Loose Women's Carol McGiffin today made headlines admitting she's had two abortions - one of them aged 38, following a one-night stand.
The age seems to be a key talking point, but Carol isn't alone.
According to figures from the Department of Health & Social Care, a record number of women in England and Wales accessed abortion last year with a bigger spike in women aged 30 to 34 compared to any other aged group (from age 15 – 44). Almost half of those seeking abortion over the age of 30 had had at least one previous termination.
Speaking on Loose Women, McGiffin said: 'I did get pregnant twice and have two terminations. I'm not ashamed of that. Some people might disagree that that's a good idea. But I was 38 when I had the second one.
'It was a very, very simple decision for me to make and very easy. It was a one-night stand, believe it or not, at 38. Yeah, I took a long time to grow up.
'I think my body was saying to me: "You're running out of time, you better get on with this."'
While McGiffin, now 60, has been open about never wanting to have children, for others that's not the case.
‘I’ve had two abortions in the last eight months,’ says Fosca Farace, owner of mental health and wellness brand MoxMilk. ‘I do want children eventually but I’m just not ready for a one yet. I want to travel, I’m starting a business with my partner and also, the world just seems like it’s going to shit right now. We were both like, "it’s not the right time".’
Pro-choice charities say the rise is likely due to trends towards older motherhood, financial concerns and difficulty accessing contraception as well as the recent shift towards smaller families (the average has fallen to 1.89 children per family).
‘The reasons for this increase will be complex but women and their partners, when faced with an unplanned pregnancy, will make decisions based on the circumstances they find themselves in, and financial instability or uncertainty can often play a key role in those choices,’ Clare Murphy, the director of external affairs at the British Pregnancy Advisory Service, told The Guardian.
Finances certainly played a role for the women we spoke to, with Fosca confirming that because she and her partner of two-and-a-half years live in central London, concerns over how they would make ends meet was a ‘major component’ of her decision. But despite the fact that they knew didn’t want a child she says she found the decision harder than when she faced an unplanned pregnancy in her 20s, which also saw her decide to have an abortion.
‘I think that the top three emotions I felt were shame, confusion and guilt,’ she says. ‘With the last one, I felt shame because I’d done it again so recently. I'm going to be 34 in a couple of days so I felt angry at myself that I couldn’t figure this out in a different way.
If my parents would’ve known it would have been horrible.
‘I was also confused because I do want children, but when it actually happened I wasn’t ready,’ Fosca continues. ‘Then guilt because I know how many women my age struggle and go through IVF yet here I am squandering my opportunity. There is a 1000% more pressure to keep on with the pregnancy in your 30s. If my parents had known it would have been horrible, they're just waiting for me to give them a grandchild.’
For Emma*, 41 from Cornwall, having another child on top of the three she and her husband had already would’ve both meant increased financial pressure and increased strain on her family altogether.
‘I had taken the morning-after pill but it didn’t work,’ she says. ‘So we decided really quickly, within about five days, that we weren’t going to have it because it wouldn’t fit with the family. To be honest I probably wanted to keep it but my other half was adamant that it wouldn’t be good for the other kids and we needed to think of them. Rationally, that was probably true but it didn’t feel right to do it.’
Having children already, Emma* fits into another statistic, she is one of 55% of women who had at least one child when deciding to have an abortion. Among over 35’s, 87% of people who had abortions last year were mothers.
And while many may feel completely happy with their choice to terminate, for Emma, she was taken aback by how much of an emotional toll it took on her.
‘I didn’t have any moral objections and I thought that was the right thing to do at the time,’ she says. ‘I had no idea how awful the emotional impact would be. Having already had children and knowing this was the last chance to have one sent me into a complete turmoil.’
Emma was offered counselling after the abortion, but it proved too difficult to access through the NHS and so feeling as awful as she did, she was forced to seek it out privately where she was offered talking therapy and put on anti-depressants.
‘It’s been a year and I still think about it all the time and whenever I get my period I’m brought back to that moment.’ she says.
It’s this emotional impact that makes Emma regret her decision more, given that the reason for doing it was so that she would have more time with her children. Instead, she feels like she has ‘been less present, an emotional wreck and so not a very good mother at all.’
‘It’s a much deeper feeling than regret,’ she explains. ‘When you have your own children and know what they can bring, by doing this you give up a chance to do it again and it feels like a real loss. Often being a parent is one of the most rewarding thing you can do in your life so it just feels like it completely contradicts you beliefs about the world really.
Fosca doesn’t regret her decision, but found that because she's older, and in a happy relationship, her friends had more questions about her decision than they might have done in other circumstances.
‘Because I have all the prerequisites, I have such a good job and my partner and I have such a strong relationship they were like “Oh, but why? You’d be such a great mum?” so they were more shocked than judging,’ she explains. ‘Instead of “Why not have an abortion?” it was more “But why have an abortion?”. The answer was very simple that “I don’t want one”. That’s it.’
'Women who have children are not necessarily more likely to regret their abortion,' says Clare Murphy, director of external affairs at The British Pregnancy Advisory Service (bpas). 'That isn’t the overwhelming sentiment of most women who’ve had an abortion, but often when women already have children they’re making that choice not just for themselves but for the children they already have.
'They’re making it on the basis of their ability to care for the children they already have and the resources they have available for them,’ she continues. 'Because of that, women might find themselves in circumstances where they wish things had been different and they might have been able to carry that pregnancy to term. The best advice we can always give is that you have to think about the circumstances you’re in and the right decision for you and your family in that moment, you can’t foresee the future so you’ve got to make the choice that’s right for you now.’
And for both Fosca and Emma, even though they look back on their abortions with different attitudes now, they both felt there should have been more support offered to them after the fact.
No one even asks if you're scared or worried.
‘I was offered to speak to a counsellor the first time but not the second,’ Fosca continues. ‘No one said “This is a pretty big event you’re going through do you want to talk to someone?” No one even asks “Are you scared or worried?” or “Do you want to talk about options?”. They just assume you’re there with knowledge and you’re going to be strong enough to go through it. I’m fine but I have friends my age who’ve had abortions that could’ve really used that support.’
While Emma was offered counselling in her case, she too feels the mental health implications of her choice as an older woman with children already should’ve flagged the need for more support.
‘There is actually much more of an impact than is being talked about,’ she says. 'That doesn't mean it shouldn't be a choice all women have and I wouldn’t ever judge anyone for making that choice, but we do need to give women more information about the potential mental health impact, especially ones in my position who are older with children already.’
According to Murphy, situations like Emma's are exactly why it's so important that abortion law doesn't restrict women to time-limits when making their decision.
'The overwhelming majority of women feel relief when they have an abortion,' she explains. 'It is important that women who are unsure about their decision really have the space and the time to talk through that choice with a trained counsellor but in our long experience of providing abortion services for women -more than 50 years - it’s really important to us that when a woman makes that decision she’s sure of her choice because all the evidence shows that’s how women best come to terms with it within the context of their own lives.'
'For some women, that decision is something they can come to very quickly and they don’t need or want a long conversation whereas others take more time to come to that and will perhaps talk extensively to friends and family before coming to us and deciding that’s a choice they want to make,' Murphy continued. 'That’s why it’s so important we do give women the time and space to make these decisions so they don’t feel rushed into having to make that choice within a restricted time limit. '
*name has been changed
Marie Stopes and bpas both have abortion helplines. Call Marie Stopes on 0345 300 8090 (24/7) or bpas on 03457 30 40 30 for advice and information.
Read More:
Abortion Pills Can Be Taken From Home During The Coronavirus Outbreak, Says Government