Are you single? Are you smart? Sucks to be you!
Oh, wait.
Last week psychologists confirmed a theory that has been long-suspected by any female who’s ever tried to be funny and challenging on Tinder. Men don’t like it when you’re smarter than them. Researchers from three different universities (I want to list them here but they mostly sound made up) (OK: University of Buffalo, California Lutheran University and University of Texas) did a series of tests with groups of men and women. They found that, in theory, men say they find intelligence sexy in a prospective partner – when asked to rank women from a distance, men claimed to be drawn to women who displayed more intelligence than them. But when it came to actually meeting these women that they’d professed to find attractive, it was a big no thanks. The men ‘distanced themselves more from her, tended to rate her as less attractive and showed less desire to exchange contact information or plan a date with her.’ The study concluded that the ‘feelings of diminished masculinity accounted for men’s decreased attraction towards women who outperformed them.’
So there, what do we think of that?
Personally, speaking as an incredibly, incredibly clever woman, I like this study. It gives me an answer when my grandmother demands to know why I’m single and angrily accuses me of having high standards. ‘Actually Grandmother,’ I’ll reply, because she would really hate being called Grandmother, ‘My IQ is too high, that’s why men don’t want to go out with me.’ And then she will probably tut and point out that my IQ didn’t help me get dressed properly this morning and what kind of outfit is that anyway (she’s such a sweetheart).
I was exaggerating for effect above – but I do think of myself as pretty smart, and I do think it comes into play when I’m dating. For example, I’m very aware that I have a noticeably better success rate with men on dates when I’m tired. It sounds strange, but I think it’s because I tend to be less of a smart-arse. I laugh prettily (/exhaustedly), I talk less, and my sharp, challenging edges tend to be blunted. Men seem to enjoy that slower Lucy more than caffeinated Lucy who thinks it’s funny to argue with them about things like ‘diminished masculinity’ (that was the bit in the study that made me LOL most). When my intellect is casually ‘brought up’ by men, it does tend to be with an edge to their voice.
But maybe that’s not fair. Maybe it just comes down to being generally a very competitive species. Sure, I would struggle to find common ground with someone operating at a very different level of intellect from me – either extremely smart or extremely not. So maybe this study just proves that we all want a relationship of equals. Right, men? Is that right? You just want someone who is on your level, yes? Someone who can enjoy a joke about diminished masculinity over a glass of white wine. Right? Hello?
***Words by Lucy Vine. ***