Sarah Brady, a 25-year-old surfer and law student who was previously in a relationship with Jonah Hill, 39, has accused the actor of emotional abuse. Posting what are said to be screenshots of their text conversations during their relationship on Instagram, Jonah can allegedly be seen telling her that his ‘boundaries for romantic partnership’ include her not posting pictures of herself in a bathing suit online, not surfing with men, modelling, or having friendships with ‘women who are in unstable places.’
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Sarah Brady also shared screenshots where Jonah can allegedly be seen telling her which pictures to delete off her Instagram (‘pictures of you in a bathing suit, surfing or not’) and accused their couple’s therapist of instructing her to avoid any interactions with men in the water while surging. ‘No matter his age, I was instructed to stay “I’m going to talk to my boyfriend” and then paddle away,’ Brady said. The therapist is not psychologist Phil Stutz, whom Jonah made a documentary about in October last year as one of his friends and long-time patients. Brady names another therapist, whom she says she and Jonah saw for couples therapy for four months during their relationship.
Jonah Hill has not responded to the allegations, Grazia has reached out for comment. The couple dated for around a year from 2021, and he has since gone on to date 26-year-old Olivia Millar, an online vintage store owner with whom he welcomed a child in June this year.
‘So many people bring him [Jonah] up to my face and I’m tired of being polite,’ Brady said on Instagram when asked why she was going public now, sharing a gif that read ‘your lives matter, your voices matter, your stories matter.’
The developing story has since initiated debate online about what is considered emotional abuse in relationships, and the potential for weaponising language learned in therapy in order to control or emotionally abuse a partner, whether these allegations turn out to be true or not. For example, using the phrase ‘these are my boundaries’ in order to dictate another person’s actions in a relationship may not actually be a boundary, but a means of controlling behaviour.
And yet, many people have come out in support of Jonah online, interpreting the messages as ‘respectful communication of boundaries'. Experts have since gone on record in support of Sarah, with professional counsellor Jeff Guenther making a TikTok perfectly articulating his view on why such an interpretation is harmful.
'It's important that we go over this misuse of therapy language, it can be super problematic as it masks controlling behaviour under a commonly accepted positive concept - in this case "boundaries"- making it harder for the person on the receiving end to challenge it' he said. 'A boundary is a healthy limit a person sets for themselves to protect their wellbeing or integrity... the message Jonah [allegedly] sent to Sarah is not setting boundaries to protect his emotional wellbeing, instead he is dictating what behaviours and friendships Sarah is permitted to have... it demonstrates a lack of respect for Sarah's autonomy and individuality.'
'There has been a lot of misinformation this weekend on what boundaries within a relationship are and what they look like,' Ruth Davison, CEO of Refuge told Grazia. 'I want to be clear that if your partner tells you who you’re allowed to spend time with or how you use your social media, that is not setting a boundary – it’s control, and could be abuse.'
Some have also questioned Brady’s decision to speak out, arguing that it’s not appropriate to share private messages online. But for women who’ve had similar experiences, seeing someone speak out against controlling behaviour in relationships has been cathartic. ‘I have a similar story with a former v public-facing partner,’ one person commented on Brady’s Instagram post. ‘Emotional abuse is crippling; I almost lost my life to it. You have no idea how much your story makes those of us feel seen. Be sure to take time away from the internet. Sending [love].’
Ultimately, just like the intention behind the #MeToo movement, Brady’s decision to go public has made space for others to open up about emotional abuse and highlight the damaging ways it can potentially be disguised in relationships. In turn, the discussion not only ensures better education around what coercive control really is but could help others spot unhealthy behaviours in their own (or others) relationships and encourage them to walk away if possible. It’s a brave, bold move – and it’s one we should be applauding, not condemning.
A healthy relationship shouldn’t mean that what you can and can’t do is dictated to you by your partner. If this is happening to you, Refuge is there for you. You can access free and confidential support from Refuge’s 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247 and digital support via live chat Monday-Friday 3-10pm via www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk.
If you are concerned your devices are unsafe or that you’re experiencing tech abuse, you can visit Refuge’s tech safety website at www.RefugeTechSafety.org.”