Fleabag and The Hot Priest, oh where do we begin... The greatest, most (probably) doomed romance to grace the small screen, possibly ever. In Fleabag, Phoebe Waller-Bridge and Andrew Scott are indescribably brilliant - so right, yet so utterly, utterly wrong for each other. I could literally write a book on how much I love them, but sadly, today I do not have the time as I have made the sacrifice of rewatching every single scene that features Fleabag and The Hot Priest - so you don't have to! - and, well, I'm not going to spoil the finale for you if you haven't watched it, but THERE ARE TEARS IN MY EYES. Tears that will probably stay with me forever.
Major spoiler alerts, obviously... But then again, if you haven't yet watched the entirety of Fleabag season two - especially in lockdown - then what the hell are you doing? I'm not even mad, just disappointed. (You can watch it here on Amazon Prime, btw.)
So: see below for Fleabag and The Hot Priest's most hilarious/heartbreaking/sweet/sexy moments.
All The Best Moments Between Fleabag And The Hot Priest
Where it all began... Fleabag and her sister agreeing that The Hot Priest is in fact hot after the first time they meet him.
'So you're a cool priest now then?'
THP then inviting over Fleabag for a cup of tea, only then to crack out the M&S canned G&T. (The store has since said sales have gone up by 24%)
The first sign they were meant to be... 'I haven't been asked a question in 45 minutes' cue The Hot Priest asking, 'So, what do you do?' before she can even finish her sentence.
Absolute power move, flirting with The Hot Priest after going to church literally just to see him.
The painting falling down when she says she doesn't believe in God. Cue THP shouting, 'I love it when he does that!'
THP: 'You were in my prayers last night.'Fleabag: 'Likewise.'
The look of realisation when she utters: 'Oh God, I fancy a priest'
THE INVESTIGATION AS TO WHETHER PRIESTS CAN HAVE SEX BEGINS.
Fiona Shaw making a guest apperance from Killing Eve as Fleabag's therapist.'Do you really want to fuck the priest, or do you want to fuck God?' 'Can you fuck God?''Oh yes.'(She correctly predicts what is going to happen too, all powers to Fiona Shaw.)
Fleabag: 'Don't say it, don't say it. She actually orgasmed when she finished it. I just said it, appaently.'The Hot Priest: 'Whatever gets you there.'
'Arm touch, oooh.'
'I can't believe I'm asking this, but can I get that coconut back? They're actually on hire. I'm not sure if all of them are real, which is morally a bit dubious actually.' (The disappointment on her face that he hasn't asked for something else is v sad.)
The Hot Priest being scared of foxes.
WHEN HE BREAKS THE FIFTH WALL AND NOTICES FLEABAG TALKING TO THE AUDIENCE. ALL THE PROOF THAT THEY ARE MEANT TO BE. Also excruciatingly awkward.
Fleabag helping The Hot Priest choose his robes. Couple goals.
The Hot Priest laughing to himself after Fleabag gets up to say 'I sometimes worry I wouldn't be much of a feminist if I had bigger tits.'
'And then, for some reason, I was thinking about your tits which kind of ruined it.'
'I think you played with my guinea pig quite enough.'
'I can't read a Winnie The Pooh quote without crying. Fuck.'
'Sometimes, I worry I'm only in it for the outfits.'
That confession scene.
When the sexual tension is finally broken, only for Fleabag to freak out whether he is wearing a skirt AND trousers.
Olivia Colman eloquently shrieking that The Hot Priest a cunt (as soon as he leaves, obviously) when he says he can't officiate their weddding.
'Please don't come to the church, I mean that with the greatest of compliments.'
'I can't have sex with you because I'll fall in love with, and while I won't burst into flames, my life will be fucked.'
'We're going to have sex, aren't we? Mm, yeah'
The inevitable happens, obviously. Oh God.
'I just... can't believe you did that.'
casually undercover snogging at the wedding
'You have lipstick all over your face!' 'Oh, fucking hell.'
THP: 'I don't know what this feeling is'Fleabag: 'Is it God, or is it me?'UGH.
Awkwardly pretending they don't know each other - let alone have had sex, you guys! - at the wedding. V awks for all involved!
Literally annoucing to everyone, 'Whew. Fuck me, sorry, I didn't get much sleep last night.'
'It's God, isn't it?'MY. HEART. CAN'T. GO. ON. </3
'The worst thing is that I fucking love you. I love you. No, let's just leave that out there for a second on its own.'
'It'll pass.'Not a best moment (probably the worst moment of my life) but there we go, it has to be included on the list.
'See you Sunday? I'm joking, you are never, ever allowed in my church again.'
'I love you too.'Help, the tears. They won't stop falling from my eyes.
'He went that way.'