Bad Man Bingo: The Love Island Boys’ Interviews Decoded

The best day of the year so far has arrived: the Love Island contestant interviews are out and rest assured, they are gold. Filled with clichés, alarm bells and red flags – if these interviews are anything to go by, Winter Love Island is set to be as predictable, and gripping, as ever.

With that in mind, we decided to sift through each of the interviews one by one and decode their loaded language. You know, those throwaway terms like ‘wandering eye’ that the Love Island guys love to use to excuse themselves of terrible behaviour? Yes, those.

This year, we will be treated to words of wisdom from Mike Boateng, 24 from London, Connor Durman, 25 from Brighton, Callum Jones, 23 from Manchester, Nas Majeed, 23 from London and Ollie Williams, 23, from Cornwall.

So settle in and get your docket out for some bad man bingo. Here are the Love Island boys' own words decoded for your entertainment…

‘I’m quite old-school’ – Mike

Mike wasn’t the only lad on the list who liked to call themselves old-school or ‘traditional’, which we can loosely translate as: ‘This new world where women don’t do what their told doesn’t serve me, a man, well and I expect you to mother me as my actual mother did.’

To be fair to Mike though, in context he’s referring to his ideal first date being ‘nice dinner and good conversation’. Although, is that old school? It seems as if Mike is implying he’s some sort of traditional gentleman for actually wanting to eat with a woman. Should we be impressed his ideal first date isn’t inviting her round for a shag under the guise of watching Netflix?

‘Bro Code is putting your mates before a girl and prioritising your pal’ - Ollie

File this alongside Connor’s ‘she’s got to fit in with my mates’ comment for the following translation: 'I have more respect for men than women and I’m wholly insecure. As such, I will demonstrate various unhealthy behaviours just to prove to my mates that I am secure, and you – the woman – will likely take the brunt of those behaviours.'

‘I’m not afraid to step on some toes’ - Mike

We have to give you the full quote for this one, it’s so Love Island it hurts. ‘I’m going into the villa to find love. If that means stepping on a few toes, burning a few bridges and finding the love of my life, I’m willing to do it.’

Translation? 'I have no respect for my friends' boundaries or relationships and I will absolutely shag my best mate's girlfriend if she has even one quality I find attractive in a woman. Okay, bit strong… and in the context of Love Island maybe Mike is actually quite progressive? After all, he’s not assuming men own women or here for territorial bullshit. We’ll file this under ‘good for Love Island, bad for real life'.

‘Whatever you say to your boys, they need to keep that to themselves’ - Connor

Translation: 'I will absolutely tell my friends things you’re not comfortable with and thus not respect your boundaries. I'll probably then deny it to your face even if my friends tell you what I say or you hear it with your own ears. Gaslighting is an art.'

‘I will always put all my cards on the table and then it’s for the girl to decide’ - Nas

Translation: 'As long as I’m honest, I can get away with anything. I expect you to process everything I’ve said instantly and decide how you feel on the spot, all through the guise of honesty. I could just as easily tell you I fancy your mate as tell you I want to marry you, but either way I’ve been honest and so have the moral high ground no matter what position I’m putting you in.'

‘I’m an alpha male’ - Ollie

Translation: 'I am desperately insecure and need constant attention, but I care more for men’s approval than that of lowly women so you will never satisfy my thirst to be seen as top lad by the boys. Because of this, I won’t compromise on arguments and I’ll likely cheat on you just to prove I can.'

‘I can have a bit of a wandering eye’ - Mike

Translation: 'I will cheat on you and then pretend it’s a physiological response I can’t control. I’ll also say things like "My head's been turned’ as if I have involuntarily pursued someone else.'

‘I’m upfront and let people know what I think of them’ - Ollie

Translation: 'I’m rude and offer my thoughts where they’re not necessary or informed because I grew up so privileged and entitled that I never realised no one cares about my opinion.'

‘I always fancy girls with dark hair, tanned skin, red lipstick and white nail polish’ - Callum

Okay, this may not be a Love Island cliché, but these words actually came out of a man’s mouth. Callum exists in the world’s smallest dating pool and also says things like ‘New year, new me’. So not only is he a basic bitch, he’s also the type of guy that expects you to be done up 24/7 and probably gives advice like: ‘Make sure you take her swimming on the first date!!’. Seriously though, a nail varnish requirement? What’s next, a preferred length of eyelash extension?

‘My worst habit is that I’m a perfectionist’ - Ollie

As you can see, Ollie treats every day like it’s a job interview. But when he says he’s a perfectionist and ‘if something needs to be done, it has to be done my way, the right way’ what he’s really saying is he will never compromise with you on anything and will cause an argument over making a cup of tea if he’s feeling insecure.

‘I have piercing eyes that look into your soul’ - Mike

Translation: 'I’m that creep that stares across the room and refuses to break eye-contact despite my date being visibly uncomfortable.'

‘You’re not going to pick up a book unless you like the cover are you?’ - Ollie

Admittedly, this isn’t a Love Island cliché at all either but we had to include it. Coming out with lines like this, Ollie has to be a parody or a spy or some sort of evil genius smuggled in by the producers - because we just can’t believe words like this come out of people's mouths.

Read More: Meet the new Love Island contestants...