Megan Barton-Hanson has opened up about dealing with depression, saying that she asked her mum for permission to kill herself just six months before her life changed forever when she appeared on Love Island.
Talking to musician Hussain Manawer for the MailOnline, she opened up about the pain families go through when someone is experiencing suicidal thoughts, and how she thought the fame and financial benefits of Love Island would make her feel better. Stating that it was the experience of the show itself that actually helped her, being stripped back without phones, social media and only limited alcohol, she says being on Love Island helped her fill a void.
'I have struggled with this on and off throughout my life. Depression,' she said, 'I remember even this year in January I was on the sofa with my mum asking her permission. Asking "can I kill myself?" And there was nothing she could do. She told me to call 111. It’s the worst thing watching someone you love suffer. And you can't help someone who doesn’t want to be helped, they can't see the light.'
With a family history of suicide, both her great uncle and father’s cousin killed themselves, she says more people need to open up about it. ‘I think it needs to be spoken about. I have been in that situation of, like, helplessness, when my mum and my nana said "what can I do for you?" And if more people were open about it, there would be more hope.'
Megan has previously explained that her coping mechanisms were partying, shopping and putting on a front for social media, but said in an Instagram post on World Mental Health Day that the distraction never lasted longer than five minutes and then ‘negative thoughts and emotions would return’. Turning to therapy, Megan was then offered a spot on Love Island, and believed the fame and money would bring her happiness. However, it wasn’t the attention that helped her, but being in the villa, which she describes as being ‘like a rehab retreat’, forcing her to strip everything back and ‘see what was most important’ in life.
'When I went onto Love Island I thought there was no way I was going to come out with a boyfriend. I thought they were all fame hungry people. I thought I will get a bit more money because my Instagram was struggling and my glamour modelling days were going downhill,' she admitted.
However, it’s her ability to use her platform to help others that has made her ‘heart feel full’ and given her a passion for something, as well as the escape the villa provided for her.
‘Only since being on Love Island have I been able to fill that [happiness] void. In there, there was no social media, no money, no outside influences. You're just with people. They feel love for you and your character. You're so stripped back. You're limited on alcohol, there are no phones, no distractions, that really did help me I think.'
Now, she says she limits her time on social media, not using her phone for the first hour of the day or after she’s gotten into bed. Of course, she is also using her platform to promote mental health awareness, stating that she gets DMs all the time from women asking her for help.
If you're experiencing suicidal thoughts call Samaritans on 116 123 or visit their website here____.