‘I’ve had loads of moments in lockdown where I’ve been really overwhelmed by it. The third lockdown announcement was really tough, it’s was just dealing with unknown again. There have been so many times where I’ve felt like I really don't want to talk to anyone, that I just want to shut the world away’
Laura Adlington is sat across from me on Zoom, her signature pink lip framing the beaming smile we loved to watch on the Great British Bake Off last year. Seeing her on TV and virtually now, as joyous and easy-going as ever, you might never guess that she’s struggled with loneliness and anxiety. But, after opening up about her mental health on social media last year, she’s helping many realise that a big smile can hide a lot of worries.
Laura has Generalised Anxiety Disorder, something she was diagnosed with seven years ago, aged 24. In lockdown, she tells me she’s wanted to hide from the world many times, like so many of us, which is exactly why she got behind the Samaritans new 'Brew Monday' campaign hoping to encourage people to reach out to their loved ones for a virtual cup of tea.
‘Brew Monday is about turning Blue Monday, which is supposed to be the saddest day of the year, on its head,’ she explains. ‘We're trying to encourage people to reach out to somebody they care about, whether it’s family, a friend, colleague, anybody, and have a virtual cuppa a meaningful chat.’
That doesn’t just mean a quick catch up, she explains, but actually asking how someone is and listening without judgement or advice. ‘Not just “How are you?” but “No, really, how are you?”’ Laura says. ‘We just want people to get talking and also spread the message of how to listen. It sounds really simple, and a lot of people think they are good listeners, but often we listen to respond and give advice or say “Oh, I know how you feel”. Actually listening is about asking open questions, giving gentle reassurance and not necessarily getting involved or telling them what they should do. Because we don’t really know how someone feels, every single person’s situation is different. We’re all guilty of it and it comes from a place of love, but it’s not always helpful.’
As a listening volunteer with Samaritans for the last few years, Laura is an expert in allowing people to open up without fearing judgement or expecting advice in return. It’s what makes her so suited to this campaign, as well as her own struggles with mental illness that give her a unique insight into what people are really struggling with right now.
When I'm feeling anxious or down, I don't want to talk to people but i've made myself pick up the phone.
‘I, like a lot of people, have struggled this lockdown in particular and missing family,’ she explains. ‘I've had my own struggles with mental health in the past and I know what it's like to feel low and lonely and like you don't really want to be here anymore. When I'm feeling anxious or down, I don't want to talk to people. I resonate with that feeling of not wanting to chat or reach out and feeling a bit isolated. But I've made myself pick up the phone, and it really has helped.
‘There was a day last week when I felt in a funk and I actually ended up calling like eight or nine people in my phonebook and checking in on them to make sure they were okay, but in turn that made me feel a lot better,’ Laura continues. ‘I was able to have a conversation with them about how they were feeling rubbish and missing people too and it’s like the old saying, “A problem shared is a problem halved”. That’s never been more true.’
According to Samaritans, volunteers are telling them that loneliness and isolation has been one of the top concerns for callers since social distancing restrictions began, along with unemployment, mental health, family and finance. But Laura worries many people don’t understand that they can call Samaritans for emotional support, or feel that they don’t deserve to.
‘I think that a lot of people think loneliness is a generational thing,’ says Laura. ‘And while it's very true that a lot of the older population, and particularly those that are living on their own, are struggling, I think that for the younger generation as well, the isolation, loneliness, being away from school or university, is also having a massive impact on our mental health.
‘A lot of people feel like because they haven't got it as hard as somebody else, that their feelings aren't valid. So you kind of go, “You know what, I'm really lucky”. Like I've got like, my husband here and I'm working and I've got friends around me, but I'm still allowed to have down days, we all are. It’s not just a generational thing. A lot of us are struggling with it and it’s okay to talk about it.’
She wants people to realise then that regardless of your situation, whether you have people to lean on or not, Samaritans is always an option. ‘A lot of people think that Samaritans is just there if you're on the verge of suicide,’ Laura explains. ‘And is that not the case. Actually, if you're just having a really bad day or a panic attack, or you're just feeling really low, that's what Samaritans is there for to listen without judgement.’
Of course, that Samaritan’s ethos of listening properly is exactly what they’re encouraging us all to get involved with. Because, just like the listening volunteers there, we all can make a difference in our loved ones lives just by having a virtual brew.
‘It’s more important than ever now that we do reach out to people,’ Laura says. ‘Even your strong friends, the ones that you think are like really bubbly and outgoing, check they’re doing okay and really listen.’
NEED HELP?
Anyone can contact Samaritans free at any time from any phone on 116 123, even a mobile without credit. This number won’t show up on your phone bill. Or you can email jo@samaritans.org or visit Samaritans.org to find the nearest branch, where you can talk to a trained volunteer face to face.
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