We’ll Take Good Chat Over A Six-Pack, Thanks Love Island

Once upon a time, in a sunlit Mallorcan garden, two British 20-somethings were getting to know each other. Actually, he was giving a detailed description of his weekly coffee morning with pals back home, and she was staring at him agog. ‘The coffee shop’s mint, like,’ he murmured, gazing not at her but at the nearby swimming pool. ‘There’s loads of coffee shops, but that one’s the best. It’s always 10 o’clock that we meet there – I have a latte, but sometimes I push the boat out with a salted caramel syrup.’

If you’re wondering whether this raconteur can be booked for parties, his name is Brad McClelland, and he’s busy right now, taking part in Love Island. His audience that day was Chloe Burrows; afterwards, she headed to the Beach Hut to reflect on the encounter. ‘I’ve never, ever had a conversation with a boy where they’ve not even asked you one question,’ she said. ‘It was painful.’

Brad isn’t the only islander who struggles with conversation; after a silent brunch with Liam Reardon, Faye Winter commented that she’d like a man to show his interest not just by kissing her, but by asking about her. And while there are many Love Island tropes that don’t crop up in my own sex life – men with rippling, golden abs, for example – this one rang a loud bell. Thanks to dating apps, I’ve met many singletons who shared Brad’s love of a one-way chat. What you hope for is the sparky back-and-forth of two people keen to know more about each other – but often what you get is simply an audience with Dave, 34, who enjoys marathon training and the sound of his own voice.

It’s a failure of manners. As Chloe said, two-way conversation is easy: ‘You just add on at the end, “What about you?” It’s polite!’ Sometimes it seems that all a Brad wants to know is what you look like, and how long you can stay awake while he talks.

What’s brilliant about Love Island, for all its faults, is that it features a cast of real people experiencing the real hiccups of romance. They get things wrong, air their grievances and resolve their conflicts in front of a national audience – and at home, we’re prompted to think afresh about our own behaviour. The next time Chloe spoke to Brad, she pointed out that he needs to ask more questions; looking baffled, he agreed to try. ‘I dunno like… what’s your story?’ he offered. The jury’s out on whether it’s too late for him – but it’s not too late for any Brads-in-the-making who are watching.

The good news for straight men is that if you do show genuine interest in listening as well as talking, you’re as rare and special as a unicorn. A man who gets the art of conversation is the ultimate heart-throb for me – and I’d take good chat over a six-pack any day of the week.