Toilets Are Being Programmed To Analyse Your Poo. No, Really

Everything you need to know about the smart loo. Instrumental or intrusive? We take a look.

Smart loo

by Annie Vischer |
Updated on

In a world where you can have your DNA tested to find your perfect skincare prescription, and sync your electric toothbrush to your phone, it should come as no surprise that tech has innovated to include loos that can analyse your poo. Ah, Gillian McKeith, the OG stool analyst would be thrilled – or out of a job. Remember her? The nutritionist who used to fork through faecal matter on Channel 4's hit series You Are What You Eat. Like her or loathe her, she spoke some sense (italics to appease the medically trained critics). For example, she once told a participant on the show, mid examination, 'what I see here are these little cuts... the little cuts mean that your spleen is not working properly'. She even went on to release a book on the subject, in which she furnished readers with facts such as 'floating stools that will not flush show a liver imbalance'. Yes, Gillian's fascination turned us into a nation of poo-gazers, and a poo literate one at that.

It's the continued and avid interest in, um, excreta, and the clues that it holds about our health, that made tech giants like Panasonic move in. Last year the brand launched a smart toilet in a China that syncs with an app and allows users to analyse their fat percentage and urine. The aim was to allow users to detect underlying health issues before they got too bad, to stop overcrowding in hospitals later down the line.


TOTO, the world's largest toilet manufacturer, are already in the process of rolling out a line poo examining loos. Already dubbed the Wellness Toilet, the new release could launch in as little as two years, and it's already been confirmed that the toilet will supply users with a range of health recommendations via an app, based on their stool sample. If you squint you can see Gwyneth and her disciples on the horizon right now. If vaginal steaming made the cut then a smart loo is an easy sell, right?

The perceived problems of smart loos? Well, our data for a start. Please, tech companies, run riot with our poo stats. Sell them to third parties if you will. And you can bet your bottom dollar that insurance companies are going to get in on the action. Vitality already offer their policyholders discounted Apple Watches, so that they can track their activity and earn rewards. What's next? Logging our bowel movements. No thanks.

There is, pun intended, a lot to digest here, but it's fair to say that we're dubious. For now, we'll be sticking to the Bristol Stool Chart.

Shop: The Best New Beauty Buys Out This Month


SHOP NOW: The Best New Beauty Buys November 2021

Nov beauty buys1 of 13

OJAR Wadi Bloom Absolute Perfume Oil, £130

If you think florals are cloying, you simply haven't met the right one. Case in point? The newest perfume oil from Ojar balances all the delicacy of white florals (jasmine and tuberose) with a dry, sexy base of patchouli and sandalwood. There's something seriously gratifying about massaging a perfume oil into your pulse points, too.

Best Nov beauty buys2 of 13

Romilly Wilde Light + Energy Serum Cleanser, £58

Might balm cleansers be the best way to remove makeup, and condition skin all at once? The newest cleanser from Romilly Wilde certainly makes a good case for it. Packed full of kind-to-skin, plant-derived omegas, skin feels plush and fortified after one use. Make use of the generous 'slip' that comes with the balm texture, and incorporate a moment of facial massage into your cleanse to help define facial contours and reduce puffiness.

November beauty buys3 of 13
CREDIT: Jones Road

Jones Road Lip and Cheek Stick, £30.50

Bobbi Brown herself has launched her own make-up range, and as anticipated, there are some stellar products in the lineup. The Lip and Cheek Stick is their latest arrival. There are eight varied shades, ranging from a rich oxblood to a fuchsia pink. The finish is glossy and luminous, the colour creamy and rich. Run the colour over your fingers and pat on the cheeks and lips, for an easy way to incorporate an element of colour.

November beauty buys4 of 13
CREDIT: Cult Beauty

Pacifica Sea & C Love Vitamin Serum, £22

Pacifica is Cult Beauty's latest stateside import. There's a whole host of skin and (especially dreamy) body care, but this vitamin C serum is worth some airtime. It has an impressive ingredients list (a hearty dose of vitamin C, antioxidant marine extracts and green tea, as well as hyaluronic acid) that work to brighten and protect skin. For £22, you get some serious bang for your buck.

