How’s your inbox looking? Emails and news alerts about your post-lockdown body? Social media varying wildly from urging you to accept yourself to shrinking yourself before you gasp see people? My morning scroll included national newspapers telling me how to lose weight and a celebrity squeezing hard to make a new roll that she insisted (as part of an ad campaign) she loved.
That’s why, more than ever, we need to start thinking about body neutrality and being kind to ourselves. Because lockdown has been damaging enough – and further (emotional) weight on our shoulders about the way we might have changed when we see people we love and have missed, is just ridiculous.
Body neutrality, depending on where you look on the internet, has lots of different meanings. But essentially I think it’s about not giving so much importance (or any!) to the way that our bodies look and not linking our entire self-worth to it. It’s often mentioned in the same breath as Body Acceptance, and I guess to a certain extent, if you accept your body, you can be neutral about it. And if you are neutral about your body, you’ve accepted it.
But to me, body acceptance is an effort, a hard-won battle and, for lots of us, a bridge too far some days. The attempt for body neutrality, for me, anyway (because everything about your own body is personal) is about acknowledging the quest to not put so much onus on the way our bodies look. 'Attempt' is key - the idea that some days you’ll manage it and some days you won’t. That our relationship with our bodies is on a spectrum but it’s about trying not to let those fluctuations affect every little thing in our lives. Or judging ourselves on our ability to manage that relationship.
That is why, for many women, body neutrality could be the safe port from the body positivity movement. Because as well as not thinking your body is AWFUL, it removes the pressure to LOVE EVERY CURVE. Body positivity, while fantastic if it works - and undoubtedly has made changes for good - can leave some of us feeling like we’re failing if we don’t totally love our bodies and therefore, just leads to further spirals.
There’s also a feeling that body positivity has been co-opted by the wellness and fitness industries. EAT THIS MOON DUST SO YOU FEEL THINNER AND THEN BODY POSITIVE! LIFT THESE WEIGHTS AND DO THIS HIIT CLASS AN ATHLETE DEVISED SO YOU FEEL BODY POSITIVE! It’s important to say, I’m not knocking exercise, or the endorphins or mental health space it gives anyone. At all. In fact, a position of body neutrality would I think endorse exercising for health (and I mean actual your organs health, not 'we're sneakily meaning skinny' health) and your mind, because you’re using your body and its movement, rather than punching away at it.
Not thinking about weight is just another diet tactic... But, if I’m not hating myself, that’s probably a step forward?
Body neutrality can also be for everyone. For years body positivity told us it was about diversity of shapes and accepting all. But that hasn’t happened. We’re still in a state in this country where Adele losing weight was headline news for a week – and, somehow, everyone’s business and a reflection of how they felt about their own bodies. I count myself amongst that group, feeling that her loss was my shame. But it shouldn’t be. And as we come out of lockdown, there will be people who’ve started running, exercising or just eating healthier and might look smaller than when you last saw them. That shouldn’t make you feel anything, ideally - we need to start being neutral about other people's bodies too. And because body neutrality can be for anyone, if you are that person, you shouldn’t feel anything from pride to discomfort in that fact, or talking about either if you want. While in recent years there have been stories of people not being ‘fat enough’ for plus-size for body positivity campaigns, and many women have been left feeling in the middle of the super-skinny and plus-size campaigns, this movement can be for anyone. You just need a body.
It can be an injured or ill of fatigued body too. As we leave lockdown, not enough is being said about those who are still suffering the effects of coronavirus, for instance. The fainting and tiredness and breathing problems that can stay for months (and, we don’t know enough about yet to conclude when it might stop). There are people who are sheltering, worried about returning to normal life. People undergoing treatment for cancer. There are lot of people who are judging their bodies not for their weight, and feeling it's let them down. Body positivity is hard if your lungs won’t help you leave your couch.
When talking about coronavirus and weight, it’s of course important to acknowledge the issue of health complications. God forbid women should be allowed to have a conversation about weight without being told one end or the other is ‘unhealthy’. But in this case, it’s a valid point. Studies have found that the obese people are at a higher risk of death from coronavirus – it’s a genuine risk factor. That is a fact. So, you might say, we should be focusing on driving those who are overweight to be slimmer, we need to focus on people’s bodies more than ever.
Personally, I think that we all have eyes and read the news. And sometimes, actually, thinking about your body and punishing yourself and being fearful, leads to one thing… and it’s not weight loss. It’s not the same to say that being neutral about the way my body looks means that its health is not my concern. Arguably, it’s the opposite. For me it’s extricating the ‘look’ ‘shame’ ‘fit’ and ‘size’ and seeing the body for its function. Would its function (including the mental health of my physical brain) be better if I exercised and ate better? Probably. Would I suddenly feel WORTHY and FIXED though? No - that's the distinction. Being neutral about your body doesn’t endorse casting it aside and leaving it to fend for itself - if you can attain it, I’d argue it’d give you more space to focus on the good. Though not 'celebrating', I worry 'celebrating' is a shortcut back to equating looks with worth.
It’s not a magic wand, and I’m not saying I’m going to suddenly slide away from the ‘obese’ part of the graph shrink and be safe from coronavirus because I’m not thinking about my body. That too, I feel, is just another diet tactic we've all read in a magazine and tried. But, if I’m not hating myself, that’s probably a step forward? Because what has hating it ever really achieved? I’m being facetious, maybe, but despising your body is probably not the easiest way to persuade it to go for a run in lycra in front of people.
To be honest, I’m no expert in anything but my own skin. And you, expert in your own. I’m sure plenty would say even writing an article about bodies isn’t body neutral. They’re probably right. But, just in case you also feel like you’re caught in a fight for your attention between the ‘get into the gymmers’ and the ‘get into your curvesers’, I hope this article reminds you that you don’t have to give either the time of day. It’s hard, I know, but you can just be. And enjoy.
READ MORE: The Irrational Sting Of Other People's Weight Loss
READ MORE: Is the Popularity Of Body Positivity Its Ultimate Downfall?