Honey Ross: ‘Watching My Parents In The Not-So-Lovely TV Industry Made Me Want To Create A Safe Space For Women To Feel Enough As They Are’

‘As a larger woman who hasn’t been shown the most positive representations of fat women in love in the past, to now be a fat woman in love myself I want others to know that’s there for you. There is someone for you and you can find that magic, and you can find it on Bumble.’

Honey Ross is sat across from me on Zoom, beaming with an easy brightness that feels very apt for our conversation all about falling in love. As Bumble’s partner for their latest campaign about dating post-lockdown, the 24-year-old body positivity activist is perfectly placed to inspire women who might not have their head in the dating game right now.

The co-host of podcast Body Protest, Honey went public with her boyfriend, musician Zane Saz, earlier this year and the pair have since appeared alongside her father, Jonathon (and brother Harvey) on Celebrity Gogglebox – providing all of the entertainment we need to get through those pingdemic isolation periods.

Honey tells me she one day hopes to marry Zane, but her new love isn’t the only reason she’s ideal for this campaign – it’s also because of her incredible work making women feel, not just comfortable, but confident in the skin we’re so often told is not good enough.

Research conducted by Bumble shows that more than half of UK adults are now less confident about the way they look than they were pre-pandemic. In people aged 25-34, that figure jumps to 81%. The result? 58% of people under 34 are cancelling dates due to body insecurities, and 30% are reluctant to get physically intimate with new people as soon as they used to.

‘I’ve been on a very long journey with my body confidence, so I’m pretty rock solid now,’ Honey tells me as we read through the haunting statistics. ‘But as someone with anxiety, I really relate to that feeling of vulnerability of being perceived on a date, and what it actually takes to put yourself out there. It breaks my heart to think that people are letting the hang-ups they have about their bodies hold them back from meeting someone that could potentially be so special.’

The statistics don’t need to be interpreted as wholly miserable, though – in fact, Honey says we should consider them as the push we need to get back out there.

‘Bumble’s research should actually be quite heartening because it’s clear that we all feel the same way,’ she explains. ‘After the last 18 months that we've had, everybody is feeling more tentative and vulnerable. But we’ve never needed connection more than now, so to let your feelings about your own body hold you back from dating is really counterproductive when we now know 58% of people are most likely feeling just as wobbly as you are.’

It should unify us then, that we’re all so insecure right now – and serve as a reminder that there are actually safe spaces to date. Bumble, for example, have banned body-shaming on the app, as well as unsolicited and derogatory comments, including any language that can be deemed fat-phobic, ableist, racist, colourist, homophobic or transphobic.

They’ve created bots, Honey explains, that detect this language so they can actively step in and protect users from it. More than that, the developers at Bumble have also created an AI algorithm called Private Detector, which detects when someone has sent a lewd photo and gives users the option to view or decline it and thus promote consent on the app. ‘If you send an unsolicited lewd photo and are reported, you will be blocked from using the app,’ a spokesperson for Bumble explained.

They’re really doing a lot then – compared to other apps – to actively step in and create spaces where women can exist and date with confidence. Like so many women, unsolicited images are something Honey is more than familiar with, and exactly why she supports Grazia’s campaign to make cyberflashing a crime.

‘I'm hard pressed to find a person who hasn't received an unsolicited dick pic,’ she tells me as we discuss the campaign. ‘I’ve definitely found that because I am very sex positive online, people maybe take that as an invitation. It’s a huge problem, and I fully support the banning of unsolicited photos. It’s something I've experienced my whole life and that I've watched my friends experience their whole lives. Even outside of activism and being an influencer, I've been receiving unsolicited dick pics since I was a teenager.’

Protecting women really seems to be the theme of this campaign then, because women already had to deal with all of these dating-adjacent issues prior to lockdown; before the prospect of getting back out there and meeting people began to feel even more vulnerable as our relationships with our bodies, selves and social media changed.

That’s a big part of this, social media – because just as women like Honey have created incredible communities for women to feel safe online, it’s also the place we’re often subject to intense pressures to fit the so-called ‘Instagram beauty standard’. Year after year, we’re lamented with ‘beach body ready’ terminology, as if women haven’t been complaining about how damaging those phrases are in droves. It’s no surprise we’re feeling less confident than ever then, and that’s having a knock-on effect on our dating lives.

But why then, are the companies spouting these messages not listening to us?

‘It benefits the old white men in charge to keep us all hating our bodies,’ says Honey. ‘There is a reason that this conversation keeps coming around, because it's in certain company's best interests to try and make us not like ourselves. So it's even more important for us to aggressively love ourselves to try and counter that.

‘Because when you hate yourself, who was that benefiting? It’s benefiting some old man in a corporate office who is able to cash in on our insecurities,’ she continues. ‘It’s all on purpose, and it shouldn’t be on us – but we as consumers need to be extra careful with who we're giving our attention to, and who we're actually allowing to infiltrate our minds with that messaging.’

Fighting such sexist messaging is one of many reasons Honey felt compelled to create her community online encouraging women to 'aggressively love themselves'. It's also one of many reasons her parents are so proud of her. Not only is Honey’s father an award-winning broadcaster, her mother, Jane Goldman, is a critically-acclaimed screenwriter, author and producer.

'Part of the reason I went into [activism] is because I grew up in the industry watching them and just seeing how it's not a lovely industry all the time,’ Honey tells me. ‘To be able to create a space that makes women feel like they can just exist - that your body, however it shows up, however it changes, is enough - is great.

‘My mum could not be more supportive with that and I'm really glad,’ she continues. ‘Because it’s so complicated being a woman, the stages you go through, the journeys and how you're treated differently at every stage. We're constantly playing a game of contortion, trying to fit into different positions and be different things. But you're already enough. If you never did any of the stuff that we've been told to do again, that would be absolutely fine. Just being reminded of that it's so important, I still need to be reminded of that.’

We all do, really, and it’s why Honey says both her parents tell her they’re incredibly proud of her work often, because she’s the one actively reminding us that aggressive self-love is a necessity, particularly now. It’s also why her tips for getting back into dating when you’re not feeling body-confident couldn’t be more necessary post-lockdown, and lucky for you we’ve got three of them right here…

Be your own hype-woman

You’ve matched on Bumble and locked in a date for Friday night, but you're already starting to doubt yourself. Remind yourself that you are excited, deserving of this date and confident you will have things to talk about - just look at how many profile badges you have in common! Remember, someone new is looking forward to meeting you, because you have so much to offer.

Dress with confidence

You’ve been chatting all week using Bumble’s video-call feature so you know they’re not a catfish! That’s the first hurdle out of the way. Tomorrow is the big day but you don’t like how you look in any of your outfits. Been there. Remind yourself that your body is beautiful and unique to you. No matter what you wear or how you do your hair, your beauty is yours and clear for all to see.

Remember what will be, will be

Just before the date, remind yourself that you are confident, welcoming and charming. You are also not alone. 55% of people in the UK also struggle with confidence when it comes to dating so seek comfort in knowing that nerves are normal. And remember, even if the date doesn’t work out romantically, it’s no reflection on you - you’re great to spend time with, every experience is a learning experience and will only help you work out exactly what you want from your next potential Bumble match.

Read More:

'I've Been Bombarded With Penis Shots': Emily Atack On Why She's Backing Grazia's Campaign To Make Cyberflashing A Crime

Is It Any Wonder I Have Body Image Issues When I Was Told These Women Were Fat?

Honey Ross Says Her Parents Jonathan Ross and Jane Goldman Put Her On ‘Absolutely Toxic’ Diets