We've Written A Dating Etiquette Handbook for 2018
By Tasha Kleeman Posted on 7 Feb 2018
Margaret Atwood has come up with a novel solution to the widespread male depravity revealed by the #metoo campaign: an etiquette rulebook. Speaking on Radio 4, Atwood explained: ‘there used to be a lot of etiquette books on how to behave. Those seem to have gone out the window.’
She described her solution as a kind of ‘Mr Manners column – like “what do you do when…?” I think it can help men to understand what may possibly be expected of them in the behaviour department’. (Because men can’t possibly be expected to behave appropriately without clear instructions). Atwood did specify that she wasn’t talking about ‘rapists’, but that the handbook would provide etiquette guidelines for ‘ordinary people who think they’re on a date’.
Asked what kind of rules such a guide might consist of, Atwood was less forthcoming: ‘I think we should let the younger people deal with that. I’m 78.’
Well, Margaret Atwood spoke, and we listened. We enlisted the help of some of the women we admire to compile our own dating etiquette handbook for 2018. Men, take note.
Elizabeth Day *- - Author and journalist*
‘Don’t post a hotel-room selfie on your dating app profile or any pictures of you bare-chested on motorbikes. You look like a twat.’
Daisy Buchanan* * *- Journalist and author of ‘How To Be A Grown Up’ *
‘When making initial contact or arranging a first date, never send any message that you’d be embarrassed for your own Mum or boss to see. Once you’ve met, and got on, what you do is up to you, as long as consent and the setting is appropriate – but before that has happened, behave as if all correspondence could be shown at a surprise Power Point themed family party’
Stevie Martin - Writer, comedian and half of The Debrief podcast
‘During the date, while the woman is talking, or you’re talking, or both of you are discussing various aspects of your respective life and times, try your absolute hardest not to get your dick out and wank on them. I’d argue that’s one of the cardinal rules. Nobody wants that to happen, not even your dick. Your dick will be so embarrassed.’
‘If the person you are talking to has a job that you do not have any experience in, try really hard not to explain her job to her. Or say anything that starts with “the thing about (her job) is”. Definitely avoid implying you could do that job easily but you chose something else.’
Bella Younger - A.k.a **Deliciously StellaDeliciously Stella
‘I think that all men should have a pot plant on dates to prove they can go all evening without masturbating into it’
Rachel Hosie - Journalist and one half of the **‘Millennial Love’ ‘Millennial Love’ podcast
‘Never ghost someone after you’ve met up. Ghosting is never acceptable if you’ve met up in person. While simply not replying is, sadly, to be expected when you’re still in the dating app stages of communication, doing so after you’ve been on an actual date – or, God forbid, multiple – is not OK. A simple message saying you’re not interested (whether that’s because you’re focusing on your career or it’s not them, it’s you) will give you both closure and let your date know where they stand.’
Rebecca Holman - Editor of ‘The Debrief’ and author of BETA: ‘Quiet Girls Can Rule The World’
‘I’m actually going to steal this from Facebook and Alphabet’s Google, who both have a company policy that states that you can’t ask a co-worker out more than once (an ambiguous response – ‘I’m washing my hair,’ etc – also counts as a no). There’s such a damaging mythology around the persistent male who keeps asking the woman out until she finally relents and goes along with it. In films: this is romance. IRL: this is called stalking or, at best, emotional manipulation. I don’t think we have enough hard and fast rules about dating, and I think this is one we could all live with. If you ask someone out, and they say no, don’t ask again. If they suddenly stop in their tracks and realise the error of their ways a week later, then I promise, they’ll make their feelings known.’
Laura Nicole Tott - Waitress at Channel 4’s First Dates Restaurant
‘Confidence is attractive, however, cockiness is not. So many dates go wrong because of that and a good listener is better than a good talker!’
Megan Taylor - Model, journalist and blogger
‘My mum has taught me from a young age to always ask questions about the other person as much as you are asked about your own life. It keeps the conversation flowing and prevents you from being self absorbed’
‘Buy insanely thoughtful presents that definitely don’t have to cost much’
Liz Fraser - Columnist and broadcaster
’ “No” never means “She’ll love it once she realises how awesome I am.” It also doesn’t mean “she’s probably OK with it, but doesn’t want to sound too forward.” And it never means “yes”. No means “no”. And that’s OK. If it’s not, YOU’RE the dick, not her. Please leave, and never date anyone again’
Persia Lawson - Author, speaker and love coach
‘Don’t be a twat’
Grace Timothy - Journalist and author of ‘Mum Face’
‘Refrain from wiping your penis on your partner’s curtains. Or anyone’s curtains, actually’
READ MORE: Every guy Carrie dated in Sex And The City
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.
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