‘You become a “proper adult” to people once you have a baby, which can be great if you want to be taken seriously at work but you also become a “mother” which brings on a whole new set of challenges.’
I’m talking to Lily*, who has two children, about how people’s perceptions of women change after they have kids. In a recent interview with Cosmopolitan UK{
‘From age 21 to 25, before I became a mom, there was a lot of frustration,’ Duff explained. ‘I definitely went through big frustrations of being like, “Why can I not get a shot at being someone else?”… I would get to producer call-back and they’d be like, “She’s so great and she gave us the best reading and blah blah blah, but she’s Hilary Duff…”’
Having a baby at 24 and now 33 with two children, she went on to say that with people’s perceptions of her changing since motherhood, she’s been able to find new opportunities – so much so she’s now comfortable doing the Lizzie Maguire reboot that, she says, she was begged to do for years.
‘I’m at such a different place in my life now, being a mother and a wife – it doesn’t weigh on me anymore,’ she continued. ‘I don’t feel like people only see me that way, but [even] when they do, I feel appreciative of it because she was very impactful on so many people’s lives.’
Duff’s story is of stark contract to Lily, who like many other non-celebrity women has found motherhood to be main thing changing colleagues perceptions of her in a negative way. Working in local government, she saw her reputation go from a hard-working up and comer to someone unreliable with other priorities overnight.
‘My bosses were all old, white men part of a generation where women didn’t go back to work after they had babies, or even got married,’ she says. ‘So all the women with kids in my office were discriminated against. Sometimes it was active, like once I was basically demoted after taking 12 weeks maternity leave and had to get a trade union involved. Another time I was the only manager not put forward for a training opportunity because, in my managers words, “it involves travel and overnight stay so I assumed you’d want to be with your child”’
‘Other times it was more passive,’ Lily continued. ‘I was always being encouraged to go part time or work flexible hours whenever my baby got sick and I had to look after her. Obviously I and my managers knew, in my workplace, that would make it more difficult for me to ever end up in senior roles. All of my experiences after having my first baby told me having a second would stagnate my career for at least a few years.'
Amy*, a journalist who also has two children, has experienced the same implicit bias in recent years. ‘When I got pregnant the first time, I had just started a new job and I was asked by my boss in a joking-not-joking tone whether I was ever going to get pregnant again,’ she says. ‘The implication was essentially “I hope you’re stopping at one child!”.
‘In my experience, when men become fathers they're seen as more responsible or providing for a family so they get promoted or earn more money,’ Amy continues. ‘Whereas for women the opposite is true. They are seen as less reliable, might want to go part-time, have another child, have problems with childcare, want to scuttle away from their desk earlier. Some women may be like this but I'd argue there are a lot more who work extra hard to make up for any shortcomings, plus are better at juggling workloads and getting a lot done in a short amount of time.’
I was told, apparently in jest, that working part time meant I'd never make partner at my law firm.
For Sarah*, a solicitor with one child, the same joking tone has been used to imply she’ll never be promoted to the highest level in her company.
‘I started working part-time after I had my daughter which I was very grateful for,’ she says. ‘But after that I was told, apparently in “jest”, that the partners would never consider making someone who works part time a partner because they “mustn’t be committed enough” to the firm. I’m not applying to be a partner anytime soon but that has stuck in the back of my mind ever since.’
It goes to show then that for the majority of working women with children, specifically 75% according to a 2016 report (with one in 2018 finding 45% have their responsibilities stripped after returning to work), becoming a mother doesn’t have the Duff-effect of reigniting new career dreams. While that’s great for her - and we’re sure being a mother in Hollywood comes with its own sexist discriminations – it’s not the experience of the average woman. We can only hope that with more women like Lily, Amy and Sarah speaking out and speaking up for women, it will be one day.
Read More:
3 In 4 Working Mothers Have Experienced Pregnancy And Maternity Discrimination
Hilary Duff Reveals More Details About The Lizzie McGuire Reboot
Exclusive: 45% Of New Mums Have Responsibilities Stripped After Maternity Leave