Why These Pictures Haunt Meghan Markle And Prince Harry

The Duchess of Sussex has looked back with sadness on this Royal Albert Hall event when she struggled with her mental health. Now, Prince Harry has opened up about the reason Meghan says she decided against taking her own life.

Royal Albert Hall Meghan Markle

by Guy Pewsey |
Updated on

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry are no strangers to having their photo taken or appearing in front of the camera. Only this week, the couple were the picture of happiness as they were filmed announcing and congratulating the first-ever recipients of the Responsible Technology Youth Fund’s grants (with Meghan also embracing the latte trend as they did so).

Giving a sweet nod to their two children, son Archie, four and two-year-old Lilibet, Prince Harry said to one recipient, 'Thank you for doing everything that you do, our kids especially are incredibly grateful.'

However, while the former royals often look all-smiles in pictures, photos often lie. Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, previously revealed how photos from a 2019 event at the Royal Albert Hall haunt her, thanks to the fact that they were taken at a time of emotional turmoil.

Speaking on the incendiary Oprah Winfrey interview in March 2021, Meghan looked back on the event. It was a Cirque du Soleil show called Totem, held at the iconic London venue in January of that year. Meghan was pregnant with baby Archie, and looked amazing in Roland Mouret sequins. But she didn’t feel amazing.

‘One of the things that still haunts me is this photograph that someone had sent me, we had to go to an official event at the Royal Albert Hall’, she recalled. ‘A friend said: “I know that you don't look at pictures, but oh my god, you guys look so great” and sent it to me.’

She zoomed in on the image, and says she saw ‘the truth of what that moment was’: just before leaving for the event, she had told her husband that she ‘didn't want to be alive anymore'. The revelation came alongside a deeper discussion of how her mental health suffered while she lived in the UK, with a senior palace aide allegedly failing to help.

Royal Albert Hall Meghan

Prince Harry spoke to Oprah again for his docuseries The Me You Can't See, and opened up about that night, explaining: 'The thing that stopped her from seeing it through was how unfair it would be on me after everything that had happened to my mum and to now to be put in a position of losing another woman in my life — with a baby inside of her, our baby.

'The scariest thing for her was her clarity of thought. She hadn't "lost it". She wasn't crazy. She wasn't self-medicating, be it through pills or through alcohol. She was absolutely sober. She was completely sane. Yet in the quiet of night, these thoughts woke her up,' he says.

He went on to say, 'I'm somewhat ashamed of the way that I dealt with it. And of course, because of the system that we were in and the responsibilities and the duties that we had, we had a quick cuddle and then we had to get changed to jump in a convoy with a police escort and drive to the Royal Albert Hall for a charity event. Then step out into a wall of cameras and pretend as though everything's okay.

'There wasn't an option to say, "You know what, tonight, we're not going to go," because just imagine the stories that come from that.'

‘Every time those lights went down in that royal box, I was just weeping,’ Meghan explained in March 2021. ‘[Harry] was gripping my hand and it was, “Okay an intermission's coming, the lights are about to come on, everyone's looking at us again”… and you had to just be “on” again. You have no idea what’s going on for someone behind closed doors. You've no idea,’ she said.

‘Even the people that smile the biggest smiles and shine the brightest lights, it seems.’

If you are struggling, call Samaritans on 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org

READ MORE: Have We Somehow Forgotten That Meghan Markle Is Pregnant?


Prince Harry And Meghan Relationship Timeline - Grazia

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July 2016: Meghan And Harry Meet

So when did they first meet? Prince Harry and Meghan Markle were introduced by a mutual friend in July 2016, who was later confirmed to be Violet von Westenholz, a childhood friend of Harry. Meghan said in an interview that before she met the Harry she didn't know much about him 'the only thing that I had asked [our mutual friend] was, 'Well is he nice?'. According to Harry he knew Meghan was The One from 'the very first time we met.' After only two dates Harry asked Meghan to accompany him on a trip to Botswana.

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October - November 2016: Kensington Palace's Statement

In October 2016 the Express became the first newspaper to publish news that Prince Harry had a new girlfriend. However just a month later, Kensington Palace released a statement condemning the 'wave of abuse and harassment' faced by Meghan. The unprecedented statement, which referred to Meghan as Harry's girlfriend for the first time, emphasised that Prince Harry was 'worried about Ms. Markle's safety and is deeply disappointed that he has not been able to protect her.' It continued: 'It is not right that a few months into a relationship with him that Ms. Markle should be subjected to such a storm.' The palace were also forced to address speculation that Prince William was unhappy with Harry for confirming the relationship too soon, stating 'The Duke of Cambridge absolutely understands the situation concerning privacy and supports the need for Prince Harry to support those closest to him.'

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December - February 2017: Things Get More Serious

Early in December 2017 Meghan was confirmed as the most Googled actress of 2016. In the same month, the couple were photographed together for the first time in London, shopping for a Christmas tree at the Pines and Needles store and attending a performance of The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time. By January 2017 a source told US Weekly that Harry had introduced Meghan to Kate and Prince William and that the 'meeting went well'. Meanwhile a source told The Sun that Meghan had 'virtually moved in' with Prince Harry to his cottage on the Kensington Palace estate.

