First came ghosting, then came breadcrumbing, and now… Marleying.
The term is being used to describe the trend of ex partners popping up unexpectedly over the festive season.
1 in 10 singles will be contacted by an ex looking for a fling this Christmas, according to a new study by eHarmony that surveyed 4,054 adults in the U.K.
The trend’s name comes from Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, where Ebenezer Scrooge's dead business partner Jacob Marley appears as a ghost to tell Scrooge that his spirit has been wandering around since he died, as punishment for being obsessed with business and neglecting the people in his life.
It’s not likely that will be the content of the message one in 10 singles will get this Christmas though, it’s more likely to be along the lines of: ‘Hey, hope you’re good, would be great to see you while I’m back in town,’ ‘Are you busy this week, I’ve missed you,’ or ‘Fancy a catch up for old times’ sake?’
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While you’re getting into the festive spirit by dancing around the house to Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas, sipping on a Baileys hot chocolate or applying another layer of glitter nail varnish, your ex might be crafting a whatsapp message that could steal your Christmas joy and send you into a tailspin of confusion and not-so-festive angst.
eHarmony has suggested the trend is driven by people heading back to their parents’ houses or home towns over Christmas, coupled with people feeling extra lonely over Christmas.
According to the study 11 per cent of singles have been Marleyed, here’s how to deal if it happens to you:
Stay calm. It’s just a message, it doesn’t necessarily mean anything’s changed or that your ex is now the perfect person you always wanted them to be. Take some time to think over what your response should be. Get back to watching Love Actually, or whichever festive event you were taking part in when your ex messaged you.
Consider your options. Remember why you broke up, how your ex made you feel during the relationship, how you would feel if you did meet up, how you would feel if you didn’t meet up. Some ghosts really should stay in the past where they belong, and some can teach us valuable things.
Ask a friend. You likely have a friend who was around during your relationship, or at least knows a little about the ins and outs of it – let that friend know what has happened and ask for their advice. Two heads are better than one, and then you can make a decision on the course of action that works best for you.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.