Jennifer Lopez has given her first sit down interview since she announced she was divorcing Ben Affleck after two years of marriage.
Theirs was not a lowkey relationship, in part due to excessive media attention, and in part due to the fact they had two weddings and Lopez made a documentary called The Greatest Love Story Never Told inspired by their relationship. As such, for the past year, both Affleck and Lopez have had to endure endless speculation about the state of their marriage.
While they tried to keep as many details as private as possible, once their $60 million Beverly Hills mansion went on the market, they were rarely seen together in public and Affleck moved to Pacific Palisades, it seemed like there was no going back.
Lopez filed for divorce on 20 August, citing irreconcilable differences and 26 April as the date of their formal separation. 20 August also would have been the couple's second wedding anniversary.
Now, she has sat down with Interview magazine to lift the lid (ever so slightly) on what went wrong.
Lopez revealed that she's been through 'a lot of things that nobody knows about'. Supposedly alluding to her divorce, she continued, 'There's something to be said for that because things can really change your life in a way that you do want to give up and say, "Fuck this, this is too hard, I don't want to do this anymore",' before adding that she refuses not to give 'that little girl that grew up in the Bronx' what she deserves.
It's clear that Lopez is at a stage of her life where she is channeling self-love and acceptance. She said, 'I didn’t do that for so many years. And now I think, with everything that’s happened in my life and in my relationships and even in my career, it’s like, give yourself a bit of comfort and love.'
Speaking about the difficult year she's had in the wake of her marriage breaking down, Lopez referenced the fact that she and Affleck have been through this once before. The couple famously dated between 2002 and 2004 and were briefly engaged. It wasn't until 2021 that they rekindled to give things another go. This time she says she better understands where things went wrong.
'I understand that now in a much deeper way, which doesn’t mean that I won’t make mistakes in the future, but again, when your whole house blows up, you’re standing there in the rubble going, “How do I not ever let that happen again?” And then you start examining it little by little saying, “Okay, I did this, this was my part in it, this was what I should have seen early on, this is what I didn’t look at.” Those things are what really are the lessons,' the actress and singer added.
'It feels lonely, unfamiliar, scary. It feels sad. It feels desperate. But when you sit in those feelings and go, “These things are not going to kill me,” it’s like actually, I am capable of joy and happiness all by myself,' she continued. 'Being in a relationship doesn’t define me. I can’t be looking for happiness in other people. I have to have happiness within myself. I used to say I’m a happy person, but was still looking for something for somebody else to fill, and it’s just like, “No, I’m actually good.”'
It's possible that Lopez is implying that there were parts of her that Affleck did not understand. She said, 'Somebody who truly loves you will help you heal those parts of yourself. That’s what I’ve learned about love, that it is a secure thing. You make me feel safe, and when I fall short of the glory, you understand me and you help me to grow to be better, because you have your boundaries and I have my boundaries. And I go, “Here’s where you’re falling short for me and here’s where I’m falling short for you.” And so, we get better at those things together.'
In the past, Affleck has spoken openly about how much he struggled with the amount of attention Lopez received on a daily basis. The couple were continuously photographed on the street and almost every time they went to an event their body language was dissected by millions of strangers on the internet.
From the interview, it sounds as though Lopez has reached a place where she is finally content with being on her own, knowing that the relationship did not work. 'For people who are romantics and love being in relationships and want to grow old with somebody, we think, “I have to have that to be whole and happy.” And you don’t,' she offers, before joking that it's only taken '30 years' for her to realise that.
As for the relationship itself, she has no regrets. 'Not one second. That doesn’t mean it didn’t almost take me out for good. It almost did. But now, on the other side of it, I think to myself, “Fuck, that is exactly what I needed. Thank you, God. I’m sorry it took me so long. I’m sorry that you had to do this to me so many times. I should have learned it two or three times ago.'
She continued, 'You had to hit me really hard over the head with a fucking sledgehammer. You dropped the house on me. Don’t have to do it again.'
At peace on her own, Lopez confirmed that she is not actively looking to meet anyone else. Despite what various rumours might suggest (she was pictured holding Affleck's best friend Matt Damon's hands at the premiere of their film, Unstoppable, in September and social media went into overdrive.
'I’m not looking for anybody, because everything that I’ve done over the past 25, 30 years, being in these different challenging situations, what can I fucking do when it’s just me flying on my own.'
Nikki Peach is a writer at Grazia UK, working across pop culture, TV and news. She has also written for the i, i-D and the New Statesman Media Group and covers all things TV for Grazia (treating high and lowbrow shows with equal respect).