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March - May 2017: Meghan Attends Weddings With Harry

By March 2017 things were openly getting pretty serious between the two: Meghan accompanied Harry to Jamaica for a wedding for the first time (his friend's Tom 'Skippy' Inskip to Lara Hughes-Young). In April 2017 Meghan announced that she was closing down her lifestyle blog The Tig writing 'What began as a passion project (my little engine that could) evolved into an amazing community of inspiration, support, fun and frivolity. You've made my days brighter and filled this experience with so much joy.' In May 2017, Meghan and Harry attended their first public event together at the Polo in Coworth Park (where they also engaged in some PDA). Later in May 2017, Prince Harry was seen driving Meghan to the reception of Pippa Middleton and James Matthew's wedding.

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September 2017: The First Official Public Appearance

Welcome to Meghan the style Icon: at the opening of Prince Harry's Invictus Games in September 2017, Meghan wore a maroon midi dress with a pleated chiffon skirt by one of her favourite Canadian brands, Aritzia, with a burgundy biker jacket by Mackage. The next day the couple were photographed sitting together at the wheelchair tennis and 'broke with royal protocol' by holding hands and kissing at the closing ceremony. In September 2017 in an interview with Vanity Fair, Meghan stated: 'We're a couple. We're in love. I'm sure there will be a time when we will have to come forward and present ourselves and have stories to tell, but I hope what people understand is that this is our time.'

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September-November 2017: Meghan Leaves Behind Rachel Zane

Late 2017 we saw the end of everyone's favourite legal powerhouse Rachel Zane (sob). In November 2017, shortly after Meghan met the Queen, the actress was reported to be leaving her role in Suits after seven seasons.

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November 2017: The Engagement

After months of speculation, Prince Charles announced the engagement of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle after 15 months of dating On 27 November 2017 . The engagement ring, said to be designed by Harry, is made of two stones that belonged to Princess Diana. The couple later appeared at a photocall, with Markle wearing a white dress coat by Canadian brand Line The Label (whose website subsequently crashed). When asked by waiting photographers if the proposal was romantic, Harry joked 'of course!' Speaking about his late mother, Princess Diana, Harry said 'I think they'd be thick as thieves. She would be over the moon, jumping up and down, so excited for me... It's days like today when I really miss having her around and miss being able to share the happy news. With the ring, I'm sure she's with us, jumping up and down somewhere else.' it was announced that the wedding would take place on 19 May 2018.

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December 2017: The Fab Four

In December 2017 Meghan, Harry, Kate and William were photographed together attending the Christmas service at Sandringham. Pictures of the two couples earned them the title 'The Fab Four'. Meanwhile in the following months Meghan earned a reputation for breaking royal protocol on official visits by hugging fans of the couple and kissing them on the cheek.

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February 2018: Kate And Meghan Appear In Public Together

In February 2018, Kate Middleton and Meghan Markle had their first royal engagement together for the Royal Foundation Forum with Prince Harry and Prince William. Harry stated of the two couples: 'We have different opinions and they work really well [together]. Working as family does have its challenges; of course it does. The fact that everybody is laughing shows they know exactly what's it like… But we are stuck together for the rest of our lives.'

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May 2018: The Lead Up To The Wedding

In the lead-up to the wedding it was confirmed 2,640 people would be invited to the grounds of Windsor Palace to watch the royal wedding. Photos of Meghan and Harry's wedding invitations were released, bearing Harry's legal name 'Henry'. Meghan and Harry made a number of public appearances together including to the Invictus game tryouts in April 2018 and the Queen's birthday celebrations at the Royal Albert Hall. Meghan's final episode of Suits also aired, marking the official end of her acting career.

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May 2018: Meghan's Family Drama Begins

On 14 May 2018. days before the wedding, Meghan's father, Thomas Markle Snr, who had been confirmed to walk Meghan down the aisle pulled out of the wedding, following an embarrassing incident in which he staged paid paparazzi photos. Thomas Markle later suffered a heart attack, and his son Thomas Markle Jr. penned an unflattering open letter to Harry criticising Meghan and encouraging him to pull out of the wedding. The day before the wedding, Kensington Palace announced Prince Charles would walk Meghan down the aisle, stating 'The Prince of Wales is pleased to be able to welcome Ms. Markle to The Royal Family in this way.'

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May 2018: The Royal Wedding

Meghan and Harry wed on the 19 May 2018 for a combined audience of 11.5 million people who tuned in to watch the ceremony. Meghan's gown was made by Clare Waight Keller, artistic director of the fashion house Givenchy which she later changed for a silk crepe dress by Stella McCartney. Her mother Doria Ragland attended the ceremony along with a host of celebrities including Meghan's former Suits cast and her close friends, George and Amal Clooney.

