Never have I ever read a self-help book. But I think Chris Evans has made me have what they would describe as ‘a breakthrough’.
I’ll tell you what this earth-shattering, life-changing realisation is: Chris Evans does not hold the key to my happiness. And to be clear, we’re talking UK radio DJ Chris Evans. Because if it was US Marvel star Chris Evans, this might not be my realisation.
So far, so obvious, surely? Well, no…
This weekend, Chris was the talk of social media, after he appeared on the front of The Sunday Times Magazine, talking about how he ‘turned his life around’. Which is great. Apart from the bit where he claims that he also knows how 'you can too'.
Because half-way through poring through the article, as much as I rolled my eyes, laughed at the demands along with Twitter and knew I could never hope to do half of the stuff on his list, I realised that some sub-conscious part of me was still combing the piece for some kind of secret key to my own happiness. That I thought something Chris popped on his list could actually make me happy and change my life. Why?
There’s a LOT that he suggests you do, from years of working through self-help books, meeting with gurus and making huge, life-changing decisions. It’s an interesting read and there’s no doubt that Chris – formerly known for his boozy, Playboy, mega-money attitude to life that characterised much of 90s culture – has, for him, right now, found the key to his happiness. His happiness.
As part of his essay, Chris includes a handy list of his ‘habits for a happy life’, which was the main element that started to gather mockery online, for the privilege they indicate.
Chris has not had a phone since January last year – great, but somebody (probably on the payroll?) is telling him what he needs to know. He suggests having ‘at least two holidays permanently booked at all times’ – lovely, if you can afford it. He suggests regular tests for cancer – again, I guess not on the NHS.
He says you should ‘eradicate any other conditions that impact wellbeing (I recently had my varicose veins microwaved and it’s like I have brand new legs – amazing!)’ Well, forgive me for the reality check Chris, but most of us ‘wandering’ around with conditions affecting our wellbeing aren’t doing it for lols, we’re probably on a waiting list.
But still, I read on… because there are simpler things, too. Things you could physically and cheaply do. He includes meditation, strict waking hours (up at 3.30am weekdays), running to and from work on a 10-mile round-trip, eating a dollop of Marmite, drinking alcohol only on Friday and Saturday, drinking beetroot, tomato and cranberry juice (together? Not clear).
Checking myself, I realised I was mentally taking notes… I could try a cranberry juice, I like those. I do want to pick up my running again – probably not to work as that doesn’t fit with nursery drop-off, and if I did it on the way home I’d definitely miss bathtime, but I could get into the gym more. Marmite, I like that – he even says I can have it on sourdough, maybe I could have that in the morning instead of the carb-free start I’d been planning this January.
Wait, WHAT? What was I doing? I suddenly realised I was acting ridiculously. Why on earth did I, an unfit, full-time-working mother-of-a-toddler, who earns what Chris does weekly a year (I’m guessing) think that he had any insight into what would make me happy?
I finally got it! I had to think about what would make_me_happy and try to do that! What a revelation! What a thing to notice! What a… wait, what an absolutely and totally obvious thing to realise.
‘Do what makes you happy’ is literally scrawled across everything you can buy in chintzy giftshops. I reckon I see it on Instagram about nine times a day, especially at this time of year. It’s basically the cornerstone of our self-obsessed selfie society.
It seemed so silly that reading this random Chris Evans article had made that hit home so much for me. Slightly embarrassing, to be honest. At least Chris got his revelations from mind-blowing gurus and visiting higher planes.
But I shouldn’t have felt too bad, because it turned out I wasn't alone. When I came to discuss the piece in the office this morning, we’d all read it. And everyone started to shout out the points from Chris’s list that they’d remembered and thought they might take into their life – from swallowing Marmite, to running more, to his mantra to ‘Give my job all of my attention while I’m at work. Barely think about my job when I’m not at work’.
I felt better knowing we were all at it – sound-of-mind, intelligent women, looking for little hints and tips that could somehow magically unlock the key to happiness. Believing that, genuinely, Marmite was part of it.
Still, when I broke it down, it seemed bizarre. These days we are so open to being individual. We acknowledge that we look different, think different, dress different, have sex different … and yet someone tells us ‘the one way’ to be happy and we jump on it. It’s totally bizarre.
Well, it’s not that bizarre, is it? In fact, there are multi-billion pound self-help industries built upon it. Built upon the idea that at the end of an Amazon Prime delivery, locked inside those pretty pages, something is going to help. Or, of course, at the bottom of a jar of Marmite.
Ironically, of course - and to be fair - a lot of those books will tell you that the place to look is… inside yourself. And in fact Chris himself seems to suggest this.
This is about the things that make you smile, that get you going, that give you peace. Who else but you can know the answer to that?
And I’m sure lots of things about these books are helpful. When you’re in a dark place, sometimes you need someone else to vocalise what you need. And many of us have been lifted and inspired by things we’ve read. It's useful to hear about new ways of thinking, or hints and tips about what can make your life better, from the right people. It's wrong of me to suggest that none of it works or helps.
There’s value in cherry-picking too. A few of the ‘habits’ are useful. Like, there’s no harm in Marmite – it’s good for Vitamin B12. Great.
There are also people you should listen to – I’m not a sleep-specialist, for instance. If a doctor who has been studying sleep has a better idea about whether I should have my phone by my bed, I should probably listen. I in no way think I know much, enough, about anything important.
But this isn’t about hard-based science and facts – it’s about happiness. This is about the things that make you smile, that get you going, that give you peace. Who else but you can know the answer to that? Lists like this are not ‘the key to happiness’. Either as a whole or a part. And they shouldn’t really profess to be.
I'd say they should stick that on a t-shirt, but it's already been done. A lot.
And yes, you think you might know this – but honestly assess yourself. Surely you too have read through a list of self-help, or diet, or sex, or exercise tips, with one half of your brain eye-rolling, the other thinking, ‘Oh right, maybe I give that a go...'
I don’t know why it took an essay by Chris Evans to make me realise, properly, that finding out what makes you and you alone happy and pursuing that makes more sense than looking to someone else. But there we are.. Chris would probably say that, ultimately, his piece helped. But we’ll never know for sure… because he’s not got a phone, has he?
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