A cursory glance over my DMs is likely to throw up absolutely nothing incriminating whatsoever. That’s because I’ve developed a wonderful habit of deleting message threads so I can’t ruminate on how devastatingly embarrassing they are and, if I’ve sent them after a few wines (which, let’s be honest, is normally the case) I can literally erase the memory of their existence.
So imagine how it feels for Adam Levine to have his teenage boy-esque DM’s to Instagram model Sumner Stroh plastered all over the press (not that there’s any sympathy this end, to be clear). Not only has he fallen from grace by allegedly cheating on his wife, Victoria’s Secret model Behati Prinsloo, but he’s also been exposed as just another salivating man, incapable of coherent communication when presented with a woman he likes the look of. And, because he’s Adam Levine, frontman of a successful pop group and genetically blessed, he doesn’t have to be.
The private messages (at least, the flirty ones) of any average Joe or Jane are more often than not a cesspit of cringe, but somehow, the DMs of celebrity men are so much worse. And yet again, after the initial scandal, the internet has turned its collective mind to making memes out of the DMs.
It was just last month that disgraced footballer Ryan Giggs had DMs to Kate Greville, exposed in court during a domestic violence trial, and we’re still reeling. Among the badly constructed love poetry was an acrostic love note and the adage, ‘I'm gonna end by saying you are my love, my friend, my soul, and most of all you believe in me which makes me as hard as a totem pole.'
Adam’s messages, though less lyrical (which seems like a missed opportunity given his job as a lyricist) followed a similarly cringey trajectory, excitedly proclaiming, ‘It’s unreal how f**king hot you are. Like it blows my mind…You are 50 times hotter in person.’ That message in particular has left Twitter users gleefully meme-ing away.
For his part, Adam responded to the allegations on instagram, saying (in slightly better constructed sentences): "A lot is being said about me right now and I want to clear the air. I used poor judgment in speaking with anyone other than my wife in ANY kind of flirtatious manner. I did not have an affair; nevertheless, I crossed the line during a regrettable period in my life.
"In certain instances it became inappropriate. My wife and my family is all I care about in this world. To be this naive and stupid enough to risk the only thing that truly matters to me was the greatest mistake I could ever make. I will never make it again."
If Adam hadn’t done enough to shunt himself off his popular culture pedestal by allegedly being unfaithful to his (now) pregnant wife (or any of his musical offerings since Songs About Jane, to be honest, but that’s a conversation for another time), the revelation that he’s no more than a drooling idiot when it comes to courtship, devoid of the charm and sex appeal he’s famous for, has certainly done away with any last vestige of desirability. What happened to his Moves Like Jagger?