November beauty buys5 of 13
CREDIT: Scientia

Scientia Ceramide Skin Rescue Moisture Barrier Balm, £28

Consider this a lifeboat for irritated, sensitised skin. A blend of (5!) ceramides, fatty acids and lipids work to restore lost moisture and take the redness out of flushed, delicate skin. Slather it on overnight as a repair mask or apply a small amount as a moisturiser. Keep it in your arsenal as the months get colder (central heating can wreck havoc, after all).

November beauty buys6 of 13
CREDIT: Cult Beauty

ICONIC London Glaze Crayon, £24

Your ticket to an easy smoky eye lies in the form of a crayon. This one, from Iconic London, is particularly creamy and deposits a generous wash of colour in one scribble. The other end of this product features a liquid glitter, which wears particularly well over the crayon. Layer the two textures for full frontal sparkle that wears well throughout the day.

November beauty buys7 of 13
CREDIT: Monday Muse

Monday Muse Soft Milky Gel Cleanser, £28

Monday Muse has a cult following online, for all the right reasons. The product range is minimal, considered and created with reactive skin in mind. Their latest launch, the Soft Milky Gel Cleanser, is one worth praise. It's non-foaming, creamy and emulsifies well to melt make-up and cleanse the skin thoroughly. Some cleansers have a tendency to leave skin on the tight side, but this one leaves happy and soft skin in its wake.

November beauty buys8 of 13
CREDIT: Gloved by Tom Daxon

Gloved by Tom Daxon Sanitiser Travel Set, £36

Hooked on beautiful hand sanitiser and soap post Covid? It's ok; us too. This set includes one 375ml hand sanitiser, and two travel sized ones, so you can refill them as you go. The scent here is the star of the show: cedarwood, lime and powdery iris, which just smells expensive. It's no secret alcohol dries the hands, but a hearty dose of squalane and hyaluronic acid offset its drying nature considerably in this one.

November beauty buys9 of 13

L'Oréal Professionnel Steampod 3.0 x Barbie Hair Straightener, £235

L'Oréal's favourite hair straightener, the Steampod, has had a makeover. The collaboration with Barbie sees an (inevitable) injection of pink, and it's bringing so much joy to our dressing table...The Steampod uses (yes, you guessed it) steam to style the hair. A continuous flow of high pressure steam coats each strand to create a glassy smooth shine. The brand says that the Steampod creates 78% less damage than ordinary straighteners, and our hair is certainly feeling stronger and smoother.

November beauty launches10 of 13

OUAI North Bondi Candle, £32

OUAI might not necessarily be on your radar when shopping for candles, but they should be. Whilst they're primarily a haircare brand (and a very good one, at that) their scents are something to write home about. North Bondi is a union of subtle florals and creamy coconut, making for a seriously uplifting scent. It's one that isn't polarising and will appeal to most.

November beauty launches11 of 13

Natasha Denona Glam Face Palette Dark, £51

Natasha Denona's palettes are on the pricier side, but the quality of the shadows are second to none. These shades are intensely pigmented, so go easy with your brush. The matte shades are buttery smooth, and don't feel chalky upon application (a risk that often comes with the matte territory). These palettes - which come in a light and dark version - feature a cream blush and highlight, too. One for the Christmas list?

November beauty launches12 of 13

Revitalash Lash and Brow Masque, £40

It's natural to be skeptical about products that claim to make your lashes and brows grow, but consider Revitalash an authority in great lash and brow care. Their latest launch, the Lash and Brow Masque, creates a nourishing 'tube' around each individual hair strand. It coats them in seriously fortifying ingredients, helping to restore their strength. Such treatment creates the optimum environment for lash and brow growth; consider it especially if you wear eyelash extensions or mascara frequently.

Boots Glow Banana Peel and Polish13 of 13

Boots Glow Banana Peel and Polish, £5

There's a lot to be said about the benefits of a mask exfoliator. Boots' newest offering contains a generous dose of lactic acid, and - you guessed it - banana extract, to gently exfoliate. Working in tandem, they'll unearth a glow you didn't know you could have, and leave skin soft to the touch. Have on your shelf for Christmas party skin prep.

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