This morning, Harry Styles was a trending topic on Google. Rolling Stone profiled the singer ahead of the release of his new films Don't Worry Darling (directed by partner Olivia Wilde) and My Policeman, in which he plays a gay man at a time when it was illegal to be gay. Harry speaks thoughtfully about his new projects, fame and activism. Briefly, he touches on the public obsession with his sexuality, a topic that comes up often with Harry.
Earlier this year, the singer went viral after performing a slew of hits at Radio 1’s Big Weekend in Coventry, from One Direction classics to new singles from his latest album, Harry’s House. The next morning, he announced his partnership with gun safety organisation Everytown, following the devastating Texas school shooting in May, to which he was donating $1million (£790m). At the time though, that's not what was causing Styles to trend - one again, it was all about his sexuality - just as it is now.
According to Google Trends, the top breakout search term for the 28-year-old is ‘Harry Styles coming out’. That’s followed by ‘Has Harry Styles come out?’, ‘Is Harry Styles bisexual?’ and ‘Is Harry Styles gay?’. Of 25 search queries about the star, 15 are about Harry Styles' sexuality and dating life. And it happens every time he’s in the news.
I’ve watched Harry dodge questions about his sexuality ever since his launch to stardom. Every single time he’s asked to clarify or ‘open up’, he gives a variation of the same answer: 'Who cares?' In 2017, he told Bizarre he didn’t feel the need to publicly label himself at all, saying, ‘I don't feel like it's something I've ever felt like I have to explain about myself.’
In 2019, he defended his decision to remain ambiguous publicly when asked if he’s bisexual by The Guardian. ‘It's not like I'm sitting on an answer, and protecting it, and holding it back,’ he said. ‘It's not a case of: I'm not telling you cos I don't want to tell you. It's not: ooh this is mine and it's not yours. It's: who cares? Does that make sense? It's just: who cares… Am I sprinkling in nuggets of sexual ambiguity to try and be more interesting? No.’
And this year in an interview with Better Homes & Gardens, he reiterated his stance on not using labels publicly. ‘I've been really open with it with my friends, but that's my personal experience; it's mine,’ he explained. ‘The whole point of where we should be heading, which is toward accepting everybody and being more open, is that it doesn't matter, and it's about not having to label everything, not having to clarify what boxes you're checking.’
Harry's latest defense comes in the formerly mentioned Rolling Stone profile. When asked about the public discourse around his sexuality, he points out how ridiculous many of the arguments about it are. 'Sometimes people say, "You’ve only publicly been with women," and I don’t think I’ve publicly been with anyone,' Styles says. 'If someone takes a picture of you with someone, it doesn’t mean you’re choosing to have a public relationship or something.'
Later, he hints - as he often does in his music - at a general ambiguity towards gender when it comes to sexual attraction. 'I think everyone, including myself, has your own journey with figuring out sexuality and getting more comfortable with it,' Styles says.
For me, watching the way Harry handles these relentless questions is eerily familiar. If asked, I would label myself bisexual. But for a long time, and still now to some degree, I have felt no overwhelming need to declare my sexuality to anyone. I date everyone, that’s just what it is. Why does it really matter whether people know that or don't when they’re not the one I’m dating?
Like Harry, I have some people in my life that would love to know either way. Don’t get me wrong, it’s come up in conversation naturally enough times that many already do. But from time to time I’ll field subtle questions from family members who aren't quite sure. Maybe they'll make a joke about which way I swing with the intention for me to confirm or deny. And on those occasions I never do. It’s not that I’m ashamed to answer at all, I just find it intriguing that some are so desperate to know, to so awkwardly pry for no reason other than their own curiosity. So, to be honest, it’s quite funny watching the interaction play out when you refuse to answer in the way expected of you.
For someone like Harry, being ambiguous about sexuality means a lot more than for me – but that’s why I can appreciate it so much. In his refusal to declare either way (despite the endless public commentary) he’s carving a path for all of those who either don’t want to answer, or might not be ready to. He often makes sweeping comments that imply gender isn’t important to him (when it comes to dating), he writes songs dubbed ‘bisexual anthems’ due to their sexual references to both men and women – and of course, his personal style blends the masculine and feminine in a way that confuses people in the best way (but shouldn’t, I might add, since gender expression has no bearing on sexuality).
Harry Styles is carving a new path for those of us who don't want to answer or might not be ready to.
He does all of this while still refusing to explicitly declare his sexuality – and for those like me, that reiterates that we needn't bow to pressure to check a certain box if we don’t feel comfortable doing so... or simply don't want to. Because, make no mistake, it is still dangerous to be LGBTQ+ in today’s society. In December last year, homophobic and transphobic hate crimes reached record highs. Of course, Harry experiences a certain level of privilege because he's white, male and famous – but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t fall foul of vile homophobic attacks were he to publicly label himself queer. That’s not to say he’s not defining himself for that reason – but to point out to those that argue he has no reason not to ‘come out’ that avoiding relentless abuse is also a valid reason to remain ambiguous.
Some argue that a man in Harry’s position should declare either way for the greater good of queer people. He would be another LGBTQ+ icon millions of young people could look up to, particularly in a society in which bisexual erasure continues to prevail. He seems to know this himself, telling Rolling Stone that he fears he may be a 'hypocrite' for being closed off about his sex life. But is it really morally acceptable to ask anyone to 'come out' for the good of other people? Harry is already an incredible supporter of the queer community through his shows and music – as well as his own self-expression where he has undoubtedly changed the way we perceive masculinity in regards to sexuality. Must we ask more from him when he clearly wants to set a new precedent, one where sexuality needn’t even come up?
Rather than forcing him to identify, we should be celebrating Harry’s intention to live in a world where your sexuality has no bearing on your value. A world where we can reference our dating lives casually without the gender we choose to date becoming the main conversation – just like straight people can. And ultimately, regardless of what Harry Styles' sexuality means for anyone, no one should face such intense public pressure to define themselves either way – whether you’re asking the question or publicly commenting online, it all amounts to forcing someone to speak of something they clearly don’t want to. Let Harry be ambiguous if that’s where he is in his journey, it’s no one’s business but his own who he chooses to date.