Journalist and campaigner Paris Lees has blazed a trail for transgender rights. Here, she talks Twitter abuse, role models and why labels do matter...
Society is cottoning on to the fact that, like sexuality, gender is not as clear-cut as people once thought. But where does that leave women? And is this the end of gender – and labels – as we know it? Well, I for one hope not…
I love being a woman. As a transgender woman, though, I’ve had to field questions about exactly what I mean by that statement. What, after all, does it ‘feel’ like to be a woman? It’s a good question, but please don’t ask me. Do people go around asking Aretha Franklin to explain herself when she sings, ‘You make me feel like a natural woman’? No. They don’t. And I shouldn’t have to explain myself more than any other woman does either.
Last month, I was named Comment Writer of the Year at an event to celebrate women writers. An independent panel of female judges chose to give me the award based on public nominations. Thanks, ladies! In 2016, trans women are increasingly likely to have our identities respected by others and it’s a recent phenomenon that reflects the rapidly changing social status of trans people.
Not that long ago, being trans was simply something to be ashamed of. People poured scorn on trans women like me. Mocked us. Questioned us. Excluded us. Now, for the first time, they are starting to celebrate us.
You might think this is progress – and I certainly do – but not everyone is happy about it. When my win was announced on Twitter, it attracted a barrage of transphobic abuse. ‘What a farce, Lees is a man,’ wrote one kind internet soul. ‘Words by Women? Seems more like Words by Males Indulging in a Pornified Parody of Women to me,’ wrote another.
I’m too busy living my life to pay much attention to what internet losers say about me usually – but isn’t it interesting how upset they got? These faceless trolls were really unhappy about me being accepted as a woman. Why do they care? Why is it so important for them to label me? To say I’ll always be a man to them? They can’t stop me living my life and being perceived as female as I go about my daily business, so why do they think they get to decide who is and isn’t a woman?
Maybe Germaine Greer could answer that. You’ve probably heard her rude and unnecessary thoughts about trans women by now. ‘Just because you lop your dick off and then wear a dress doesn’t make you a f***ing woman,’ is a recent one. Well, I’ve come to the conclusion that, as a feminist myself, I don’t need a man to validate me as a woman. And guess what? I don’t need a woman to validate me either. Not Germaine Greer. Not internet weirdos. Not anyone. I don’t need permission to use the label ‘woman’. I’m a woman because I say so.
Growing up, I had wonderful women to look up to – and all of them so different. My mum is gutsy and vivacious, and likes to party. I got my sense of humour and my cheekiness from her. My aunty Rachael is kind and caring and gave me a sweet side, and a social conscience. My grandma was gregarious and always upbeat, and I got my people skills from her. She never went out without make-up on, but I can’t ever remember seeing my aunty with make-up on. My aunty is sporty and would take me for bike rides. Mum’s a shopaholic and wine enthusiast – she’d take me to eat at nice places. My grandma loved bingo and daytime TV. She never got to see me on it, but I hope she’s looking down on me from somewhere, enjoying me on the telly. I think that, like my mum and aunty, given time she would have accepted me as a woman. I loved and love them all and they’ve played a huge part in the woman I’ve become today.
I’ve always liked the saying, ‘Labels are for soup, not people.’ It sounds good, but reality is far more complex. Labels are useful as shorthand – terms like ‘gay’, ‘straight’, ‘man’ and ‘woman’ are sort of like emojis, for identity. But they don’t reveal the whole story about a person. How could they?
You might think that, as gender becomes more fluid, and society more accepting, labels are on their way out. I don’t think it’s likely. When Facebook started, users had two gender options: man or woman. Fast-forward to 2016 and there are over 50 options. Woman. Trans woman. Trans man. Gender-queer. Androgyne. Intersex. Bigender. Gender nonconformist. Take your pick! And that’s what’s important – you get to decide, no one else does. Me? I’m still waiting for them to introduce ‘good girl gone bad’, but there you go.
So no, I don’t want to do away with labels. Labels can be fun. I remember how happy my mum was when she married and became ‘Mrs Kendall’. I could have launched into a tirade about ‘Miss’ and ‘Mrs’ being old-fashioned and sexist, but it’s not for me to tell other people how to live their lives. It’s about choice.
The problem isn’t labels. The problem is people who force gender labels on to others against their will – and believe that those labels define the other person completely.
I say we have lots more labels, but use them to liberate people, not to limit them. I’d never heard of the term ‘trans woman’ before I went to university. I just thought I was ‘a transsexual’, which made me feel different and inferior to other women. I remember reading it for the first time and thinking, ‘Trans woman? That’s me!’
My journey to womanhood has been different to my mother and sister, yes,
but I joined the woman party in the end. Black woman. Disabled woman. Trans woman. Every woman’s experience is unique but that doesn’t make her less of
a woman. Womankind is a broad church, and it’s time to celebrate our wonderfully diverse congregation. Amen to that.
Photos by Anna Huix
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