So, a new study by dating website Singles247.com (which boasts 'genuine quality girls and guys' as part of it's 'thing') has come up with a list of stuff that women expect before they er, put out, to use a term last used by the cast of Grease in 1978.
Maybe it's just us, but following a quick straw poll of the office and our friends, the list seemed a little off. I mean two gifts before sex? Nice thought, but really?
Here's what we (apparently) expect of men before we'll sex them up.
They say: 'Five Dates'
We say: You mean like, just the two of us? Sounds a bit intense that. How about two incidences of slyly arranging to be in the same place at the same time with both your respective friendship circles? Much more civilized.
They say: 'Two Gifts Or Tokens Of Affection'
We say: Does two glasses of the house white count?
They say: '12 Text Conversations'
We say: I mean, yes. Ideally yes.
They say: 'Five Social Media Messages'
We say: Ditto. As long as Whats App counts.
They say: 'Five Phone Calls'
We say: I’m sorry, phone calls? Given the choice between texting and speaking live, in real time, on the phone, we know which one we prefer. Hell, if we’ve had one convo that isn’t a three second ‘Where are you?’ bellow into the phone in a crowded bar by the end of year one then we’re doing pretty darn well.
They say: 'Three DVDs Watched'
We say: What is this, 2008? When was the last time you watched a DVD? One illegally streamed episode of True Detective and we’re yours.
They say: 'Seven Passionate Kisses'
We say: Can they all be at the same time?
They say: 'Five Heart-To-Hearts Or Meaningful Chats'
We say: Does that time he drunkenly told you about his ex-girlfriend and how she broke his heart count? I mean, it seemed pretty meaningful to him?
They say: 'Four Meals Together'
We say: Sorry, is he paying? Cos it’s the third week of the month and we’ve been living on freeze-dried 8p noodles for the past four days. Hot tip straight from our kitchen: ketchup actually makes them more palatable. Sometimes.
They say: 'One Bunch Of Flowers'
We say: Flowers. Yep. Have you seen how expensive the good ones are these days? Plus, with our hayfever since we moved to the polluted city, it’s more of a punishment than a present.
Follow Jess on Twitter @jess_commons
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.