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May - October 2018: Married Life

Throughout May 2018 Harry and Meghan made their first official appearances as the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. For her inaugural attendance to the Trooping of the Colour Meghan wore an off-the-shoulder dress, reportedly breaking royal protocal. In the following months the newlyweds made a number of public appearances including to Ireland to meet the country's officials. They also took a rumoured trip to visit George and Amal Clooney in Lake Como.

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October 2018: The Royal Baby Announcement

Speculation began during Princess Eugenie's wedding that Meghan was pregnant owing to her loose coat. The rumours were confirmed when Kensington Palace announced on the 15 October 2018 that the Duke and Duchess of Sussex were expecting a child. The announcement also coincided with the first day of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex's official tour.

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October 2018: Meghan And Harry's First Royal Tour

In October 2018 Meghan and Harry departed for their 16-day Autumn royal tour visiting Australia, Tonga, Fiji and New Zealand (obviously featuring some serious style moments from the newly-appointed Duchess of Style). By November 2018, sources were telling news outlets that the couple were preparing to move to Frogmore Cottage in Windsor in 2019. The couple spent the anniversary of their engagement apart, due to Harry being in Zambia.

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November 2018 - Present: Feud Rumours

As Meghan and Harry embarked on life as newlyweds there was less plainsailing, as controversy continued to follow closely on their heels. Meghan's family have continued to be the subject of unflattering media headlines and Thomas Markle gave interviews to the media about his distanced relationship with his daughter. Meanwhile Samantha Markle (Meghan's half sister) was put on a 'fixated persons' list after showing up at Kensington Palace. Rumours of a froideur between Meghan and Kate were sparked shortly after Meghan and Harry's nuptials by reports that Meghan reduced Kate 'to tears' during challenging bridesmaid dress fittings with Princess Charlotte. In February 2019, Thomas Markle leaked a handwritten letter from Meghan to the media in response to friends of the Duchess defending her in an interview. Following numerous staff changes, rumours arise that Meghan and Harry's staff refer to Meghan by the nickname 'The difficult Duchess'.

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March 2019: The Royal Household's Split

In March 2019 it was confirmed that the Sussex and Cambridge 'royal households' would split, meaning the couples would no longer share staff. Royal spokespersons confirmed that Kate and William's staff team would stay in Kensington Palace while Meghan and Harry's staff would be based in Buckingham Palace, reflecting the location of their new residence of Frogmore Cottage in Windsor. Representatives were quick to confirm this it was a planned move, and not due to rumours of growing tensions between the couples.

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May 2019: The Baby Is Here!

Meghan Markle gave birth to Prince Archie on 6 May 2019, he weighed 7lbs 3oz. On the 8 May the new parents did a photocall at Windsor Castle, showing their newborn off to the world.

October 2019: The Duke and Duchess take legal action against the Mail on Sunday.19 of 25

October 2019: The Duke and Duchess take legal action against the Mail on Sunday.

Prince Harry released a powerful statement condemning the treatment of his wife and explaining why she was taking legal action against The Mail on Sunday. It read: 'As a couple, we believe in media freedom and objective, truthful reporting. We regard it as a cornerstone of democracy and in the current state of the world – on every level – we have never needed responsible media more.'

March 2020: The Duke and Duchess attend The Endeavour Awards in London20 of 25

March 2020: The Duke and Duchess attend The Endeavour Awards in London

In March 2020, Meghan and Harry completed their last official royal duties, having made the decision to step away from royal life.

May 2020: Meghan reads to Archie on his first birthday21 of 25
CREDIT: Instagram

May 2020: Meghan reads to Archie on his first birthday

To mark Archie's first birthday, Meghan read Duck! Rabbit! in a video to help Save The Children's Save With Stories initiative. In the clip, Meghan laughs as Archie throws another book to the floor, as his attention wanders. Harry is also heard cheering at the end of the story, and Archie responds by saying, 'Da, da, da.'

2020-2021: Life in Lockdown22 of 25
CREDIT: Instagram

2020-2021: Life in Lockdown

Harry and Meghan remained out of the limelight for much of 2020 and early 2021, with lockdown keeping them at home in their California mansion. They did, however, participate in many Zoom calls with charities and foundations. The privacy that lockdown enabled them also meant that they could grieve in relative piece after Meghan experienced a miscarriage, and could keep the happy news of their forthcoming new arrival secret for as long as they liked.

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March 2021: Oprah

After Prince Harry had a jovial interview with James Corden, Meghan met with Oprah Winfrey for an in-depth chat. Harry, of course, popped in to say hello. The interview proved controversial, sparking thousands of headlines and think pieces.

June 2021: Baby Lilibet24 of 25
CREDIT: alexilubomirski/Instagram

June 2021: Baby Lilibet

On 4 June 2021, Harry and Meghan welcome Lilibet Diana to their family, her name honouring the Queen, who was nicknamed Lilibet as a child.

April 2022: The Invictus Games25 of 25

April 2022: The Invictus Games

After taking time to be with their new baby, in April 2022, the couple travelled to the Netherlands for The Invictus Games, the international sporting event for wounded, injured and sick servicemen and women - and a passion project of Prince Harry's.

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