The Lies We’re Never Going To Stop Telling Our Friends

You can't handle the truth. No, really


by Emily Walker |
Published on

Taylor Swift has said she wants her friends to be brutally honest with her. Erm. Right. Here's the lies that we're never going to stop telling our friends.

He’s probably just really busy right now

Really: He’s a worthless piece of shit who is – to use the one useful phrase Sex And The City actually gave us – just not that into you.

I’ve got no money

Really: I’m massively comfy on my couch right now and *The Big Reunion’*s about to start soooo, no. I’m not coming to the pub.

Yeah, someone’s been using my shampoo too

Really: I’ve never bought shampoo, not once. I’m pretty much on a neverending carousel between our different housemates’ beauty products. Rotation is key for ultimate stealth.

I left your present at hoooome

Really: Clearly I’ve been a lazy cow and not bought it yet. I feel bad at the moment but we’ll both forget about this in a week.

I love your hat!

Really: It’s the first thing I saw from a mile off. It’s that mad that I can’t not comment on it. Ergo, I’ll say something nice to prevent me saying something mean.

That’s so weird, I just got your text right now

Really: I got it five hours ago. Then I got distracted by something much more insignificant that was probably related to internet lols.

Sorry babes, haven’t seen it

Really: I nicked it out of your wardrobe three days ago, forgot about it and now it’s under a pile of socks on my bedroom floor. I’ll put it back when you’re not looking.

That’s a brilliant idea

Really: Quitting your job to go travelling is ridiculous. You’re not burnt out, you’ve been in full-time employment for seven months. Man up.

It’s fine, really

Really: I’m pretty miffed you did that. But I’m too much of a pussy to start an argument. So I’ll just build it up in my head until I get to a point where I actually think I might hate you. All for eating my last slice of bread.

I don’t hate him

Really: I do hate him. He’s a wanker and you’re better than that but last time you broke up I slagged him off and you didn’t listen. Now you’re back together it’s a bit awkward, so this time around? I’m keeping schtum.

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.

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