According to TikTok**,** celeb world and, seemingly, every upcoming film and TV show, it’s Age Gap Autumn, so as you put your Brat green crop-top away, you can take your much-younger boyfriend out of storage. The phrase has been trending on social media, informing us that the hottest accessory this season seems to be a much younger man. Despite never having been on TikTok, as a 48-year-old who is married to Dan, 30, I’ve never felt more in vogue.
Yesterday, my friend emailed me (subject line: ABOUT BLOODY TIME) trailers for some upcoming TV shows and films where, refreshingly, the romantic lead is an older woman. There are far too many to list them all, but this year we’ve had Nicole Kidman in A Family Affair, Anne Hathaway in The Idea Of You and Laura Dern in Lonely Planet with much younger male love interests. Next year we’ll see Kidman again (Babygirl), Renée Zellweger (Bridget Jones: Mad About The Boy) and Olivia Wilde (I Want Your Sex). Meanwhile, in celeb world, Cruz Beckham, 19, is dating Jackie Apostel, 29, and Cher, 78, is showing us all how it’s done with her 38-year-old boyfriend.
Now I’m no Anne Hathaway, but it is exciting to see portrayals of age-gap relationships that don’t follow the typical older guy/ younger woman scenario; a narrative that has gone largely unquestioned for eternity, both on our screens and in real life. I’m also hopeful that the women are the more established actors (often Oscar-winners!) and avoid ‘cougar’ stereotypes, as I loathe this word and the suggestion that an older woman treats a younger man as prey.
Before Dan, I’d never been out with anyone much younger than me. And yet, when a mutual friend hooked us up, I thought: why not? I was looking for good sex (something my previous relationship with a 40-something guy had lacked) and good conversation. With Dan, I got it all. At first, I questioned our age gap, who wouldn’t? Before our first drink, I did wonder if we’d have anything to talk about. It turns out we had plenty in common. And from the flirting, it was obvious we fancied each other.
As for me getting naked in front of Dan, I felt fine. I’m sure he’d seen far less plentiful pubic hair, and run his hands along more taut skin, but I was damned if I was going to waste great orgasms on hang-ups about my stomach, boobs or thighs.
For the first couple of years, I spent a lot of energy wishing we were closer in age. Beyond my anxieties about introducing my children to Dan, which I did after a few months (they didn’t bat an eyelid at the age gap), I was worried because I knew Dan wanted a child in the future. All I could think was: that may not be with me. In the end, we tried IVF with an egg donor and after three rounds we got lucky.
Now, almost eight years on, we have a mortgage and three kids between us (my daughters from my first marriage are 17 and 19 and Dan and I have a two-year-old). When I have wondered if maybe, one day, he’ll want to be with someone his own age, he’s told me that he’s had the same worries about me. Just because I’m older doesn’t mean the insecurities are all mine. And anyway, as I get older, I realise that what lies ahead is not ours to predict.
While I won’t necessarily be telling my friends to try out a younger guy like a new-season lipstick shade, I’d say that when it comes to age-gap relationships, everyone should keep an open mind.