Apparently, Women Aren’t Getting Married Anymore Because Of A Surplus Of Broke Men

Guys, if there’s one thing we must absolutely figure out lest we all spontaneously combust, it’s why women simply REFUSE to get married these days. We know, we know – there are plenty of obvious reasons. It’s an outdated patriarchal concept, it’s weird to sign half your wealth away to some rando you’ll probably divorce in a few years, it’s f*cking EXPENSIVE.

But opinions aside, we must devote money and time and expertise from academics to figure out what’s really going on. There’s just nothing else to solve in the world right now. Luckily for us, that’s exactly what researchers from Cornell University have done.

According to a new study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, the decline in marriage rates (UK weddings hit a record low last year and US marriage figures are declining similarly) is all because the world is out of rich men. Yes, really. The study found that there is a shortage of ‘economically attractive partners for unmarried women to marry’.

The research, led by Daniel T. Lichter, Joseph P. Price and Jeffrey M. Swigert, only studied heterosexual partners and was based on the assumption that all women want to get married – not men, of course, they’re only TRICKED into marriage – but they just can’t find the right guy.

‘Most American women hope to marry,’ lead author Daniel T. Lichter said in a press release, ‘but current shortages of marriageable men – men with a stable job and a good income – make this increasingly difficult, especially in the current gig economy of unstable low-paying service jobs.’

That opening sentence seems like a preposterous assumption to base an entire study on. And it gets better.

‘Marriage is still based on love,’ he continued, ‘but it also is fundamentally an economic transaction. Many young men today have little to bring to the marriage bargain, especially as young women's educational levels on average now exceed their male suitors.’

Honestly, we’re kind of obsessed with this study. Because, if you take away all of the sexist assumptions and patronising findings, there is one beacon of hope. The idea that men are useless if we’re not draining them for money .

Because let’s be honest – they’re benefiting from the privilege that affords them better wages, faster promotions and intrinsic respect from everyone they meet. If they’re not bringing some financial benefit to the table after we suffer though the gender pay gap and glass ceiling, what’s the point?! Ladies, it’s time to dig for that gold – for research purposes.

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