So, you are thinking of Going Away With A New Boyfriend. Ye Gads, this is a biggie. I mean, no pressure, but it’s basically almost as huge a deal as having a baby with someone, or getting married to them. I know, because I have done all of these things, and I promise you - nothing has made me break into a cold sweat quite as much as the thought of Going Away With A New Boyfriend. I mean, pregnancy and engagements? These are simple because they tend to happen when there is a degree of familiarity between you and the other person. But Going Away With A New Boyfriend is terrifying because you might snore and Jesus, you’re going to have to do a number two and what if he hears you? Also, what if after 24 hours you realise you hate each other? So many questions, which I will try and answer.
When is it acceptable to Go Away With A New Boyfriend?
Really, it depends where you are planning to go away. You can go on a mini-break after three months, I reckon, and further afield after five. Then again, I once asked a boyfriend of only two months to come with me on a family holiday to the South of France. Reader, I married him. So, you know, whatever feels right, really.
How do I carry out ‘ablutions’ while retaining an air of exotic mystery?
Send him out to buy fags and gin. Yes, even if it’s 9am.
Our hotel has a spa. Is it embarrassing to indulge in swimming pool snogging, like Z list celebrities who have been ‘caught’ out by the paparazzi?
No! Go for it! This is exactly what Going Away With A New Boyfriend is all about, baby
Is it OK to get wildly drunk at least once?
Is it OK? Woman, it’s obligatory.
Do I pack some sexy lingerie?
I once went to mid-Wales with a boyfriend and packed an Agent Provocateur corset that was so complicated, he had to help me in to it. Then he just took it straight off again. Pointless, really.
Should I go on a bikini diet?
Are you mad? I’m guessing this man has seen you naked. I’m guessing this man kind of likes you. I’m guessing you look pretty darn fab as you are. Be yourself. Please.
Follow Bryony on Twitter @bryony_gordon
And if you've got any advice to offer leave it in the comments section below
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.