Dear Sophie: ‘A Mutual Friend Is Sending My Partner Flirty Messages – Should I Be Worried?’

A mutual friend of me and my partner won’t stop sending him flirty messages - should I be worried?

Disclaimer: I’m not a trained relationship expert - so please, take any advice with a pinch of salt.

Erm, hello - yes, sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you really should be worried.

If she knows you both, I think it’s really dodgy if - by the sounds of it - she’s only sending him messages.

In my opinion, you can’t survive anything without your girlfriends. Like Carrie Bradshaw{ =nofollow}, I actually value my relationship with girlfriends a lot more than past relationships. They always say they teach you lessons that no one else can. But other women can also be your worst enemy.

Women can be a lot more calculating than men, and she probably knows it’s going to cause issues between the both of you - because she knows exactly how it’s going to make you feel.

If she’s sending your partner flirty messages, it means that she’s no friend of yours - I’ll never understand people who want to dip their Frankfurters in another person’s mustard.

(It reminds me of when I was dating an ex, and while I never had anything to worry about with him, there would be a friend we’d see about three times a year who’d always end up getting sloshed and sitting on his lap. It goes without saying that this drove me absolutely wild.)

Ultimately, it’s up to you to sort this out with your partner.

And as tempting as it might be, I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction by confronting her about it, as this is what she’ll want. Also, it would be difficult for you to speak to her, as I presume you don’t speak snake.

This means you need to talk to your partner, take him to the side, and explain that it is making you highly uncomfortable. The issue isn’t that you’re jealous; it’s just that you’re setting boundaries. Explain what makes you comfortable, and what doesn’t.

If he's aligned with what you explain, then great. If he isn't, try again to make it understandable for him. But if he really doesn't fucking get it, then you actually have bigger issues at hand, because you're not on the same page for what is - and what isn't - appropriate in a relationship.

I hope your partner understands where you’re coming from – but if he doesn’t, it might end up being a blessing in disguise.

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