The trial of the century, Rebekah Vardy vs Coleen Rooney — Wagatha Christie to you and I — is careening towards a conclusion. Haven’t we had fun? From Aircasts to Z-list celebrities, it has been a trip.
London’s packed High Court now knows more about the contents of Peter Andre’s underpants than perhaps it would like to (chipolata vs Sky remote? Let’s leave that one to the judge). We have learnt why Rebekah thinks that arguing with Coleen is like arguing with a pigeon: ‘You can tell it that you are right and it is wrong, but it's still going to s*** in your hair.'
Nevertheless, Irish bookies, Paddy Power make Rebekah Vardy odds on to lose.
Paddy Power rate Vardy’s chances of defeat as short as 1/2, while she’s 6/4 to get one over on her old pal Coleen.
Following questionable explanations for disappearing phones, Vardy’s agent’s device is priced at 500/1 at the bottom of Davy Jones’ locker – that’s not a lower league winger, Rebekah…
It’s 1000/1 to be found in the Bermuda Triangle – still better odds than Leicester’s 2015/16 title win…
And, with more entertainment value than a Wayne Rooney bicycle kick, the trial is tipped to be made into a movie. EastEnders’ Jessie Wallace (aka Kat Slater) the favourite to play Vardy (6/4), while Mrs Rooney is most likely to be portrayed by Charlie Brooks (2/1)
The husbands to the feuding WAGs – Jamie Vardy and Wayne Rooney – are set to be played by Jamie Borthwick (6/5) and Steve McFadden (6/4) respectively.
Meanwhile, after his reported ex, Rebekah, likened his manhood to a chipolata, Peter Andre may consider a deal to become the new face of the Greggs sausage role (66/1).
A spokesman for Paddy Power said: ‘The Wagatha Christie trial is definitely more entertaining than watching Wayne’s old club, Man United. And, as we approach the judge’s decision, Rebekah’s chances of winning aren’t looking too healthy. So, I guess this time, Jamie Vardy won’t be having a party.
‘Let’s face it, reputationally, Peter Andre, and his, eh, bits, are the only real winners to emerge from this court case, so we’ve put him at odds of 66/1 to become the new face of Greggs sausages. But, we figure he’s more likely to front vegan friendly brand ‘THIS’, given his innate dislike for porkies.’