My holiday job when home from uni was at a nursery; I flew out to Canada to meet my best friend’s baby before she was two months old; and I am always available to babysit – Peppa Pig is my homegirl. I’m not the sort of person who feels deflated or let down when a friend announces their pregnancy – I’m always genuinely thrilled (not least at the chance to buy teeny, tiny shoes) and many of my happiest days out have involved petting zoos and seaside trips with mini companions. But – at the risk of sounding like a guy in the pub beginning a rant with ‘I’m not racist, but…’ – but… we’re not inviting any children to our wedding. Not even our nephew.
There will be no crawling under the tables of our wedding breakfast, or ground-up cake smushed into the carpets of our reception. No tiny couple tearing up the dance floor or skidding on the knees of their suit trousers while their mum shouts at them. Most importantly, no friends leaving early because their kid is flagging.
People tend to fall firmly on either side of the fence when it comes to wee ones at weddings. There are those who admonish, watery-eyed: ‘but it’s not a wedding without children!’. (Mate, look at this dress, witness my husband. This is a wedding.) Then there are those – generally the ones with toddlers – who grasp my shoulders and breathe: ‘oh thank god. I’ve got a sitter on speed-dial.’
I’m sure there are a handful who feel that they may not agree but don’t want to interfere in our big day too, so for them rather than the militant mothers, I give you our reasons:
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