We often talk about the emotional and physical toll of dating, but there’s one thing we rarely say out loud: it can be very expensive. The tough economy we’re living in has changed the way we think about money, with around 6 in 10 adults spending less on non-essentials in 2024 – but if you're dating in hopes of meeting someone you can spend the rest of your life with, a lack of funds might not feel like a good enough reason to stay home.
Little surprise then that a recent study by Experian found that the average debt accrued by 18 to 35-year-olds from dating and relationship expenses is £2246.50. ‘Money worries have made me more particular about who I'll go out with,’ says 33-year-old Louise*, who works in PR. ‘I'll think: is this person really worth spending £50 to £100 on?’
Dinner is a standard option for early dates, and the price of eating in restaurants is rapidly increasing, by around 15 per cent per head between 2022 and 2023, according to a study by Lumina Intelligence. ‘I could never go on multiple dates per week like my friends who earn more than me might – and that’s how a lot of them found their boyfriends,’ says 31-year-old journalist Charley.
There are also costs to being single in the first place – often known as ‘single tax’ – like not being able to split rent, bills and other expenses like holidays. The Guardian reported that these amount to £860 a month on average, and will significantly eat into a dater’s disposable income.
Being held back from dating because of your bank balance can feel stressful, particularly if you’re hoping to find something serious. Kate Daly, a relationship expert and co-founder of online divorce service Amicable, explains that this can stop potential romances from moving beyond the screen. ‘As the cost-of-living crisis continues, we see a lot of people spending more time online and not actually going on dates,’ she says.
It might feel easier to avoid meeting than to face frank conversations about money in the early stages. ‘It's hard to tell a person you're interested in that you can't afford something, because you don't want to let them down,’ says Charley. And let's face it – there are complicated, gendered expectations when it comes to money. Traditionally, a lot of the financial pressure of dating has been on men, which can still be the case, with the Experian research finding that 5% of men had over £10,000 worth of debt from funding relationships.
Money can also have more personal implications for women: ‘I'm more insistent about paying my way if I don't want to see someone again, because I think there’s an idea that follows women around that if a man buys you a drink, you should sleep with him,’ says Louise.
Nevertheless, normalising lowkey financial conversations from the get-go is a good idea, according to Daly. ‘Attitudes towards money and spending, and particularly getting into debt, can be a really big divide between couples,’ she says. ‘We all have a psychological relationship with money, so it's a good idea to do some self-reflection while dating. Are you a spender? Are you a saver? And what's important to you when it comes to money?’
This doesn't mean you should ask for your date's credit score before you've moved onto the second drink, but it can be constructive to mention that you're open to a more relaxed, affordable get-together, be it a coffee or a picnic. ‘Try to have a conversation around planning the date, rather than leaving it to the other person, especially when you don't know anything about them or what their expectations are,’ says Daly.
This might save you cash, but it will also test your compatibility and ability to communicate with each other in an empathetic way. Perhaps most importantly, their reaction could help you figure out whether the person sitting opposite you is worth spending another £16 on a cocktail.
A dating diary in numbers: Louise, 33, London
Day 2: ‘I go on a first date with a guy I’ve met on an app. I choose the bar because I want to make sure that it will have a good vibe. I like to go to nice places with quality alcohol, which can make dating more expensive. I had decent chemistry over text and voice notes with this man, but I know pretty quickly into the date that I’m not super attracted to him. We take it in turns to go to the bar, and I buy two rounds, which costs me £70.’
**Day 12: ‘**I decide to do a coffee-and-walk date as I’m trying not to spend too much on first dates especially. We get on well and it’s a good sign when the vibe is good sober. I think I’ll see him again. £8.20 for two coffees.’
**Day 15: ‘**Second date, and we do dinner and drinks. He picks the place but I don’t like not paying my way, so I cover the drinks at a bar after dinner. £58.’
Day 18: ‘It’s our third date and we're not ready to drop into cooking at each other's home – but this is getting expensive. We go to a food market and do rounds but it still isn’t cheap. I spend £48 overall.’
Four dates, total monthly spend: £184.20