As a 'Rape Melania' sign goes viral, columnist Lucy Vine says we can't fight misogyny with misogyny.
I don’t claim to totally get Melania Trump. I can’t even claim to like her. She’s been the mostly silent, awkward figure over Donald Trump’s shoulder throughout this awful year of campaigning, wheeled out on occasion to smile and nod robotically when yet another sexual assault or misogyny allegation was made against her husband. In fact, the only time she’s drawn focus, was in July when she totally plagiarised a Michelle Obama speech during the Republican Convention.
But does any of that mean we have a right to attack and slut shame her?
That was a rhetorical question, because of course we don’t.
This week, a photo from a demonstration outside Trump Tower went viral, thanks to one particular protestor, who appeared to be holding up a sign that reads ‘Rape Melania’. It’s disgusting and disappointing and disturbing and all the other dis-words. And it comes after months of headlines and raised eyebrows about how America is about to have a First Lady who posed naked during her modelling days – including one shoot, years ago for a French men’s mag, which warranted the US headline ‘OGLE OFFICE’. Shudder.
It’s pretty embarrassing, isn’t it? When you’re trying to point out the gross misogyny of a soon-to-be President, and then everyone goes after his wife with that same level of misogyny and slut shaming? Sort of makes huge hypocrites of us all, doesn’t it?
I don’t know who this protestor was, or if the sign was even real – it could easily have been a plant to undermine the 4,000 other peaceful protestors there that night – but the slut-shaming that continually goes on is undeniable. And one of the more disturbing parts, for me, is that it so often comes from women. It’s that ‘internalised misogyny’ Hillary Clinton’s team called out during their campaign, and it’s the reason more than half of white women voted for Trump. It’s self-sabotage.
We have a sort of battle going on internally, because we’re told from an early age that our pretty dresses and our looks are what counts. We’re told to compete with other women and to push each other down to get ahead. We’re told that women who want power or money are bitches and gold diggers. We’re told to do like Margaret Thatcher – sure, find a crack in the glass ceiling somewhere if you’re able, but then quickly seal up that crack behind you once you’re through.
I found myself doing it a bit at 21, when I worked on a men’s magazine. I fought to be ‘one of the lads’, demanded to be a part of the ‘banter’. I went to a strip club and pretended not to care about the objectification of women. When we spend our lives being told that a woman’s worth is in her looks – and we elect a world leader who devalues women, calls them pigs, and laughs about sexual assault – we take that on. We hear it, we live it. We become complicit in our own destruction.
I say this partly because I don’t agree with the idea that women hate women. I hear that a lot, and I think it is mostly nonsense. I have been drunk-crying in enough pub toilets in my time to know that women are always there to hand you a tissue, ask you what’s wrong, and lend you a lipstick. But none of us are immune to societal misogyny, so we need to keep reminding ourselves to look after each other. To have each other’s backs. Especially when someone like Melania Trump comes along, who we may not particularly like or want to defend. That’s when we need to stand up to this kind of weirdly gleeful slut-shaming more than ever.
And actually, I have high (medium) hopes she can be some sort of small positive influence on the President Elect. After all, she didn’t grow up with money, like he did. She was raised in a concrete tower block in communist Yugoslavia. She’s smart too, speaking five languages, including Slovenian, French, Serbian and German. She says she wants to tackle bullying on social media – and since her husband is the biggest proponent of this (Fox News host, Megyn Kelly has this week spoken of year-long death threats and the need for 24hr security after her feud with Donald Trump) – maybe Melania will help give her husband some perspective on the issue.
Either way, let’s listen to the outgoing First Lady yet again in this.
‘The measure of any society is how we treat our women and girls.’
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