tunes eke their way into our ears and the shops fill with tinsel, are you feeling the tingle of stress at the thought of creating a Christmas that lives up to everyone’s expectations? Do you find yourself trawling the internet or the aisles, seeking gifts for teachers and aunts you’ve not spoken to in years? While the kids are counting down the days to Christmas, are you counting down the days until calm resumes?
If so, that’s understandable. A study published in The Lancet last month found mental health deteriorated sharply in 2020, with an estimated 76 million extra cases of anxiety globally blamed on the pandemic, and women and young people more likely to be affected. And we haven’t bounced back as restrictions have eased, with many women feeling the WFH boundary-creep, as well as being more likely to be in customer-facing or caring roles, which increase Covid-related stress.
But, before we write off a festive effort totally, deep breaths. A few gentle tweaks to your mindset could help you fight the festive people-pleasing urge and find a way to emerge from the Christmas season feeling good. Here’s how…
Stop with the ‘shoulds’
Christmas is littered with traditions and shoulds. ‘I should send cards, I should invite the grumpy uncle, I should buy everyone gifts despite my bank balance.’ Christmas can feel like a minefield, finding you putting more energy into pleasing others rather than considering what you actually want and need. So, question the ‘shoulds’ and the traditions. Traditions need only be kept if they are serving you. Consider whether you must do all the things you feel you should and sidestep some of them in order to help you walk into 2022 with your cup a little fuller.
Narrow your goalposts
Instead of spending the next few weeks burning yourself out to meet everyone else’s festive expectations, maybe it’s time to consider what you need from this time? What are your Christmas stress points? Is it thinking about hosting, or cooking or buying gifts? Could you head to a pub on Christmas Day instead of sweating over a hob, or opting for Secret Santa instead of buying for everyone? Where we place our expectations for the weeks ahead will be the difference between lying under the tree in an exhausted heap and actually being able to embrace and inhale the joy.
Notice the good times
In the frenzy of Christmas, I like to remind myself that ’the magic is often in the moment’ as it prompts me to find something in the present that brings me joy. It might be the smiling face of one of my kids or the warmth of a radiator alerting me of my privilege. Gratitude is an invitation to notice the good things that sit alongside the mess, the stress and the hard. It widens our vision and enables us to feel the joy that is there for the taking.
Don’t give it all away
Keep some leftovers of this special time for yourself. And I’m not talking about a plate of sprouts, but instead the energy and enjoyment of the festive time. If you’re the organiser, ensure you ringfence a little something for yourself too. Remember that just as a car needs fuel to drive, you need nourishing to be able to keep giving. Consider what refuels you – is it an online yoga class, a chapter of your favourite book? A walk with a great podcast on? Prioritise those things.
Pause before accepting
Post-lockdown, our socialising muscles haven’t fully regained strength yet, so a full diary can lead to exhaustion more quickly than it did pre-pandemic. Before you reply ‘yes’ to an invite, consider your week and how you might be feeling energy-wise. If you need to say ‘yes’, try adding a ‘but’. ‘Yes, please do come over. But we are having some family time from 6pm.’ Saying yes with limits decreases the chances of you feeling exhausted or resentful.
Visit themothermindway.com for Anna’s video guide on How To Have A Merry Imperfect Christmas, £10. Instagram @annamathur